Firewalker

Firewalker is the sad tale of John Rhys-Davies─a lonely man who just wants to take over the world with his band of jungle guerrillas. But he won't because Chuck Norris stole his only Subaru and drove it into a river. The End. There may or may not have been firewalking in the movie, but even if there was, I still don't believe Subaru-less John Rhys-Davies would be any closer to taking over the world.

Anything we watched in the late 80's and early 90's had a weird, career-inspiring effect on my older brother. For example, after seeing "Backdraft", he wanted to become a fireman. So, naturally, after renting "Firewalker", he wanted me to join him as a world-traveling adventurer, grow a tough-looking mustache and find treasure. Eventually, he would either become distracted by something new or discover some flaw in the plan. In this case, it was when he realized I could not change ethnicities.

You're really faced with two important questions: 1. Is it racist to watch a movie where Chuck Norris kicks all kinds of butt and somehow never once lays a hand (fist) on a white person? 2. Is it racist to figure out that the "red cyclops" is a Native American with an eyepatch and not immediately turn the film off? The answer to #1 is no because of The Way of the Dragon. I hope #2 isn't because I'm guilty of that one.

Chuck Norris' character in this movie is the antithesis to everything Indiana Jones. He is terrible at using a gun so he kicks everybody. He isn't afraid of snakes but he is a bad swimmer. He isn't the least bit likable. He isn't handsome. He isn't funny. Basically what I'm trying to say is that this movie is pretty terrible. There were some exciting moments in the movie but it wasn't worth an afternoon. Norris and Gossett Jr. are terrible. John Rhys-Davies the best part of this movie.

An ugly mess that's all over the place

I'm sure I saw this back in the 80's, but I didn't remember it. After a rewatch, i'm not as harsh as the critics on this at all. Though it's not great for sure, it's good clean fun. An old-fashioned treasure hunting adventure/buddy movie.

CHUCK NORRIS! LOUIS GOSSETT JR! IN ONE MOVIE! Yeah, that was me at age 12 when I discovered this movie on video. It hasn't aged well, but if you like those two actors in the least, go rent this one. If you don't like 'em, stay away. I last watched this movie about a year ago, and while it doesn't hold up, it kept me entertained enough to watch the whole thing.

This would have worked a lot better had the movie featured more banter between the two leads. Poor Sonny Landham is barely featured in this movie at all. I think a sequel in the hands of a director not at the end of his career would have been a good idea. Oh well. I still enjoyed Firewalker anyways.

An Indiana Jones rip off starring Chuck Norris and Louis Gosset Jr directed by J. Lee Thompson should be way better than this. Unfortunately it's painfully unfunny, has a thrown together plot which plods along and the action comes down to Chuck kicking some guys that stand still. Only the chemistry between Norris and Gosset make this still slightly wachtable.

Native Americans, Mexicans and Chinese through the eyes of Chuck Norris. I think you know what to expect. And this could easily be a stoner comedy because the protagonists are the most stupid dipshits I've encountered in a very long time.

watchable

Firewalker is what you would expect in a Golum-Globus production. It's completely cheesy, and the acting isn't good, to say it politely. However, even with all the flaws in this film, it's still fun to see Chuck and Lou doing what they do. You can also look to see performances by Will Sampson (of Poltergeist II fame), and former porn star Sonny Landham (from Predator) as the villain. All in all, this isn't a bad film to waste a Saturday afternoon on.