Dracula 3D

Inept on a level few filmmakers can even conceive of, let alone pull off. How Argento could go from my beloved Suspiria to this turd is a mystery for the ages. Alternate review: giant preying mantis wtf

The castle scenes look like they're filmed in a crappy museum. The lighting is so inept you'll think you're watching a stage play. The 'special' effects will give you shitty 90's gaming flashbacks. The pacing is so horrid you'll wonder if you're caught in a temporal cul-de-sac. The acting is so hammy it's definitely not kosher. Asia Argento's nudity was asked for by no-one, yet was provided nonetheless. And the mummy they got to play Hauer barely looks like Haue- oh, that was really him. Ok.

In the age of "purposefully" ironically-bad movies, Argento shows you how it's done with a genuinely terrible movie. Points for respectability.

(Viewed on 23/09/13): Argento's collaborators during his golden years must have played a much bigger role in his artistic success than we had previously thought. Argento was never much of a story teller, but his visuals were grand and intoxicating in the 70's and early 80's, and he was a master at creating and sustaining a uniquely baroque horror atmosphere that was entirely his own. Dracula 3D, on the other hand, resembles the work of Uwe Boll.

Badly done on every level. I'm not sure why this movie exists.

Probably the worst film of Argento's career and that's really saying something. He doesn't have anything new to add. Instead, he's remaking Coppola's Dracula with insufficent budget which results in removal of vital parts of the story and some really bad CGI. Kretschmann doesn't have any charisma in the role and Hauer looks bored. Hard to believe that this is the same director who made Suspiria and Profondo Rosso back in the day.

mas só eu amei esse filme, gente?

the only interesting parts where seeing what of the original novel was being used and what was being modified. Otherwise, a lot of it sucked badly

It's a cross between Herzog's Nosferatu, Coppola's Dracula and a SyFy Channel movie of the week; the only thing it compares favorably out of that mix is against SyFy. The worst thing about this is that it could have been better. Argento had the raw material available to make a decent film here as there's quite a few good choices and competent execution. Unfortunately there's just too many wrong choices or poor executions. It held my attention for one sitting but past that I can't recommend.

28.000

Definitely the most overlit and theremin-heavy version of Dracula.

A mix of a period piece, Animal Planet, late-night Cinemax, Argento, and so much more. To add to the spaghetti thrown on the wall I put on glasses to watch it in 3d. Was the oversized mantis where this movie went wrong or right?