If the 1990s have taught us anything, it's that basketball players can't act. Michael Jordan bombed with critics in Space Jam, and Shaquille O'Neal flopped in Kazzam and Steel. But nowhere is this theory majorly supported than in Simon Sez.
This is an action comedy that serves as the second major acting credit for former Chicago Bulls player Dennis Rodman. His prior appearance was in 1997's Double Team, alongside Jean-Claude Van Damme. For a terrible action flick, it did get points for a climactic coliseum showdown, complete with Coca-Cola product placements. You're better off watching that again than this movie, in which an Interpol agent named Simon (Rodman) is given an assignment to rescue a close friend's daughter, Claire Fence (Natalia Cigliuti). Assisting him in his quest are two cybermonks and his sidekick Nick Miranda (Dane Cook).
Dennis Rodman's acting is just like what we've seen from him in Double Team. In other words, it's another acting attempt by an NBA superstar. To his credit, though, he's actually the best actor in this movie. Now, it's not signaling a good performance, but it's a huge compliment in comparison to his co-star, Dane Cook. With Simon Sez as the second movie he's ever done, Dane Cook is best known as a stand-up comedian who's had more acting credits than his co-stars overall. Now, he's way better as a stand-up comedian than he is an actor. He did have some good movies like Horton Hears a Who and Dan in Real Life. However, he is totally obnoxious in this movie. His idiotic comic relief character even makes Dennis Rodman look like Marlon Brando. There are more terrible comedy acting where that came from. There's also Micro (John Pinette) and Macro (Ricky Harris) as the two cybermonks, which is actually defined in Webster's as "unfunny computer nerds that spend too much time playing Dungeons & Dragons in their mom's basement". These comedic characters are all written in the most unnatural way possible. They're not just bad. They're annoyingly bad.
This is an action comedy that heavily borrows from better films like 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop and Rush Hour, except in an agent theme. It also tries to come off as an action film when it completely feels like a comedy film. And when the plot and action kicks in, the movie suddenly goes on autopilot. They make the storyline and development so uninteresting, that it's not even on the same level as the awfulness in the first act. Although, you probably stopped caring about this movie after you're introduced to Cook, Pinette and Harris.
In terms of action comedy, Simon Sez is sterile and boring as an action flick and even worse as a comedy. Dennis Rodman gives a better acting performance than he does in Double Team. Yet overall, Simon Sez is not only the worst movie to star an NBA player, but it's also bar none the worst movie to come out of the 1990s.
Score: 0/100
Recommendation: None