Barney's Great Adventure

Fun fact: In ancient Sumerian legend, Barney was a vengeance god who escorted disobedient children to the underworld, where he feasted on their flesh for eternity.

Obviously directed towards the wee-ones: the kaleidoscopic color scheme that would give Andy Warhol morning glory, the theme park-like production design, and an absurd story that borders on the insulting. However, the film's unrelenting enthusiasm made it impossible to truly despise, especially with the likes of characters such as BJ and Baby Gandalf (don't ask...).

Barney chases a fucking egg.

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The good: horse wearing a hat, BJ, baby Gandalf. The bad: horse wearing a hat, kids singing, kids acting, kids dancing, kids, purple dinosaur, other dinosaur, Barney's annoying voice. But it does get 2 bonus points for the fact that there's a black man in Barney's suit.

A huge purple dinosaur whose unwavering friendliness makes me feel uneasy. Who else but Barney? The totemic symbol of all that is wrong with capitalism and the cynical marketing of goods to children. In a scene of self-realisation, Cody tries to convince their grandparents that Barney is real, he says "I saw him! He was big!" Grandfather looks wistfully into the sky and muses: "Oh sure he's big now, but just you wait - these fads come and go." How right you were, Grandpa. How right you were.