Mini-Review: Well, semen in the hair might seem amusing at first, but until you've gone through the ordeal you shouldn't be laughing at Mary's expense. I couldn't help myself though - the image of her as a female Tintin with hair gelled back with cum was too good to ignore. 99% of my score goes to this mental image.

Mini-Review: Don't tell me I'm the only one who's noticed the parallel between Aslan and Fred Phelps. The religious right find a way of polluting everything, not even stopping at children's classics.

Mini-Review: Laced with a strong metaphor representing the epidemic of obesity in modern western culture, but let down by poor CGI.

Mini-Review: Unbelievably bad. Why am I soulless for hating this movie? Ask yourself, if you're not a right-wing hick who supports capital punishment, or at the very least the concept of prison as punishment, how is this life affirming for you? It's telling you what you yourself feel in your heart. Its depiction of prison is glorious, and I would choose to go on holiday there. Cakes are baked, books are read, and everything's hum-diddly-dum. Its popularity proves that it is an opiate of the retarded.