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Ted

Ted

2012
Romance
Comedy
1h 46m
Your probable score
Avg Percentile 37.11% from 5996 total ratings

Ratings & Reviews

(5996)
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Rated 07 Jul 2012
40
28th
The joke distribution is about 50% "Haha, I get that reference", 20% fart jokes, 10% racism, 5% gross out humor, 3% slapstick, 2% gay jokes, and about 10% that I actually found funny. All of which, unlike on Family Guy, are woven into a coherent plot, albeit a predictable and completely formulaic one. This comedy sometimes works, but the humor and plot are just lazy, and that prevents this from ever being anything more than mediocre.
Rated 30 Jun 2012
2
15th
I went into this with low expectations, as I hate Seth MacFarlane and all of his abortions masquerading as TV shows, and it turned out to be even worse than I imagined. Anyway, some of the jokes work but really this is just boring - a treacly, infantile premise mixed with filthy but stale jokes. How fucking innovative. At one point, Ted mocks Adam Sandler, but this features the same type of humor and structure as his movies. I'd actually rather watch Mel Gibson talk to a puppet.
Rated 08 Sep 2012
65
57th
Partly worth a score of 100 - and partly 0. The situational comedy between Wahlberg and Ted (highlights: the fist fight, name-dropping sluts and FLASH!) is almost as sharp and drop dead hilarious as everything else (Kunis, the kidnapping, the maturing agenda, the ending) is insulting and borderline un(teddy)bearable.
Rated 30 Jun 2012
50
21st
This is a movie about a talking teddy bear that is an hour and forty-six minutes. I defy you to come up with a single reason any movie about a talking teddy bear should be longer than an hour and a half. Also, fair warning: "How You Like Me Now" does not follow every single joke.
Rated 15 Sep 2012
70
65th
Could've been funnier. Could've had sharper references. Could've been tighter. Could've thought up its own plot, instead of repeating the one from last year's The Muppets. Could've been better, basically. But you know what? Ted is a character I won't forget. He (i.e. MacFarlane & the animators) and Wahlberg give the impression of chemistry and the film had me smiling - sometimes overbearingly, every so often nostalgically - at their immaturity and rooting for them to be thunder buddies for life.
Rated 04 Sep 2012
75
77th
Starring a pot smoking, potty mouthed CGI character and riffing on Spielberg, this is closely related to last year's Paul in many ways, but the way MacFarlane utilizes his vast arsenal of low brow shenanigans camouflages the formalistic storyline, and leaves a pretty damn funny movie.
Rated 09 Jul 2012
54
32nd
MacFarlane is finally given free reign with the R rating, and the only thing he proves is that he can only do juvenile, bigoted, or obscure-reference type humor. I still admit to laughing out loud at more than several parts, but for a film that acts superior to other contemporary Hollywood trash, it doesn't do a really great job of avoiding tropes. The kidnapping plot was pretty awful.
Rated 21 Nov 2012
60
30th
Some laughs, but pretty boring
Rated 18 Dec 2012
40
9th
A run of the mill romantic comedy interspersed with Family Guy jokes and limp suspense. The occasional funny scene is drowned out by the comedic limitations of having a main character being completely CGI.
Rated 07 Jul 2012
68
54th
Lasts for much too long and is incredibly predictable. However, I did laugh a lot, even though the movie was beyond predictable and really offers nothing new. Mark Wahlberg proves once again that he is a strong comedian. Mila Kunis is beautiful and fantastic as always. Unfortunately, too much focus is put on MacFarlane's bear and his tired brand of comedy.
Rated 04 Aug 2012
79
64th
The Cartoon Wars episode of South Park pretty much ruined Family Guy for me. That said I still think MacFarlane does have a pretty good funny bone when he puts it into a more structured medium than his cartoons. This took the good parts of Family Guy, added many different kinds of humor, and then threw in a plot more generic than a romcom as a template. It was very far from perfect, very very far, but I laughed consistently and at a couple times very hard deep laughs. Definitely worth it.
Rated 28 Apr 2016
70
48th
Seth MacFarlane is a thinking man's Adam Sandler. Like Sandler, he tends to dip into the same pool of talent and rely on the same fart and sex jokes, yet in a way, his stuff is slightly more intellectual, at least as intellectual as you can make scatological humor. Unlike Sandler, however, and much to his credit, he tends to avoid the low hanging fruit, and doesn't employ Rob Schneider.
