General Discussion : Favorite Mini-Reviews

[Pickpocket]

Shmendrek for Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Where you all see an incompetently directed slasher film, I see trenchant social commentary. In an early part of the story, Jason inhabits the body of a young black man, a "hellish" fate in the America of the early 90s. Consider the film's temporal proximity to the Rodney King trial and the-- ahahaha, just kidding, this movie is a piece of shit.

[Replicant]

My favorite writers on here are probably Stain, Ytadel, Replicant, Bojangles, and Moribunny

*bows*

Thank you. Glad to hear that *somebody* reads all this crap that I write.

That's how I feel after seeing my name mentioned too, lol


While I'm quoting you, your reviews are some of the more honest ones, but that goes with the unique taste (that we disagree a lot about)

Some other favorite reviewers:
e_e (too bad he doesn't come here anymore), FitFortDanga, KGB, Pickpocket, Spunkie, Stain (as mentioned), lonelypanda, Jellysauce, fabfunk, Ruffelsack, Djross and others I cannot remember off the top of my head.

Don't forget the one, the only, legendary Uwe Boll
http://www.criticker.com/profile/Uwe_Boll

[edkrak]

Don't forget the one, the only, legendary Uwe Boll
http://www.criticker.com/profile/Uwe_Boll

Not funny. I smell Horrormaster here.

[LordofDance]

Ytadel on Donkey Punch:

"Ahahaha, I can't even believe this movie is something that's real. It's pretty bad, but I just love the fact that someone decided it was a good idea to make a movie about a tragic donkey punch, and producers and actors and crew rallied to do just that. I love that there were call sheets and budget binders with "Donkey Punch" on top. I love that the first act ends with a seven-minute softcore orgy scene. I love everything about this movie except the part where you actually watch it."

I am so pissed that I wasn't the first person (that I know of) to combine the words "tragic" and "donkey punch". It's like a large door just shut on a portion of my life, never to be opened again.

[Pickpocket]

Criminal5 on 101 Dalmations:

I saw this in theaters lol

[Hopscotch]

I'm pretty sure he JUST wrote this, but it's great:

The Invasion - Pickpocket

Excerpts from conversations while watching this film: "Why did she do that?" "Why didn't she kill him?" "This makes no sense." "We should've smoked some weed before watching this." "Daniel Craig needs a haircut and an acting coach." "wha" "Why did that happen?" "This is so fucking gay." "Why is every other scene Nicole Kidman hugging her annoying kid? We get it bitch, you love your son. Move on kthx" "You have any excedrin cause this shitty editing is giving me a headache?" "Let's get high" "k"

These ones made me laugh as well:

L' Arrivee d'un train a La Ciotat - Shmendrek

Sometimes I like to think about the honest, provincial folks back in 1895 who, unfamiliar with film as a medium, saw an enormous train bearing down on them and with eyes as wide as saucers and mouths shaped like tiny hamburgers, dove screaming into the aisles to avoid meeting their demise. And then I laugh a deep, hearty, stupid laugh, wipe the drool from my chin, and feel like an asshole.

This is Spinal Tap - Ocelot

I wish Criticker's tiers went all the way up to 11.

Memoirs of a Geisha - Kain424

Very pretty... but pretty uninteresting. A prime example of why geisha's shouldn't have memoirs.

[KGB]

shebang's review of 'A Rebel Without a Cause':

Need I say it but this film is incredibly dated. It's interesting in the sense that going to the museum is interesting; the way family relationships are depicted is mindbendingly surreal. James Dean sure did have a purdy face, but I'm not convinced of his immortal badassery. For one thing, I fail to see how he's relatable to today's youth, and for another everything in RWAC seems to take place in a consequence-free vacuum. Hey that pseudo-gay guy just got fucking shot! Who gives a shit! Eyyyyy!

Perfectly sums it up and just made my day.

[frederic_g54]

shebang's review of 'A Rebel Without a Cause':

nice mention, my 2nd pick would be triffid's review for 'Dancer in the Dark':

I despise the cheap way von Trier tries to manipulate the audience. Watching "Dancer in the Dark" is like watching a film where a cute little bunny is being slowly and painfully dissected alive. I felt almost as if the director himself was standing behind me in the cinema and yelling "Cry! Cry! This is sad!" I refused to be manipulated that way - and hated the film.

[Hopscotch]

Rounday Garden Scene:

An erotically charged action thrill ride. (BillyShears)

The Zombie Diaries:

I'm gonna kill all the help I can get. (Da Govna)

Secret Window:

You stole my story. You stole my hat. You stole myself. I stole me. (GravyMaximus)

The Fearless Hyena:

Vengeance by way of testicular destruction. (joseywales)

Rob Roy:

So let's get this straight - before Liam Neeson has done a single thing to him, Tim Roth steals his money, stabs his best friend to death, shoots his dog, kills his cattle, burns his house down, and just for good measure rapes his wife. Now that's what being a villain is all about! The swordfight at the end doesn't hurt either. (Ytadel)

[frederic_g54]

Stain's review for Troy:

brings new meaning to the term "EPIC FAIL"

actually, most of Stain's reviews are hilarious