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Kojiless
Cinema Addict - 1521 Films Ranked
Member Since: Jun 5, 2006
Location: Fujimi, Saitama, Japan
Bio: I've a horse outside.
Featured Reviews
73 T6 Detention (2011) - Jan 15, 2013
"The future of film. Gone are long establishing shots and powerful monologues, and in their place are quick, orgasmic bursts of tomfoolery, random, yet irrelevant pop culture references, and what can only be defined as visual reconstructions of twitterisms such as wtf and lolwut. It's like watching a meme in motion, barreling down the information highway at breakneck speeds, caring little for the carnage it leaves in its wake. It's information overload for people only as smart as their phones."
78 T8 Fair Game (1986) - Jun 19, 2012
"Home Alone if Macaulay Culkin was a smokin' hawt Linda Hamilton clone trying to protect wildlife on her outback preserve, while vehemently refusing to wear a bra at all times. Mad Max if Mel Gibson was a trio of inbred crazies skinnin' roos and driving a demon-jeep. The Most Dangerous Game if the most dangerous game was tying that smokin' hawt wildlife preserver to the demon-jeep, slicing up her shirt and driving her around the desert, naked under the sun for none (except me, of course) to see."
72 T5 Death Proof (2007) - Jun 24, 2011
"Do you like watching a 40-something man masturbate? Then you'll love Death Proof. Tarantino made this movie so he'd have something to wax on/wax off to those Friday nights Uma Thurman already has plans. Long, drawn-out, profanity-laden dialogue sequences? Check. Samuel L Jackson-esque preachy characters? Check. Director cameo that is longer than it should be? Check. Obscure songs from the 60s that you don't know, therefore you suck? Check. Random appearance by bespectacled Asian girls? Check."
72 T5 Safe (2012) - Sep 07, 2012
"A past-his-prime white male frolicking about New York with an 11-year old Asian girl who's good at math? It's Woody Allen's life with 175% more fisticuffs."
77 T8 Naked Lunch (1991) - Nov 28, 2011
"The Peter-Weller-somehow-avoids-all-homosexual-encounters-despite-constantly-being-pressured-into-them-by-a-beetle-typewriter-that-speaks-from-a-giant-anus-under-its-wings movie. Two thumbs up!"
73 T6 Visitor of a Museum (1989) - Nov 26, 2011
"My mind was blown by a five-ruble whore in a back alley of Moscow and now I have herpes. This film taught me that the world is an endless landfill, humans are mentally challenged inbreds with bad teeth, and Jesus is a schizoid who likes to scream a lot. And it only took a little more than two hours."
52 T2 Damnation Alley (1977) - Jul 10, 2011
"In a post-apocalyptic wasteland where all that remains is Morton's salt, Texas Instruments calculators posing as army-engineered navigation systems, and a Las Vegas that mysteriously generates its own power, only an actor of George Peppard's caliber can pull off a line like "The town's infested with killer cockroaches! Repeat, killer cockroaches!" What will happen in the final showdown when our weary heroes are pitted against a vile jammed door, armed with nothing but a crowbar and their wits!?"
20 T1 Scary Movie (2000) - Aug 13, 2007
"Feed scrabble pieces to your dog and the next morning you'll have better jokes steaming on the lawn than you'll find in this movie."
70 T5 Collateral Damage (2002) - Aug 13, 2007
"Needed more rocket launchers, mini-guns, cloaking devices, Crom, jet packs, liquid titanium... Even a few kindergarteners would have helped. Still, Arnold clings to the bottom of a truck for God-knows how many kilometers so...I'm required to give him at least 50 points for that."
75 T7 The Blood of Heroes (1989) - Nov 16, 2011
"This movie is filled with so much awesome, even an apocalyptic outback cannot contain it all. AND, it introduces us to the sport of the future: and we learn it's just like Quidditch, but with less Malfoys and more ear-biting."
 
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