Rated 19 May 2013
43
40th
The gags are hillariously obscene, but the movie itself is actually pretty inoffensive. There's no real anger or edge to the laughs: they never really explore the insanity that lies between men who are friends. It's charmingly absurd seeing the cgi bear running around the world, but the plot points are ripped out of every other (equally tame) summer buddy-story/rom-com that you've seen before. Wahlberg's innocent face works perfectly and I did love seeing Chicago on film and hearing its voices.
Rated 03 Feb 2013
60
31st
A lot of people have loved 'Ted.' I understand the love even if I can't share in it. The comedy is inspired, just as a lot of MacFarlane's 'Family Guy' jokes hit hard---but like so many others, they miss hard when they miss. This is a film that could grow on me or I could potentially like even less over the course of another viewing, but I left the film without enough standout moments to love it or even warrant another viewing. For now. This is simply an extended uncut Family Guy episode.
Rated 14 Aug 2014
50
44th
The couch on which I sat while watching this is identical to the one with which Ted furnished his apartment.
Rated 05 Apr 2013
61
39th
Some genuinely hilarious moments but much like the Family Guy movie (and you can be assured this is the exact same type of humour) it can't keep up the laughs for the full running time. Shame because Wahlberg has a ton of comedic talent and manages to make this at least watchable.
Rated 20 Nov 2012
59
34th
Basically an extended Family Guy episode under the guise of a rather mediocre and unoriginal plot, but it still works. Chemistry between Wahlberg and Ted and humour are pretty great, and even with the annoying characters, overly long sequences and romcom cliches, it still turns out to be an overall worthwhile feel-good film.
Rated 21 Jul 2012
79
30th
Feels just like MacFarlane's work. His fans will probably love this. I didn't laugh throughout the movie but it does have a fair amount of laughs and the performances are good.
Rated 14 Aug 2013
59
33rd
This has some charm, and has some very amusing moments. As you might expect from the creator, the humour is coarse, a bit scattershot and loaded with pop culture references. It perhaps comes off as a bit restrained, however. The net result is a fairly funny, enjoyable film which may have benefitted from being a bit sharper in terms of plotting and humour. The presence of Sam J. Jones and the Flash Gordon references generated a lot of goodwill from me. Worth seeing if you are in the mood.
Rated 11 Nov 2012
50
10th
An instantly forgettable time-waster. Basically nothing redeeming outside of being a way to spend 90 minutes you should probably spend doing something else more worthwhile.
Rated 01 Jul 2019
35
23rd
Sexist and nonsense
Rated 20 Dec 2012
30
11th
Nothing very original here. It was mostly just painful to watch. My biggest problem with it was the dialogue, it wasn't funny at all. Maybe the jokes would have worked in Family Guy but not in a real film.
Rated 18 Nov 2012
70
60th
An almost live-action "Family Guy" episode. Fun, full of inappropriate humour, enjoyed it completely.
Rated 23 Sep 2012
6
34th
Stupid as shit, but occasionally funny. I lost it with the CGI duck.
Rated 16 Jan 2013
53
11th
Where it kind of messes up is when it becomes a weird chase movie, taking us beyond merely accepting Ted as a believable character. It basically makes us forget that he's a talking teddy bear because the things he has to say and do have been done in a hundred other movies just this year. This plot turn is a huge disservice to the rest of the film, and by the time we emerge from beneath its load (and I do mean load), it's pretty tough to win us back over.
Rated 24 Sep 2012
78
35th
90 -> 78 after rewatch, prolly biggest fall of them all
Rated 09 Jul 2012
72
50th
The basic plot of this movie is simple and familiar but it is well executed and riffed on in fun ways. I hope that for MacFarlane's next feature (which I hope does happen) he is more creative and daring with the story he chooses to tell (for a movie with a living teddy bear it was surprisingly unoriginal). The cast does well, especially enjoyable was Giovanni Ribisi, and there are plenty of memorable jokes, but I know MacFarlane has a better movie in him.
