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The Worst 10 Films of 2013

2013 is just about over, and it’s time to look back on the year that was. We’ve compiled a list of the best and the worst films, as chosen by the users of Criticker. These are selected from the 289 movies up for 2013′s Best Picture Oscar, which have at least 50 rankings at Criticker. We’ll start with the stinkers. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the worst films of the year.

10. The Smurfs 2 – 2.7294 Average Tier

“Begins with Smurfette being cast out of the compound. She reconnects with her real family and experiences a few days of true happiness before falling into Gargamel’s schemes (a cycle sadly common to victims of traumatic abuse). The movie ends on a downbeat note when Papa Smurf re-initiates Smurfette into the commune, along with her whole family. Probably the bleakest and hard-to-watch examination of the human condition and the victim/abuser cycle since Requiem for a Dream.” – misterlizard

9. After Earth – 2.7231 Average Tier

“Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans…except the plants, birds, hogs, and buffalo. In fact most things won’t try to kill you. You’ll be fine unless you throw rocks like a dick.” – SirStuckey

8. Runner Runner – 2.5952 Average Tier

“This film will have audiences running from the theaters. Seriously though, I don’t know what the hell this is. It’s terrible. There’s no reason to care about any of it. There’s no idea behind it. It’s one of those films that comes off as if its made by people who have only vaguely heard second hand what a film is. Strange to think this is from the director of Lincoln Lawyer, which was decent.” – Rufflesack

7. Grown Ups 2 – 2.5496 Average Tier

“This isn’t offensive in terms of bad taste (it’s so tame high schoolers covertly pour beer out rather than drink it), but it is offensive in terms of mean-spirited stereotyping. Men are infantile jackasses, women are sex objects and/or harpies, and small-towners are pathetic grotesques. It’s lazy in every way, from the dispirited performances to the vapid script to the ho-hum direction. Adam Sandler seems to hold his audience in complete contempt, and if this is a hit, no wonder. 2013′s worst.” – xacviant

6. The Big Wedding – 2.5263 Average Tier

“My tolerance for mediocre rom-com is far higher than most, I’ve found, but even I was majorly disappointed by the incongruous and tiresome combination of dramatic tedium and ‘edgy’ vulgarity on display here. Skip it, even if you love De Niro — wait. *Especially* if you love De Niro.” – Wezzo

5. A Good Day to Die Hard – 2.4362 Average Tier

“All that’s left of the franchise is all the references to the original. It actually hurt to watch it at times. Seems like these days no one is able to make an action film with ambitions anymore…” – Bunken

4. Texas Chainsaw 3D – 2.1707 Average Tier

“If you’re gonna take liberties with a well documented franchise, at least get the logistics right. This film picks up the same night that the original movie ends…August 19th, 1973. That was 40 years ago, but for some reason, Heather is only in her 20′s now. Do people not even think anymore when making movies? Also, are we to believe that Heather conveniently forgets that Leatherface just slaughtered her friends and lives in a pit of gore, but she’s ok with that because they are family? FFS!!!” – Jerky

3. Movie 43 – 2.1597 Average Tier

“This movie is such a shame. The idea of a comedy anthology with a whole bunch of stars in it is a great idea. This end result is godawful. Were some of the shorts better than others? Of course. But were any of them actually good? No. Not a single one. There were small bits that weren’’t a complete waste of time, but not many. Far too much immature, lame humour without a bit of taste. I imagine most of the actors involved regret doing this. I know I regret watching it.” – damil

2. A Haunted House – 2.0532 Average Tier

“This movie is like literally 50% rape jokes.” – axleblaze

1. The Last Exorcism Part II – 2.0000 Average Tier

“It could be subtitled “Ashley Bell Wanders Around for a Couple Hours Looking at Scary Things.” Bland and unimaginative, and it refuses to make any good use of its New Orleans locale. Decidedly minor league stuff, not worth anyone’s time. And I quite liked its predecessor…” – Superargo

Two New Genres: History & Biography

We’ve just added two new genres to Criticker, which will suit the gentleman above just fine. Biography and History join the ranks of genres into which Criticker’s films can now be classified. We’ve started them off with a few films apiece, and now ask our users to help fill them out!

Biography: List of Films
History: List of Films

Server Upgrade

Yesterday, you may have experienced some downtime — we have finally upgraded our server. Sparkling, brand new, and (hopefully) much faster. Initial monitoring seems to be promising — the page loads are quicker and database performance also seems much improved.

Of course, there are likely to be issues related to the move — a few of you have already pointed out some. Over the next week, we’re also upgrading all our backend software to the newest versions. Please send us an email if you detect anything that seems wrong, or encounter any error messages. The chances are we’ll already be aware, but the more eyes watching for fire, the better.

