You know, I just got back from seeing There Will Be Blood. And it’s still on my mind. I was totally enthralled (Not a word I toss around, mind you.), and my head’s still buzzing from the experience. I can’t say that happens too often. And, usually, I have a set score in my head as soon as I get home, and I’m ready to plug it into Criticker. Granted, I think that ‘fresh from the movies’ score is always puffed up a little bit from the theater experience (I think I originally gave Live Free or Die Hard an… 88.), but of course, on a giant screen, any movie has more of an impact on the viewer. But with tonight’s film, I’m not sure exactly where I stand. At the moment, I have it at a 92. And when I wake up tomorrow, or am dying inside at work on Wednesday, or am scrubbing a food-caked pan Thursday night, I might have a more accurate score pop into my head. And until that happens, I think Criticker oughta pick up the slack. Perhaps there could be an option for “I’ve seen it, but remind me to rate it later, Mr. Indecisive!”, that appears as a little flashing button or something. If you’re like me, you tend to over-rate a film you’ve just seen, and it needs to be brought down a few notches after you’ve slept on it. You know, like when you go back to high school after getting a job at Target to let your coach know he was an idiot for cutting you from the JV football team.

Now, one thing I really dig about Criticker are its mini-reviews by other users. Most of you people have pretty interesting opinions (even if they are wrong), and are pretty damn wordy about it. Feel free to pat yourself on the back. What I don’t dig, though, are you people who say “Good movie.” for EVERY SINGLE REVIEW YOU DO. So, for you review star-hungry commies, I want a way to punish you. That’s right. If you put up a crappy review, I want a way to say “Your opinion stinks, sir, and I’d rather you shopped your ideas and pamphlets elsewhere!”. And those of you out there who’re doing this, publishing these lazy and repetitive claptraps to film, you know who you are. Feel free to poke yourself in the eye.

I recently watched I Am Legend. Instead of explaining how average that movie was, I’ll do something more educational: I’ll clue you in to the fact that there were two previous films made from the book it was based on. And the people I watched it with had no clue about that. What the hell?! Don’t they teach kids about Charlton Heston in school? The Omega Man was a great piece of 70′s style sci-fi that saw the atomic-holocaust-fearing movies of the 50′s and said, “It could still happen, and we have the low budget to show it!”. I never saw the Vincent Price 50′s version of the flick, but I heard him narrate Thriller, and I assume it has dancing zombies and laughing. The point is, though, is that Criticker needs to let you unwashed masses know that such films exist, so you can go back, watch these films, and wonder how the hell they picked Will Smith to star in the ’07 remake like I did.

In a related vein, the same concept could apply to sequels. After First Blood, you have Rambo: First Blood Part II. Then Rambo III. Then just Rambo. Who in the monkey can keep track of all that? That’s right – Criticker. That way, when you rate American Pie, you have easy access to all 38 awful straight-to-DVD releases starring Eugene Levy. Poor Eugene Levy.

And, more than anyone, I have opinions about movies and I want to tell you why mine are right. The current Criticker user forums are fine, and they’re certainly an upgrade from where they were a short while ago. The current database format is phpBB, which is free, and certainly passable. However, any cool kid’ll tell you the way to go is vbulletin. Sure, it costs a little more, but it’s worth considering. They have a website and everything at http://www.vbulletin.com. VB is tons more powerful, adaptable, and has a lot more visual options than phpBB. Which brings me to my final suggestion – Criticker.com skins. Me, personally, I really dug the original look the website had, and if it was up to me – I’d go old school. Perhaps you graphical artists (those of you too fat to escape the desk chair in front of the computer) could design me an Ice Pirates skin for Criticker? I’m sure tons of people here would love a Star Wars skin. Certainly that’s within the powers of the almighty crew here. Especially if it’s God.

I have to go now. It’s late and I need a coke.