Rated 20 Jan 2013
65
24th
I'll get a lot of flack for saying this, but I actually Seth Macfarlane's style of humour works better in the chaotic, anarchic plotting of Family Guy, than it does in the restrained reigned in manner of Ted. Still, it's a decent film with it's moments. +5 for Flash Gordon
Rated 06 Sep 2012
7
70th
Get your fucking head out of your mom's ragged old cracker snatch and get me a motherfucking talking teddy bear, capiche?
Rated 06 Dec 2012
62
18th
If you close your eyes and listen to the actors speak, you realize you are just watching a really long episode of Family Guy. Most of the cast, excluding Mark Wahlberg, have done voice work on Family Guy, even Patrick Stewart does some narration. Sadly, unlike Family Guy, this film wasn't very funny. I feel like I've seen this movie before and this wasn't an improvement. I still love Mila Kunis though, she alone is worth most of the points that this movie earned. She's just so stunning.
Rated 26 Dec 2012
65
23rd
121226 Would you like to watch a movie or a very long Family Guy episode? This is the latter and it just does not hold up well to the added length. It had it's funny moments, but the teddy thing actually turns out to be a gimmick. The exact same story could have been told (and has been a thousand times already) with a human as the best buddy.
Rated 17 Feb 2013
86
92nd
after everything that macfarlane did with family guy and american dad i would have thought that he would have come up with some kind of absolutely absurd plot. so with all the stuff that i'm used to coming from macfarlane this seemed like a completely realistic plot. I didn't have high hopes, but i laughed 'til i cried and takes a really friggin' funny movie.
Rated 15 Aug 2012
5
2nd
One of the worst movies ever made.
Rated 30 Jul 2012
63
15th
Not gonna lie, it's pretty fucking funny. A lot of great jokes and one-liners. But unsurprisingly, the movie in between these doesn't hold up. The cast are serviceable, but the plot is cliched as fuck and I don't think anyone will have a problem figuring out pretty much every single plot point. It's also about 20 minutes too long. The cameos and stuff are good and it's still better than most post-cancellation Family Guy, but basically only worth a rental, and even then only if you're a fan.
Rated 19 Jul 2012
89
92nd
This is one of those (increasingly rare) movies in which I'm sitting there in the theater doing the staccato-screaming-coughing super-loud laughing that makes everybody around me jump and sorta sigh at me and drowns out some of the dialogue. Absolutely couldn't help it, though. MacFarlane might rip some of his own Family Guy stuff, but I honestly haven't laughed this hard since the SOUTH PARK movie. Plus, you get to hear Norah Jones say "penis."
Rated 11 Jul 2012
85
85th
Gotta love the people who walked into a Seth MacFarlane movie and are using the "oh, it's too much Family Guy-like humor" as a knock against the movie. Your expectations are clearly fucked up. "Ted" is a very funny modern fairy tale whose comedy succeeds in carrying the 100-plus-minute run-time with relative ease; it didn't feel too long or too short. It's always great to see Mila. Comedies that try to add weighty emotional content often fall on their faces. Ted pulls it off. Cudos, Seth!
Rated 08 Aug 2014
20
2nd
Let it be known that the guys who came from TV commercials fare a hell of a lot better directing movies than the guys who came from TV shows. MacFarlane's sense of humor is punishing.
Rated 12 Sep 2012
55
2nd
funny, but like most comedies, it fizzles and dies around the halfway point, when the writers decide the movie has to actually be about something. then it just gets to be really sappy and kinda lame. Mila Kunis is still in it though so it's not a total loss.
Rated 17 Feb 2015
55
30th
It certainly has its moments, but overall I don't get what all the fuss was about. Much like Family Guy, really.
Rated 11 Jul 2015
66
19th
Never really got this films appeal - Family Guy IRL doesn't work for me somehow. Plus this is a LONG ass film where not much really happens.
Rated 26 Jul 2013
67
43rd
There are some genuine comic gems in this film. It's too bad you have to watch the rest of the movie to see them. And, unfortunately, that means you'll get mired in useless and meaningless plot. Also, it's hard to forget you're not watching an episode of Family Guy.
Rated 30 Jun 2012
65
45th
It's funny, but it got trailered to death so much of the humor felt stale. It's a little too long and can be a bit mundane, but overall I enjoyed it.
