Jupiter Ascending

Cinderella by way of Dune, Jupiter Ascending is the silly daydream of a 12 year old girl mixed with the silly daydream of a 14 year old boy. One of those fake movie trailers that you see in comedies like Tropic Thunder but now as an actual feature film. Surprisingly, at times I kinda.. enjoyed this. Yeah, I'm disappointed in me too. Must be the almost gleeful embracing of its own silly premise and just rolling with it, mixed with cool designs and a setting with some potential.

Some of the acting is passable, and the visual effects and action are pretty superb at times. Unfortunately, this feels very rushed. There is a lot of story cramed into a two hour movie. I actually got confused for awhile because the movie just doesn't let what just happened sink in with you before hurrying to the next scene. The love story isn't convincing at all and I don't think Kunis was a very good lead. It's ambitious and pretty, but that's about it.

This is no 'The Matrix'. Not even close. If anything, it's the next 'John Carter'. The story is a derivative mess, and the bland turns from Kunis and Tatum are as boring as the ugly action scenes. A dud, albeit a just about watchable one.

Does for inheritance law what "The Phantom Menace" did for free trade agreements. Right down to the pod race.

I have a soft spot for this pointy-eared batshit space opera Thumbelina featuring galactic fallen angels, Freudian reincarnation and Eddie Redmayne shouting evil deeds like a boomer chain smoker whispering sweet nothings through a floor fan. It's so focused on world-building it doesn't realize everything looks and sounds like garbage. It's also a near-perfect fairy tale masquerading inside a young adult dime novella and that's it's own kind of impressive.