A huge thank you to all our Criticker Sponsors — without your support, we wouldn’t be able to afford these sorts of upgrades. If you haven’t considered signing up for sponsorship, please do so. As always, our site operates without any outside funding or third-party intervention … and Criticker users are apparently too savvy to click on ads! The no-ads version of the site, available for $4.99 a month, is a great way to support us.

Edit Scores from Search Results

We just introduced a quick new enhancement that allows you to edit scores directly from the Search Results. Before you could only submit new scores, but not edit the scores or mini-reviews of films you had already rated.

Hope you find this new improvement useful!

Enhancements to the Filmmaker Page

We’ve readied a couple new enhancements to start off 2013 on the right foot. These add functionality to the individual filmmaker pages.

1. Report Errors
Is there a typo in the actor’s biography? An improper or invalid profile image? An improperly credited film? Then let us know automatically by using this form. Reported errors will be checked daily and information updated where necessary.
2. Average Tier
In addition to your average rating for a particular actor or director, we now also show your average tier.
3. Order by Year
Now, you have the ability to sort your ranked films by score or by year — previously, there was no such choice. You can also organize the unranked films for a particular actor in the same way.

Hope you like these improvements. As always, please let us know if something isn’t working as expected!


Criticker’s Twenty Best Films of 2012: #1-10

And here they are: the ten best films of 2012, as decided by the users of Criticker. As always, it’s a varied group, with a few major surprises — on seeing the previews earlier this summer, I’d have never guessed that #10 would be among the year’s best! Foreign films almost always do well at Criticker, and 2012 was no exception — four spots in the Top Ten are occupied by movies from Europe.

You might notice one major exception: a film which was released rather recently and hasn’t racked up enough ratings to be included in this list. We’ll revisit the top twenty just before the Academy Awards, and see how things have changed.

10. Wreck-It Ralph – 7.4902 Average Tier

“Mixes well-drawn character arcs and settings wonderfully fresh and creative yet somehow simultaneously nostalgic and comforting for a cinematic potion that feels like it was brewed just for me. Certainly one of the best of 2012, and arguably the best non-Pixar Disney animation since 1994′s The Lion King. Would make a great miniature film festival paired with Scott Pilgrim and Community’s 8-bit episode.” – Ytadel

9. Silver Linings Playbook – 7.5145 Average Tier

“This whimsical fantasy is strongest in its portrayal of broken people reaching out beyond themselves for a chance at healing. What’s on display here may be relatively mild forms of mental illness, but that doesn’t make the story any less true or impacting. Rather, the more comic tone sets this story apart from others that treat mental illness more directly, and, as a result, more seriously. I appreciated the film for what it was–snappy writing, strong performances, and an affecting conclusion.” – Icarus

8. The Imposter – 7.6344 Average Tier

“This is probably the closest a film has to come to “scaring” me since I realised that films aren’t scary. The story itself is terrifying enough but it increases tenfold upon the realisation that this is an actual documentary (I went into this completely blind). Incredibly well made and a fascinating, nail-biting experience. One of this years best.” – RapeyVessey

7. Holy Motors – 7.7216 Average Tier

“One could enjoy this just based on the “wtf” that it makes you feel, but there are a lot of weird movies. Holy Motors has some incredible scenes, such as the rendition of Let My Baby Ride, or the ending (it made me laugh). That’s the thing, for as odd as it is, and for how great the premise is, there is a point here (I don’t entirely know what it is, I just know it’s there, maaan). It uses music well, and the vignettes range from weird, to heart wrenching to violent… and it does it easily.” – Obdurate

6. Oslo, August 31st – 7.7450 Average Tier

“With a beautiful visual style, sensitively molded to the equally sensitive central character story, and some heartfelt acting, especially from the talented Anders Danielsen Lie, Joachim Triers existential drama creeps slowly but surely under your skin.” – Henrik

5. The Master – 7.7800 Average Tier

“Phoenix’s face is the star of the film, impeccably lit to accentuate all the brilliant contours of his thin, expressive mug. The cinematography, music, and performances all blend together to form Anderson’s most bizarre film yet, one that fabricates a mirror between the two main characters in their sexual passion, their vices, and their spirituality (which may all be the same thing). That’s a simplistic explanation for a theme far richer than I can briefly describe here. A beautiful work.” – Actionberg

4. Moonrise Kingdom – 7.8007 Average Tier

“Pierrot le fou for children. Wes Anderson for lovers. Bill Murray as an American treasure. Bruce Willis as someone who’s uncool. Edward Norton as a funny scoutmaster. A gorgeous film.” – wetwillies