Rated 14 Dec 2012
68
56th
I really wanted to dislike this movie, but there are just too many big laughs to hold it in contempt. I mean, sure, the plot is pedestrian, and yes, there are a number of groaner jokes that fall completely flat. But it is funny -- it really, really is. While the film is conceptually fun, the story it tells plays things overly safe. Hopefully McFarlane goes a little more out on a limb next time. (...I like to think all the jokes I laughed at were written by Alec Sulkin. I'd be okay with that.)
Rated 04 Feb 2019
6
60th
Ted is very much a Seth MacFarlane project, almost too much you could say. Ted definitely has some funny moments, I certainly don't get bored watching it, but it's all pointless. There isn't really any story arch to it, it's just a bunch of scenes strung together, with little subplots here and there. Mark Wahlberg does a lot for me, and him and Ted have good chemistry, but MacFarlane's talent doesn't really translate well to a full blown movie. Family Guy suits him better.
Rated 01 Jul 2012
6
70th
Pretty amusing, with a number of big old belly laughs that justify the ticket price. It does go into an odd half-assed thriller-esque direction in the end that kind of dilutes it, though. Never expected a 2012 film to have multiple references to Octopussy, of all movies, so props for that. Love or hate MacFarlane, I'm glad he's making movies now, because he's an actual unique and distinctive voice in the largely samey world of movie comedy.
Rated 25 Sep 2012
55
43rd
It's sometimes funny not because of its weed and sex jokes -- they are all over, and they are actually bad --, but the pop remarks that make this look like MacFarlane animation/cartoon background. So, we get nice stuff about Susan Boyle, Brandon Routh and Taylor Lautner, a couple of great scenes with Sam Jones, Ribisi dancing like a pervert -- and that's it.
Rated 11 Dec 2012
20
17th
I didn't find the jokes funny, and everything else about the film being so terribly calculated just felt frustrating.
Rated 04 Jul 2012
85
85th
Pretty funny, but it started to run on for too long and became less of a comedy.
Rated 20 Apr 2013
3
7th
it's been a while since a film made me this angry.
Rated 12 Sep 2012
70
71st
Very funny and very entertaining, but unfortunately with a classic american by-the-book storyline, so no surprises there.
Rated 12 Sep 2012
57
23rd
This takes a rather wholesome idea for a children's film and warps it into a vehicle for adult humor. This isn't that bad but the humor is comedy central material which consists of nerdy pop culture references and sex jokes. Kind of works if you like crude humor but dark comedies like Bad Santa did it way better through warping childhood nostalgia. Wahlberg seems a natural fit for this type of role and took a break from starring in a long line of turds. Two bonus points for Flash Gordan.
Rated 05 Jul 2012
80
71st
It was funny.
Rated 09 Jul 2012
55
25th
Giovanni Ribisi
Rated 27 Nov 2012
47
34th
Perfectly watchable, even if it's all very predictable and its novelty factor wears off very quickly. There are some good laughs, but most jokes will result in smirks rather than anything else, and every joke could easily sit within an episode of "The American Family Dad Show", and you can take that as a positive or a negative I guess? I'll never watch it again, but for once viewing, meh... it was amusing enough.
Rated 22 Jan 2013
80
79th
Not a non-stop laugh riot but there aren't really any wide of the mark misses. For the most part it's entertaining but some moments are full on belly laugh funny, which doesn't happen often. As a geek of a certain age I appreciated all the Flash love, and the plot harkens back to 80's family movies with Macfarlane style humour thrown in. Don't expect the best movie you've ever seen, but do expect decent Family Guy. Nice start for Seth live action stuff.
Rated 04 Nov 2012
1
12th
Pretty typical of most of Seth's work for me: too in love with itself for me to really enjoy. We get it, you think you're clever. Had way too many pointless subplots for me as well. The characters are so unlikable that when bad things happen to them no one cares. Tried hard for some dramatic tension at a certain point but failed miserably. Patrick Warburton being gay was so absurd that it actually worked
Rated 04 Jul 2012
83
90th
The only problem I got with this movie is mark doesn't look like no lazy weedhead to me.
Rated 13 Nov 2012
65
64th
The film is very likable and funny. But you are left with a feeling of wasted potential. Ted is an amazing character and Wahlberg is kind of funny to. But other than the two main characters the film is nothing but predictable clichés.
