Conan the Barbarian

[ShogunRua]

Half the people who watch this don't understand the big deal, and think it's just another forgettable swords and sandals film. The other half, myself included, consider it one of the greatest, most epic masterpieces ever made. Let me try to explain why;

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

After his village is burned, his parents murdered, and he himself is enslaved, a young Cimmerian warrior named Conan goes through life fighting and killing, eventually seeking revenge upon the snake overlord Thulsa Doom.

Amusingly enough, this was co-written by John Milius (who also directed) and Oliver Stone, two guys who couldn't possibly be more different.

Stone, still a few years away from his major successes with "Platoon" and "Wall Street", was an extremely liberal, anti-Reagan, anti-capitalist. Milius, whose previous script was merely Coppola's "Apocalypse Now", was a fierce conservative whose political beliefs largely black-listed him from Hollywood, despite his extraordinary talents. I would love to know how the fuck they worked together.

Despite having watched this film no fewer than 80 times during the course of my life, it was only very recently that I understand what Milius was going for.

"Conan the Barbarian" is no more and no less than an homage, a love letter to Sergio Leone and his spaghetti Westerns!

The beautiful, desolate, rolling landscapes stretching as far as the eye can see. The extreme, constant facial close-ups. The larger-than-life, incredible heroes and villains. A bitter, desperate tale of revenge. The outstanding performances perfectly suited to the characters. (Arnold as Conan, and James Earl Jones as the merciless Thulsa Doom)

While Milius channeled Leone, composer Basil Poledouris produced a soundtrack as good as anything Ennio Morricone ever made. When I think of the movie, I instantly start humming the tune to The Anvil of Crom. The orchestral score is in every scene, wonderfully reflecting the gorgeous, epic setting, or the bloody, vicious fighting.

But while Milius was making his own version of a Leone Western, he managed to surpass anything the Italian master himself ever did! There are two reasons for this.

Firstly, while Leone was good at writing dialogue, Milius was GREAT. Remember all those terrific quotes from "Apocalypse Now", like "I love the smell of napalm in the morning"? Well, Milius does just as good of a job here. Without ever being over the top or cheesy, the quotes convey the mystery and excitement of an entire fantasy world.

Conan's father's story about the Riddle of Steel or Conan's prayer to his God Crom are among the best speeches I have heard in any film, let alone one in the action/adventure genre.

Secondly, there is a pervasive sense of sadness throughout the film. As the narrator constantly mentions; "...once, but long ago..." Everywhere Conan goes, there is death and decay, and he himself is a lonely, often pitiful figure.

His parents are murdered. His kinsmen are all dead. When Conan visits a tomb, he sees the bones of fierce warriors, once no different than himself, now nothing but creaking, dusty bones forgotten by time.

Finally, when Conan is captured by a king, a once-proud, noble, and feared ruler, he encounters an old, heartbroken man who cares nothing for all his jewels, wealth, or power, but only a stupid, treacherous daughter, now under the control of Thulsa Doom.

Even the ending doesn't provide a respite; Conan eventually becomes a king, but wears the crown under a "troubled brow".

And yet, despite the inescapable undercurrent of sorrow, it's an epic tale of one man's personal quest. In the end, he DOES achieve something meaningful, something great that will be remembered by generations of later men.

A shining masterpiece.

91/100

[td888]

haha, for once I agree with you. Conan is one of my favourite childhood films. It still gets shown weekly on one of the movie channels ('movies for men' it's called....), and I watch it everytime I stumble upon it. I'll take your notes into account when I'll watch it again.

[Zozan]

wierd, but ok.

[TheDenizen]

I am firmly in the camp that considers Conan the Barbarian a total masterpiece. The score is one of the best ever.

[Cabrera]

"WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE?"
"TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU, AND TO HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN."

[Prismatic]

It truly is brilliant. If only they'd went balls out with an R-rating for its potentially good, but failed sequel. I heard there's an R-rated printing somewhere.

[TheDenizen]

It truly is brilliant. If only they'd went balls out with an R-rating for its potentially good, but failed sequel. I heard there's an R-rated printing somewhere.

if it has Olivia D'abo with her tits out I would pay serious coin for a copy.