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Archive for the 'News' Category

Berlinale – Honey Wins Golden Bear

Since our days in Berlin, we’ve kept a close eye on the Berlinale — a festival which has become one of the world’s most important. The winner of the Golden Bear is almost always an incredible movie which takes everyone by surprise, and this year’s selection looks to continue the pattern.


Cue the ‘bears love honey’ jokes

Honey (Bal), by filmmaker Semih Kaplanoglu, is about a poetic account of young boy’s search for his missing father — a honey worker. It’s the third part of the director’s reverse-order “Yusuf” Trilogy, following Eggs and Milk. Check out the trailer — this is a film tailor-made to rack up awards:

- The world’s most annoying alarm clock

Russell Brand Kills Easter

It’s official, casting news can cause migraines and a loss of faith in the simple goodness of man. Russell Brand has been cast to give life to the Easter Bunny in a new comedy mixing CGI and live action.

I lived for awhile in Ireland, during which Russell Brand was on the television every single time I turned it on. Every fucking time. That, and the rain, were our reasons for leaving the island. Now, he’s going to be starring alongside James Marsden as the Easter Bunny.

And I haven’t even mentioned the name of the movie “I Hop”. Seriously, it’s called “I Hop”. That’s so goddamn punny, I don’t even know where to start.

Somewhere, people are getting paid a lot money to create a movie called I Hop about the Easter Bunny, starring Russell Brand. I… I just… I don’t know.

- 33. America’s Cup


Haitian Film

Like most of the world right now, we’ve been horrified and captivated by what’s happened in Haiti. The most important thing that anyone can do is donate generously to the relief efforts — we’re no experts in altruism, so please refer to this helpful article at Aidwatchers.com for the best way to send money.

A consequence of this tragedy is an increased interest in the beleaguered island nation. If you’d like to bolster your knowledge of Haiti, a good place to start might be FilmHaiti.com, a website that offers a lot of videos about the country.

Not Everyone Loves The Road

The Road has been one of the season’s most anticipated and critically acclaimed films. But not everyone is on board… especially a gentleman by the name of Fiore Mastracci, a critic recently featured by The Guardian in an article titled “Why I love the world’s worst film critic”.

And, indeed, Mastracci’s review truly is bad. He uses the most amateur similes imaginable (“excrement on celluloid”), makes fun of children (“McPhee is an irritating dirty faced boy”) and employs the most groaningly obvious, timeworn references (the Energizer bunny? Seriously?). It’s no help that his English is piss-poor.

But somehow, he’s “made it”, in at least some sense of the phrase. He has 204 god-awful reviews published on Rotten Tomatoes and is a member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association. It’s almost enough to make you weep… if you weren’t laughing so hard. Mastracci makes it a point to hate every movie which is critically lauded, and his reviews are laced with scatological references, racism and homophobia. The Guardian’s Stuart McGurk notes that “In a pièce de résistance, he gave Transamerica 0/10 solely for being about a transsexual.”

Still, scrolling through his reviews at least makes for a great way to waste some time… I especially love the outraged comments at the end of each. So keep at it, Mr. Mastracci! I get the sense that you feed on hate.

- Gift Guide 2009

The Insane Defense of Roman Polanski

We love Roman Polanski’s work as much as the next guy, but didn’t realize that being a great filmmaker morally exonerates your having drugged and raped a 13 year-old. And then plead guilty to it. And then fled the country because you were afraid of jail.

But people are falling out of the woodworks to claim just that. Hollywood types like Whoopi Goldberg, who argues that drugging and sodomizing a child wasn’t exactly, like, “rape-rape”. Even the usually sober scholar Anne Applebaum calls Polanski’s arrest “outrageous“.

But the best defense of Polanski we’ve read is at the (humor) site HolyTaco.com. Money Quote:

Anyway, while they were taking pictures, he fed the girl champagne, quaaludes, and some kind of sedative, because that’s the kind of guy he is; he’s a gentleman. He’s gonna get you nice and numb before he rapes and sodomizes you against your will. Good move, Romie. The girl was apparently telling Roman things like “No” and “Stop” the whole time, but because she was so shitfaced from being force-fed drugs and alcohol, it probably came out more like “Numflkdggh” and “Stlmpfghh”, so it’s really not Roman’s fault for not picking up on the cues.