Rated 13 Aug 2012
79
35th
Formulaic but fun film from Seth MacFarlane. Features the same type of humor as his other work and features gags at a rapid pace utilizing toilet humor, sex, drugs and MacFarlane's obsessions like Star Wars.
Rated 05 Jul 2012
69
28th
It's pretty much like a modern episode of Family Guy while being funnier than any episode of Family Guy in the past three years.
Rated 06 Oct 2014
4
0th
While it has a few genuinely funny gags, usually when things get completely surreal, it is still the most uncomfortable piece of trash I have watched in a long time. For all its talk about friendship and love, this movie has no heart. I makes me seriously doubt whether the directer has one.
Rated 29 Jun 2012
80
77th
Seth MacFarlane could make a really good Naked Gun/Airplane! movie if he wanted.
Rated 20 Jul 2012
74
52nd
Ted has a pretty forgettable plot, but it's packed full with classic, hilarious, MacFarlane-style laughs
Rated 05 Aug 2013
4
20th
I figured the whole "plays out like an episode of Family Guy" thing was exaggeration posing as critique, but good god does this play out like an episode of Family Guy. Too many references, too many sex jokes, and generally too much of a lot, Ted did actually nail some jokes enough to keep me entertained, despite the unconvincing coming-of-age bullshit. I wouldn't watch this again, but I wouldn't mind if it was on while I wasn't watching.
Rated 01 Jul 2012
75
37th
Ted was surprisingly more funny than I originally had thought. Seth MacFarlane is very self-indulgent with his jokes, almost at times patting himself on the back. Despite that familiarity with his others works, Ted remains full of boyish heart, reminding us all of the childhood Teddy bear that will forever be our best friend. Mark Wahlberg proves to have comedic chops, bringing good use of his Boston accent to this film. Ted is a good comedy, I do recommend seeing it.
Rated 28 Jun 2012
30
7th
A few really funny bits don't make up for the rest of the dull, unfunny bits. McFarlane has made such a mediocre comedy that he should be ashamed of making fun of anyone else's films.
Rated 08 Jul 2012
72
59th
Overly reliant on some Family Guy-esque poor humor (some cheap shock gags and pop-culture stuff), but at the same time it had a lot of good-to-great humor that went over well. The plot and pacing? Sucked, but you don't see a comedy and expect those to be good, you just hope the jokes can power through them. Ted has enough that it does.
Rated 13 Sep 2012
67
24th
Little too reliant on Family Guy humour but is still a surprisingly funny movie.
Rated 04 Sep 2013
72
44th
Bona fide hater of Family Guy, but this was pretty funny. As much as I hate to admit it.
Rated 14 Nov 2012
3
11th
The Family Guy: The Early Years
Rated 28 Feb 2015
76
54th
Not bad, not bad at all. Some really hilarious moments, nice acting, Mila Kunis (always a plus in a movie), the Thunder Song (I kept singing it for a few days after watching the movie), nice movie all in all!
Rated 12 Jul 2012
55
34th
I ended up being pretty disappointed. Most of the funniest parts of the film are in the trailers. There were only a couple of other jokes that made me laugh out loud. The constant pop culture references got rather tiring. I usually don't mind those in his shows, but I don't think it worked so well in a movie format. There were plenty of cool actors in it. I thought the character of Ted looked really great and realistic. But yeah, overall, I found it to be pretty average.
Rated 04 Jan 2013
18
2nd
Family Guy sucks and so does this.
Rated 14 Dec 2013
65
42nd
A spectacularly stupid premise and even stupider plot evolution (it's shocking that even rude, 'irreverent' comedies like that can't shun the established treacle) but, sue me, I laughed at all the 9/11 and Tom Skerritt jokes.
Rated 04 Jul 2012
50
47th
Ted disappointed me. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but I didn't laugh nearly as much as I thought I would. It does contain a strong cast, but not much is done with many of them. All of the funny lines go to MacFarlane's animated teddy bear, and that one joke can only stay so funny for so long. The plot is an afterthought, the whole film is too long, and while I did enjoy it, I didn't enjoy it enough to recommend giving it a watch. It represents promise, but not much more for McFarlane.
