OK, so you people (is anybody even reading this?) are having to many blog posts lately, and I’m one to blame for that. I was going to wait a few days to post this, but this is really bugging my mind, it’s 2:00 a.m., I’m shuffling my iTunes library (currently listening to ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ by Paul McCartney), and I have nothing better to do. Well, as Dylan said, “When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose” (sidenote: I’m going to see him live next friday! Hooray!). That was a great song, you know? I hope it’s coming up in my shuffle party. And yes, there will be links.
As you might know already, a ‘Get Smart’ film is coming to theatres starring Steve Carrell as Agent 86. Interesting casting, If I may say. The trailers didn’t look too bad neither - some redundant visual gags, but then again, it’s ‘Get Smart’ people. And as Argentina has the habit of dubbing whatever the hell they can as if nobody can read here, I never got the chance to see ‘Get Smart’ without an annoying voice-over in spanish, thus never got the chance to see ‘Get Smart’ at all. So I downloaded a few episodes, and… Hey, it’s a great show. Hey, ‘We Can Work It Up’ came up. Yeah, I love The Beatles.

Anyway, as I was thinking of the great episodes I saw and of the trailers, I just thought, WHY? They weren’t bad, as I said, but comeon… In 1966 a ‘Get Smart’ film was planned and didn’t turn out in the end, so instead the scripts were made into three episodes in the fourth season, ‘A Man Called Smart’, pt. 1-3, satisfaction guaranteed. Hmm, The Byrds are up.

But it didn’t bother me too much, you know. It’s just one remake, but it turns out it’s more than one. You might have heard of the ‘Horton Hears a Who‘ remake, the film following ‘Sex & the City‘, and the Wachowski Brothers’ (or maybe brother and sister?) ‘Speed Racer‘ (is there a worse way to ruin a childhood memory? Oh yeah, Mike Myers’ ‘The Cat in the Hat‘. Just about proves my point). Only now you hear it all together, and suddenly it’s quite disturbing, isn’t it?

Well that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. It wasn’t until I read this article when I started to panic. Was it the writer’s strike that caused all this? Oh, who am I kidding? Hollywood was like this all along.

 You see, ever since the beggining of films we were adapting whatever crap we managed to get our hands on. The first narrative film (although it’s open to discussion) itself, ‘A Trip to the Moon‘ (our friendly user dharmabum offers the film in his mini-review, if you’d like to see it), was loosely based on the works of Jules Verne and H. G. Wells. But it wasn’t until 1993 when Hollywood proved us how adaptations can go horribly wrong, when a depressed 43-years-old film executive came up with the brilliant idea that will eventually destroy us all: FILMS BASED ON VIDEO GAMES. Give me an H-Bomb any day of the week, people.

OK, I’ll avoid bitching about how fucked up Hollywood is just because I’m currently listening to Van Morrison’s ‘Moondance’ and I’m in a good mood. But if some Pixies suddenly appear, Hollywood’s getting it big time… OK, forget I said that. I mean, just look at that list. THE SIMS MOVIE? Is that a fucking joke? Appearantly, it isn’t. Variety is reliable, after all… Really, the article makes my point clear enough, but still: what the fuck will The Sims movie be about? Try to answer that honestly. Can you make an acceptable plot to a Sims movie, that will still be related to the film? I guess that Fox wasn’t there when the rights on Monopoly were sold, so they just grabbed whatever the fuck they found before some hobo will take it, write a novel adaptation and send it over to Penguin.

Ohh, Jerry Lee Lewis. I like the guy… OK, I’m chilling out. This is probably a long post by now, so if you’re still reading this, I want to ask a question (and imagine me in a Michael Moore over-the-top deep voice as I say this): what is this world coming to? Crap on T.V., crap in films, considering today’s enterteinment it seems the whole human race is nothing but retards. And if you ain’t frightened by now, well, give it time. It will catch you while reading some Kafka or listening to some emo music (not that they are depressing - their existence is) or a good Pink Floyd album on a certein mood, as I am right now listening to ‘Hey You’. And just to give you some good stuff to wash the horrible things you just witnessed (live action Dragon Ball? Are you serious?), see posters of adaptations that thankfully will never make it to the real screen. I hope.

Hell, I need some Sex Pistols now, I hope they come up. You know what, fuck that. I’m putting some Pistols myself. ‘Anarchy in the U.K.’, that’s the stuff.

So in conclusion, I hope you liked the post. As you might see I’m not very good at fully expressing myself, but I hope I got the messege out: Hollywood is driving down a cliff which will eventually lead to it’s inevitable ending very soon. No? Would you believe a two-years-crisis that will bring consequences that will cost Hollywood about 1.6 million dollars? How about two Scary Movie sequels cancelled and a Terry Gilliam project indefinitely delayed?