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Archive for the 'Lists' Category

The Worst 10 Films of 2013

2013 is just about over, and it’s time to look back on the year that was. We’ve compiled a list of the best and the worst films, as chosen by the users of Criticker. These are selected from the 289 movies up for 2013’s Best Picture Oscar, which have at least 50 rankings at Criticker. We’ll start with the stinkers. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the worst films of the year.

10. The Smurfs 2 – 2.7294 Average Tier

“Begins with Smurfette being cast out of the compound. She reconnects with her real family and experiences a few days of true happiness before falling into Gargamel’s schemes (a cycle sadly common to victims of traumatic abuse). The movie ends on a downbeat note when Papa Smurf re-initiates Smurfette into the commune, along with her whole family. Probably the bleakest and hard-to-watch examination of the human condition and the victim/abuser cycle since Requiem for a Dream.” – misterlizard

9. After Earth – 2.7231 Average Tier

“Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans…except the plants, birds, hogs, and buffalo. In fact most things won’t try to kill you. You’ll be fine unless you throw rocks like a dick.” – SirStuckey

8. Runner Runner – 2.5952 Average Tier

“This film will have audiences running from the theaters. Seriously though, I don’t know what the hell this is. It’s terrible. There’s no reason to care about any of it. There’s no idea behind it. It’s one of those films that comes off as if its made by people who have only vaguely heard second hand what a film is. Strange to think this is from the director of Lincoln Lawyer, which was decent.” – Rufflesack

7. Grown Ups 2 – 2.5496 Average Tier

“This isn’t offensive in terms of bad taste (it’s so tame high schoolers covertly pour beer out rather than drink it), but it is offensive in terms of mean-spirited stereotyping. Men are infantile jackasses, women are sex objects and/or harpies, and small-towners are pathetic grotesques. It’s lazy in every way, from the dispirited performances to the vapid script to the ho-hum direction. Adam Sandler seems to hold his audience in complete contempt, and if this is a hit, no wonder. 2013’s worst.” – xacviant

6. The Big Wedding – 2.5263 Average Tier

“My tolerance for mediocre rom-com is far higher than most, I’ve found, but even I was majorly disappointed by the incongruous and tiresome combination of dramatic tedium and ‘edgy’ vulgarity on display here. Skip it, even if you love De Niro — wait. *Especially* if you love De Niro.” – Wezzo

5. A Good Day to Die Hard – 2.4362 Average Tier

“All that’s left of the franchise is all the references to the original. It actually hurt to watch it at times. Seems like these days no one is able to make an action film with ambitions anymore…” – Bunken

4. Texas Chainsaw 3D – 2.1707 Average Tier

“If you’re gonna take liberties with a well documented franchise, at least get the logistics right. This film picks up the same night that the original movie ends…August 19th, 1973. That was 40 years ago, but for some reason, Heather is only in her 20’s now. Do people not even think anymore when making movies? Also, are we to believe that Heather conveniently forgets that Leatherface just slaughtered her friends and lives in a pit of gore, but she’s ok with that because they are family? FFS!!!” – Jerky

3. Movie 43 – 2.1597 Average Tier

“This movie is such a shame. The idea of a comedy anthology with a whole bunch of stars in it is a great idea. This end result is godawful. Were some of the shorts better than others? Of course. But were any of them actually good? No. Not a single one. There were small bits that werenÂ’’t a complete waste of time, but not many. Far too much immature, lame humour without a bit of taste. I imagine most of the actors involved regret doing this. I know I regret watching it.” – damil

2. A Haunted House – 2.0532 Average Tier

“This movie is like literally 50% rape jokes.” – axleblaze

1. The Last Exorcism Part II – 2.0000 Average Tier

“It could be subtitled “Ashley Bell Wanders Around for a Couple Hours Looking at Scary Things.” Bland and unimaginative, and it refuses to make any good use of its New Orleans locale. Decidedly minor league stuff, not worth anyone’s time. And I quite liked its predecessor…” – Superargo

List Watch: Best Schwarzenegger Expressions

“Gggghhhh!” “Uuuhhhaugh?” “Uaauuhhh!”


These classic lines of theatrical dialogue can only come from one of our age’s finest thespians. Sir Ahnuld Schwarzenegger. Criticker user Barthalen has compiled ten of the athlete/actor/politician/living-myth’s best facial expressions into a list, which you can vote on.

This is one of the more popular new lists to come along in awhile, and for good reason! Life offers few pleasures so fun as clicking on raging Arnolds.

Criticker Lists: It Came From Russia (With Love)

It’s a gigantic, cold place, and not as powerful as it used to be, but Shebang has created a Criticker List to help us remember (and rank) some of the great things which Russia has given to the world.

Some of Russia’s Contributions to Humanity. Spasibo!

And they’re no slouches in the film making department, either! Go pour yourself a shot of vodka, and then check out this witty list… and make sure to give it a star if you liked it.

Criticker Lists: The Most Important Thing In a Film

Criticker user shalev has created a popular list that has probably sparked a thousand heated discussions among cinema fans. What is the most important thing in a film? He’s selected 10 of the most important aspects of film making, and now you get to rank them.

What a fascinating idea for a list! The most frequently chosen #1 surprised me a little bit… you’ll have to complete it yourself to see what it was! If you haven’t started using Movie Forum

Criticker Lists – Arrested Development Characters

Arrested Development was one of the best sitcoms in the past ten years, thanks to incredibly clever jokes and plotting, but mostly due to its zany, unforgettable cast of characters.

I thought naming my favorite characters from the show would be simple, but completing the list created by Ytadel turned out to be extremely difficult. How is it possible to say I prefer G.O.B. to George Michael Bluth? I love them both equally, in completely different ways. But it must be done. They must be ranked.

The Arrested Development movie keeps getting delayed. Until it comes out, we’ll just have to content ourselves with rewatching the painfully short-lived series again, and again, and again.

DVDs for 1 Dollar

Criticker Lists – Favorite Winter Olympic Event

As a kid, I loved the Winter Olympics, but its hold on my interest has completely evaporated as I’ve grown older. The events are boring and the sappy, over-emotional coverage makes me want to puke.

But I still find myself reading the news and experiencing a small jolt of patriotic pride when, say, Bode Miller wins the gold. Criticker user Blair is helping us get in the spirit with a list which allows you to choose your Favorite Winter Olympic Event.

Check it out, and if you like the list make sure and give it a star! The Olympics finishes up on Sunday… giving us a few months before we start getting excited for the World Cup.

Criticker Lists – Dead Directors

When we introduced Lists, we understood that our users would come up with crazy, interesting ideas. But never in a million years would have we been able to guess that one of the lists would be called… [deep breath]:

If These Dead Directors Were Brought Back To Life To Make One More Movie To Be Viewed For A Limited Time, Which Director’s Film Would You Most Likely Pay $500 To See?

Haha! Leave it to LordOfDance to produce another exceedingly clever list. The title really says it all. Hitchcock, Tarkovsky, Bergman, Kubrick … pick your favorites and see how the community at large voted.

Go to the Dead Directors List