On Friday the 13th, the Criticker Blog would like to pose a simple question.
Are you ready to be terrified out of your EVER LOVING MIND?! We’re talking: shaken to the core. Blood mixed in vomit. Pissed stained jeans. Whimpering for mommy. But mommy isn’t going to help you, boy. Mommy IS DEAD!
If you want to be scared like that, there are a lot of great sanity-threateningly-frightening movies you can watch tonight. But the new remake of Friday the 13th isn’t one of them. I mean, check out the trailer:
That’s not to say it won’t be entertaining! Honestly, it kind of looks fun… who wouldn’t want to see this group of douche bags get butchered? Particularly this guy.
But scary? Come one … Coraline looks more frightening than this. Seriously!
Are all remakes of classic horror movies doomed to fail?
I’d butcher each one of the producers (hey Bay, wanna play?) and film executives behind the spineless, offensive spit on art and the advance of civilization. I must say, though – I really liked the shot where the chick pulls the curtain looking for Jason and it is revealed that he is actually -behind- there. I don’t know if it’s from the original or not but it was sheer genius.
Beyond that, judging from the trailer, I don’t see why we really need anymore of this garbage. Yes, many people enjoy it, I personally sit with my friends to watch awful horror flicks which they love, but don’t we have enough? Even -they- admit that 99% of Hollywood horror films produced today are just mash-ups of concepts already used, remakes or sequels. There’s no originality anymore in the horror bussiness, and that’s because it’s an easy market in which those pulling the strings and dealing with numbers -know- that very few people actually seek for quality, in comparison for those assholes who just want some rough catharsis. Assholes like the guys on the trailer.
Kill them kill them kill them.
Haneke, carry on for me, I have to get my axe.