Hmm. True. That’s almost enough to make us reconsider!

I may not be a great filmmaker… but I do help run a decently popular website! So while child-rape is probably out of the question, I wonder what Whoopie would let me get away with? I’ll start with spitting on a 6 year-old and see how that goes.

- Ideas for Halloween 2009

Patrick Swayze’s Five Best Films

Actor Patrick Swayze passed away this morning, after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. His performances in Dirty Dancing and Ghost made him famous, and an eternal heartthrob to a generation of girls. Swayze had a turbulent career in Hollywood, with as many ups as downs.

We’ve compiled his top 5 films according to Criticker users, and the results are pretty interesting. Most occur in the later stages of his career, suggesting he was not losing his touch. And besides the undeniably entertaining Point Break, the apex of his popularity, the late 80s to early 90s, is ignored. It also begs mentioning that these tend to be films in which Mr. Swayze has supporting roles. Perhaps not his most iconic movies, but they’re quality and he shines in each.

1. Donnie Darko (2001)


A genre-busting fable that blasts the American suburban drama into a wildly imaginative realm of time travel, alternative universes and the manipulation of one’s fate.

2. 11:14 (2003)


11:14 tells the seemingly random yet vitally connected story of a set of incidents that all converge one evening at 11:14pm. It’s a sort of musical chairs with a corpse, with the structurally intriguing storytelling style of “Memento” and “Run Lola Run.”

3. The Outsiders (1983)


When two poor greasers, Johnny, and Ponyboy are assaulted by a vicious gang, the socs, and Johnny kills one of the attackers, tension begins to mount between the two rival gangs, setting off a turbulent chain of events

4. Keeping Mum (2005)


Walter Goodfellow (Atkinson) is the well-meaning vicar of the parish of Little Wallop. So obsessed with writing the perfect sermon, he’s oblivious to his wife Gloria’s (Thomas) dalliance with her brash golf instructor Lance (Swayze), has trouble keeping track of his daughter Holly’s parade of new boyfriends, and neglects his young son Petey. Enter the charming and discreet new housekeeper Grace (Smith), the answer to the family’s prayers. Problems solved only lead to more problems created in this story of good intentions run amok.

5. Point Break (1991)


An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who may be surfers.

And the worst? That would be his 1986 hockey epic Youngblood

.

News from Venice – Soderbergh, Romero, Herzog

The world’s oldest film festival, Venice is set to wrap up on Saturday. As usual, a number of important films made their premieres there, and we’ll summarize the reaction for a few of the most highly anticipated.

Romero’s Survival of the Dead – Thumbs Up!

George Romero’s latest political diatribe, disguised as a zombie flick, won praise from critics and audiences alike. Extremely gory, it focuses on two feuding Irish families, who have differing ideas on whether to kill or imprison zombies. Survival of the Dead hasn’t yet received its stateside release date.

Soderbergh’s The Informant! – Thumbs Mostly Up!

With The Informant!, Steven Soderbergh returns to the true-story formula which won him a ton of awards with Erin Brokovich. Matt Damon, who gained 30 pounds for the roll of whistleblower Mark Whitacre, had audiences at Venice laughing, though critics’ reviews were mixed — some for, some against.

Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant – Thumbs Down!

We love Werner Herzog, but when this project — a re-imagining of Abel Ferrara’s cult 1992 hit — was announced, we were skeptical. Xzibit and Nicholas Cage aren’t necessarily at the top of our “favorite actors” list. And then it turns out Herzog has never even seen the original (something which rightly irritated Ferrara). Audiences were turned off by Cage’s hysterical overacting, and most reviews have been pretty poor.

Romero > Soderbergh > Herzog? Life is full of surprises.

- Wanker Shirt