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Archive for March, 2008

Screenplays for You


Photo Credit: FestchStyle

Feel like reenacting your favorite movie, but you don’t know the lines? If only you could get your finger on the screenplay…

Check out Screenplays for You, which has a small collection of full length screenplays. Just print them out and get to work!

David Lynch solves your problems

David Lynch can solve problems:


And there are more where that came from. Honestly, the other ones are much funnier.

Top 10 Jackie Chan Stunts

Jackie Chan working as a stuntman in the 1971 Bruce Lee film Fist of Fury

Jackie Chan working as a stuntman in the 1971 Bruce Lee film Fist of Fury. Bruce Lee (left) is “snapping” Jackie Chan’s neck.

JamesNintendoNerd‘s Jackie Chan Top 10 stunts video:

Appleseed Ex Machina DVD Giveaway


We have 4 DVDs of the animation Appleseed Saga: Ex Machina to give away, in return for a review. I’m supposed to write one, too, but I couldn’t stand the film and don’t like being too negative.

But maybe I’m the wrong person to make a judgement. I haven’t seen the first Appleseed, didn’t like the way this one was animated (the whole movie felt like sequences from a computer game) and found the storyline unwatchable.

So to allow this film a fair shot at justice we are giving 4 DVDs (Region Code 1) away.

The only thing you have to do in return is promise to watch it and write a review about it, which we will put post here on the Criticker Blog.

Please post a comment if you are interested.

Buy this DVD now: Appleseed Ex Machina

Set Your Own Colors & Quips

We’ve just released a brand new enhancement for Criticker, which a lot of users had been asking for: the ability to set your own colors and quips (Awesome, Great, Good, etc) for film rankings.

One of the most common complaints in our inbox concerns the automatic descriptions assigned to rankings, based on tiers, which don’t necessarily conform to how the user really feels. For example, if a film ranked 80 falls into tier 6, Criticker by default says it’s “alright”, with a color of yellow. But perhaps, you want for films ranked 80 and above to be considered “Great”. Well, now you have that ability.

This new functionality does not affect recommendations. PSIs and the tiers used to build them are left unchanged — it’s just a tool which will help you more accurately describe your rankings. Interested? Then, here’s the link:
Adjust Your Score Colors & Quips

Please let us know if you find any problems with this new tool!

Rolling Stone’s Top 25 Music DVDs of All Times

No new posts, people? Well, I guess it’s up to me then…

So I’m in a good mood because I saw Bob Dylan last night. He was about 50 mts. away from me, which by itself is a good reason to pay 100$ (pesos). And in this good mood I thought, ‘Why wait for someone to write a post? Let’s go and write it’. So I looked up for good material, and reading through my copy of Rolling Stone [Argentina] I came across a list of the ‘Top 25 Music DVDs of All Times’ according to Rolling Stone. Well, here they are (along with links to their respective Criticker entry):

 25. U2: Rattle and Hum (1988)

24. The Devil and Daniel Johnston (2005)

23. Tupac: Resurrection (2003)

22. The Harder They Come (1972)

21. The Old Grey Whistle Test, Vol. 1 (2002)

20. The T.A.M.I. Show (1964)

19. End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones (2003)

18. Deep Blues: A Musical Pilgrimage to the Crossroads (1991)

17. Madonna: Truth or Dare (1991)

16. Dig! (2004)

15. Elvis: ’68 Comeback Special (1968)

14. Hype! (1996)

13. The Kids Are Alright (1979)

12. Sex Pistols: The Filth and the Fury (2000)

11. I Am Trying to Break Your Heart: A Film About Wilco (2002)

10. No Direction Home: Bob Dylan (2005)

9. Purple Rain (1984)

8. Stop Making Sense (1984)

7. Wild Style (1983) [It’s a shame this film is not on Criticker, I haven’t seen it but it sounds fascinaing]

6. Gimme Shelter (1970)

5. Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (2004)

4. Woodstock: Three Days of Peace and Music (1970)

3.  A Hard Day’s Night (1964)

2. Monterey Pop (1968)

1. The Last Waltz (1978)

Well, there it is… You might notice through the links that Criticker users have quite a different idea of the list. If only there was a general PSI info… Vincente, how about it?

