Ator, the Fighting Eagle

The first words out of the mouth of our protagonist: "Hey sister of mine, why can't we get married?". Then they do, but before it can be consummated she gets kidnapped and we follow Vacantexpression Beefcakeman on his noble quest to get her back so they can finall-HUAAGHHH oh god I threw up again I'm so sorry.

You know if you say Temple of the Spider one more time I still won’t be able to forget that Ator wanted to marry his sister and then seemed kinda bummed when he learned they weren’t blood related *Barthalens vomit hits me right in the mouth*

in this prequel to spinal tap, we get to know the exploits of ator, the great hero who sports a perm-mullet and the shabbiest drunk-tattoo ever, believes and does everything he's told and blindly walks into every single trap (even those not laid for him). he does all this in pursuit to impregnate his sister, as obviously is family tradition. sadly, all this isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds. i'll be damned if that little bear cub isn't the coolest, though.

Joe D'Amato's Italian "Conan the Barbarian"(1982) rip-off is nothing more than a boring, cheap, "sword and sorcery" failure. Miles O'Keeffe stars as the titular oiled up muscly man forced on a quest to save his sister/wife from evil. Unfortunately, O'Keeffe is a charismatic void, and the character Ator, is an idiot constantly getting bailed out of danger. However, by far, the real star of the movie is the awesomely adorable, bear cub sidekick named "Keeyog".

Glamrock incest, gorgeous wigs, shitty fights, giant spider and a cutie bear. It's glorious, what's not to love?

If you love watching people wander slowly through shots with no sense of blocking, then boy howdy is this the movie for you. The occasional neat design choice and a cute bear can't save this. And miss me with that "I'm adopted so it's okay for me to marry my sister" shit.

There's a vague outline of an entertaining movie here, with some neat fantasy-ish details and some good color and design, but it's not really filled out; there's just an emptiness in the middle. (Not to mention the weird, unnecessary sister-wife thing, and the fact that all the villains are black.)

Hoo boy. I had the misfortune of seeing this twice. Once on its own, and once on MST3K. Enough laughs at its expense to give it as high as a 15/100.

Cheeeeese. Love the baby bear sidekick.

extra points for a cute little bear and a dumb hunk, two of my very favorite things

Some cool sets. It's probably good for its budget but they really skimped on the casting. Theres like 10 guys in the spider army.

All these points are for the cute bear.

Low-grade Italian _Conan the Barbarian_ clone with hard-bodied nonactor O'Keeffe as the titular hero. Comatose sword-and-sorcery wannabe followed by an equally lame sequel, _Blade Master_.

I still kind of liked it

It's bad enough that it's easy to make fun of. Why did they think marrying the sister was a good idea? MST3K: 70

With just a few changes in the script and the rating, this could have been a really good Groo The Wanderer adaptation. Sadly, Ator has neither Groo's brains nor his bloodthirst.

mst3k: 7/10