3. Intouchables – 7.8318 Average Tier

“Touching from the very first frame, with a ton of great laughs convincingly delivered by a charming Omar Sy. The chemistry between Driss and Phillipe cannot be bought for money – A highly recommendable film wich I sat through with one big smile on my face…” – Bunken

2. Amour – 8.1968 Average Tier

“A heart-wrenching look at an elderly couple dealing with the trials of old age. As typical with Michael Haneke films, it has a mechanical feel due to slow pacing and an emphasis on quiet long-takes, but it is directed with the sure hand of a master filmmaker. The performances by Emmanuelle Riva and Jean-Louis Trintignant are stunning achievements of acting. Amour is one of the toughest films I have ever sat through, but it is a triumph of film-making that deserves all accolades it has received.” – DougieD

1. Django Unchained – 8.3413 Average Tier

“Tarantino’s Western pastiche may be more thoughtful and have more tenderness than much of his work, but when the blood flows, it gushes. The violence here comes from the brutality of slavery and bounty-hunting, both of which Django (Jamie Foxx) experiences, the latter as he seeks his beloved Broomhilda (Kerry Washington). Directed with great panache, well-written, and well-acted across the board–Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson are superb–it is a long but worthy tale.” – xacviant


The Ten Worst Films of 2012

Time for our annual year-end list which compiles the very worst films of 2012, as decided by the users of Criticker. As usual, the rules are simple — eligible films are those on the 2012 Reminder List for the 85th Oscars, which have at least fifty rankings at Criticker.

And without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, we humbly present the worst trash of the year, starting with #10:

10. Resident Evil: Retribution – 2.7579 Average Tier

“Pencil thin Milla supposedly reverts to being a normal human in the beginning yet she’s wielding a chain with a lock like a fucking ninja spinning upside down kicking zombies in the teeth. Anderson is such a mindless hack he can’t even keep up with all the storyline changes to the characters in his movie. The actors must have been standing in the same green screen room reading off teleprompter because that’s what the acting is like at times. Pretty cgi but shitastic everything else.” – CinemaAsia

9. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance – 2.7412 Average Tier

“A film in which a child jumps on Nicolas Cage and vomits fire into his face so he can turn into Ghost Rider should be awesome. But it just ins’t. Better than the first, but that isn’t saying much…” – WalkenRoll

8. A Thousand Words – 2.6486 Average Tier

“Wasting Eddie Murphy’s talent like this and what’s mostly gone before is probably the greatest waste of talent of his generation. This is mostly sit-com ad nauseum.” – http://www.criticker.com/profile/Stewball

7. Wrath of the Titans – 2.6234 Average Tier

“Despite a couple moments of visual inventiveness and splendor, this feels a lot more like watching a friend play a boss rush mode in a hack and slash video game than a movie. Outside of a few likable bits with Toby Kebbell’s character Agenor, there’s basically nothing resembling a genuine, human moment in its two hours (ironic for a film exploring the value of humanity). Worse than any of the three Transformers films, honestly.” – Ytadel

6. Chernobyl Diaries – 2.6119 Average Tier

“Six unlikable people do unlikable things until some radiation people kill them in the dark where we can’t see anything.” – SirStuckey

5. Paranormal Activity 4 – 2.5125 Average Tier

“If you dislike the first 3, you’ll hate this one. If you like the first 3, you’ll hate this one” – ezpkns34

4. The Cold Light of Day – 2.3898 Average Tier

“Henry Cavill’s performance and character is terrible and Weaver looks more tired than ever. Pure Euro-trash.” – Ofterdingen

3. One for the Money – 2.1277 Average Tier

“A long, long way from KNOCKED UP, Katherine Heigl attempts to start a franchise of her own: an adaptation of the Stephanie Plum novels. However good the novels may be, for the sake of the cinema, I hope no more films are made. Heigl’s Plum is annoyingly incompetent, whiny, and unfunny, not helped by a wretched script: a boring, convoluted mystery packed with unlikable, sometimes offensive characters, like Jason O’Mara’s obnoxious love interest. A really painful experience from start to finish.” – xacviant

2. Piranha 3DD – 1.8855 Average Tier

“Where the original was a hilarious sendup to grindhouse-style b-movie gore, this sequel is an unfunny, vulgar, stupid, uninspired piece of worthless shit that should have gone directly to dvd, if that.” – mark83

1. The Devil Inside – 1.8547 Average Tier

“‘We know we fucked up so we’re just going to end this now, whatever, fuck ya’llololo’ Still laughing over that ending, oh my goodness. It’s amazing that the worst movie of the year came out the first week of January, well done William Brent Bell!” – BillyShears