The future of the film industry in our own universe

OK, so you people (is anybody even reading this?) are having to many blog posts lately, and I’m one to blame for that. I was going to wait a few days to post this, but this is really bugging my mind, it’s 2:00 a.m., I’m shuffling my iTunes library (currently listening to ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ by Paul McCartney), and I have nothing better to do. Well, as Dylan said, “When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose” (sidenote: I’m going to see him live next friday! Hooray!). That was a great song, you know? I hope it’s coming up in my shuffle party. And yes, there will be links.
As you might know already, a ‘Get Smart’ film is coming to theatres starring Steve Carrell as Agent 86. Interesting casting, If I may say. The trailers didn’t look too bad neither – some redundant visual gags, but then again, it’s ‘Get Smart’ people. And as Argentina has the habit of dubbing whatever the hell they can as if nobody can read here, I never got the chance to see ‘Get Smart’ without an annoying voice-over in spanish, thus never got the chance to see ‘Get Smart’ at all. So I downloaded a few episodes, and… Hey, it’s a great show. Hey, ‘We Can Work It Up’ came up. Yeah, I love The Beatles.

Anyway, as I was thinking of the great episodes I saw and of the trailers, I just thought, WHY? They weren’t bad, as I said, but comeon… In 1966 a ‘Get Smart’ film was planned and didn’t turn out in the end, so instead the scripts were made into three episodes in the fourth season, ‘A Man Called Smart’, pt. 1-3, satisfaction guaranteed. Hmm, The Byrds are up.

But it didn’t bother me too much, you know. It’s just one remake, but it turns out it’s more than one. You might have heard of the ‘Horton Hears a Who‘ remake, the film following ‘Sex & the City‘, and the Wachowski Brothers’ (or maybe brother and sister?) ‘Speed Racer‘ (is there a worse way to ruin a childhood memory? Oh yeah, Mike Myers’ ‘The Cat in the Hat‘. Just about proves my point). Only now you hear it all together, and suddenly it’s quite disturbing, isn’t it?

Well that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. It wasn’t until I read this article when I started to panic. Was it the writer’s strike that caused all this? Oh, who am I kidding? Hollywood was like this all along.

 You see, ever since the beggining of films we were adapting whatever crap we managed to get our hands on. The first narrative film (although it’s open to discussion) itself, ‘A Trip to the Moon‘ (our friendly user dharmabum offers the film in his mini-review, if you’d like to see it), was loosely based on the works of Jules Verne and H. G. Wells. But it wasn’t until 1993 when Hollywood proved us how adaptations can go horribly wrong, when a depressed 43-years-old film executive came up with the brilliant idea that will eventually destroy us all: FILMS BASED ON VIDEO GAMES. Give me an H-Bomb any day of the week, people.

OK, I’ll avoid bitching about how fucked up Hollywood is just because I’m currently listening to Van Morrison’s ‘Moondance’ and I’m in a good mood. But if some Pixies suddenly appear, Hollywood’s getting it big time… OK, forget I said that. I mean, just look at that list. THE SIMS MOVIE? Is that a fucking joke? Appearantly, it isn’t. Variety is reliable, after all… Really, the article makes my point clear enough, but still: what the fuck will The Sims movie be about? Try to answer that honestly. Can you make an acceptable plot to a Sims movie, that will still be related to the film? I guess that Fox wasn’t there when the rights on Monopoly were sold, so they just grabbed whatever the fuck they found before some hobo will take it, write a novel adaptation and send it over to Penguin.

Ohh, Jerry Lee Lewis. I like the guy… OK, I’m chilling out. This is probably a long post by now, so if you’re still reading this, I want to ask a question (and imagine me in a Michael Moore over-the-top deep voice as I say this): what is this world coming to? Crap on T.V., crap in films, considering today’s enterteinment it seems the whole human race is nothing but retards. And if you ain’t frightened by now, well, give it time. It will catch you while reading some Kafka or listening to some emo music (not that they are depressing – their existence is) or a good Pink Floyd album on a certein mood, as I am right now listening to ‘Hey You’. And just to give you some good stuff to wash the horrible things you just witnessed (live action Dragon Ball? Are you serious?), see posters of adaptations that thankfully will never make it to the real screen. I hope.

Hell, I need some Sex Pistols now, I hope they come up. You know what, fuck that. I’m putting some Pistols myself. ‘Anarchy in the U.K.’, that’s the stuff.

So in conclusion, I hope you liked the post. As you might see I’m not very good at fully expressing myself, but I hope I got the messege out: Hollywood is driving down a cliff which will eventually lead to it’s inevitable ending very soon. No? Would you believe a two-years-crisis that will bring consequences that will cost Hollywood about 1.6 million dollars? How about two Scary Movie sequels cancelled and a Terry Gilliam project indefinitely delayed?