Rated 06 Sep 2012
65
12th
Damn, this really could have been great but sadly it's not.
Rated 11 Feb 2016
70
59th
It is actually quite funny, and as ridiculous as it is, it has a pretty solid plot (if a little cliche). The hotel-room fight scene is hilarious and has some pretty cool cameos. Don't take it seriously and you will get a lot of enjoyment out of this.
Rated 26 May 2015
54
10th
Not funny, a bad script, a good story, you don't get where the movie's going until the very end (and not even then).
Rated 18 Nov 2012
93
97th
Funny as hell! Long time since I've laughed so hard with a movie...
Rated 15 Aug 2023
70
31st
There's a reason I waited so long to watch this. Ted is a Peter Griffin clone in stuffed animal form, plus it also features Mila Kunis, Alex Borstein, Patrick Warburton, and MacFarlane even got Walter Murphy to do the music. I like the whole idea of doing a kids movie for adults, but simply put a live action Family Guy doesn't work as well as the animated version. Not terrible by any means, but just imagine how much better this concept would be as a Family Guy episode with Stewie and Rupert.
Rated 16 Jan 2016
79
18th
Despite it has no good message, no drama, no philososphical side, this is a pure example of comedy, I laughed a lot during this movie. I was very pleasent while I was watching it.
Rated 10 Dec 2017
80
38th
So creative and fun .
Rated 27 Jul 2012
94
89th
Hilarious, endlessly creative gross-out comedy may have a one-joke premise, but plays it to the hilt thanks to a terrific cast, especially writer-director MacFarlane's sterling voice over work as Ted. Liberal doses of 80s pop culture references only add to the fun. A genuinely unexpected delight.
Rated 20 Sep 2012
63
39th
Raunchy but funny, and sometimes even touching--almost.
Rated 03 Jul 2012
84
74th
Lots funny parts but it was dragging on at the end.
Rated 06 Jul 2012
79
41st
I don't how what it is, but it was missing something.
Rated 22 Nov 2012
60
41st
Fully expected to hate it, but I didn't.
Rated 24 Nov 2012
78
72nd
Teddy Fucking Bear
Rated 21 Jan 2013
8
19th
Pop culture references out the wazoo.
Rated 09 Nov 2012
74
40th
It's stupid and has some some stretches where none of the comedy hits, but it also has a lot of stuff that does work. Ultimately it's funny enough to be worth watching.
Rated 05 Jun 2013
60
47th
http://gorgview.com/ted
Rated 20 Nov 2012
70
14th
Better than expected.
Rated 02 Jul 2012
65
14th
Thankfully, Mark Wahlberg has a movie star quality that makes me love pretty much everything he says, cuz he just has the best voice. And I love Mila Kunis. Seth MacFarlane, I don't like...but there are some genuinely funny moments, not just Family Guy-esque repackaged scenes from classic films (though there's a bit of that, too). Exciting cameos help liven the affair, but they also ruin Jeff Winger, so...
Rated 16 Dec 2012
67
57th
Cliched except for the fact that involves a talking stuffed animal, it doesn't change the fact that there are quite a few laughs.
Rated 25 Dec 2012
81
26th
77 points just because Mila Kunis is in it. And then 1 point for every good one-liner I heard.
Rated 14 Dec 2013
70
69th
"Ted" has a rather brilliant main idea, a load of pretty great laughs and some truly iconic moments. Yet it's far from excellent due to the half-arsed romantic and dramatic scenes, a couple of rather embarrassing "comedic" moments and a derivative performance from Mila Kunis.
Rated 16 Apr 2024
45
12th
audiovisual 55 acting 40 overall feeling 39 avg 45
Rated 03 Aug 2013
30
4th
I should have spent the time watching Flash Gordon.
Rated 08 Sep 2012
72
17th
This idea had potential, but the plot was totally predictable and formulaic, and the humor mostly didn't work for me. Also that bear was fucking annoying, I just wanted him to shut up already. Avoid it especially if don't like Family Guy.
Rated 07 Jul 2013
19
15th
A few good laughs. People tells how funny the story would be and it turned out to be very boring. I mixed Seth to Rogen. MacFarlane was lame and good 3D animation was in vain. Only good actor was Mila Kunis. Mark Wahlberg was a big disappointment likewise.

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