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Machete
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Machete

2010
Drama, Suspense/Thriller
1h 45m
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Avg Percentile 41.82% from 3583 total ratings

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(3582)
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Rated 08 Sep 2010
80
85th
I heard this movie described as "the next Shawshank Redemption." I may have been the one who said that, but it doesn't make it any less true. Even though it's not true. Regardless of how true the first statement is, this is one bad ass movie.
Rated 04 Sep 2010
4
35th
Some pretty funny moments but it has some really bad pacing issues for an action film. About what I expected it to be but it still wasn't that great. The political undertones were so dumb and pretty much any scene without Trejo or Seagal felt like a waste of time. The great opening scene can't match the rest of the film, sadly.
Rated 22 Oct 2010
30
10th
Some people are effortlessly cool. Steven Seagal isn't one of them. Jeff Fahey is. Some movies are so bad they're good. Some directors try to emulate this and succeed. Rodriguez doesn't. To his credit, he does know how to shoot chicks. His film starts out being moderately fun, quickly growing progressively more terrible. The last act is genuinely horrible. Also points off for the pronunciations of Machete.
Rated 09 Sep 2010
1
8th
What the hell happened? I loved Grindhouse/The El Mariachi trilogy yet Rodriguez here just gives the viewer a joyless incoherent film. It was boring, unfunny and poor in every aspect. B movies with their cheesy editing and dialogue should be entertaining, this was just dreadful to sit through. Even the action sequences felt unimaginative and pathetic. Political theme was distracting to the extent of nausea and not one actor was fun to watch. Fuck this garbage.
Rated 04 Sep 2010
86
89th
YES. I've been waiting for this since the fake trailer in '07, and I was not disappointed. More solid Grindhouse fun from Rodriguez à la Planet Terror.
Rated 14 Nov 2010
6
55th
"Blood of Christ. Tastes like merlot to me." Way, way, way over the top exploitation spoof that picks up, where "Planet Terror" left off with gallons of fake blood, bad one-liners, hot women and a ridiculously contrived plot involving Lindsay Lohan waking up drugged and dressing up like a nun, De Niro being electrocuted by a fence, nurses going postal with uzis - and a bunch of other stuff. It's pure escapism littered with references. Also: Intestine-jumping! It's the new craze. Mark my words.
Rated 05 Sep 2010
95
96th
One of the most "fun" movies you will ever watch. Everything about it was perfect. Its a great throwback. The only people who wouldn't like this film are racist conservatives who are mad that it makes a mockery of the hate speech they spew on a daily basis.
Rated 27 Sep 2010
88
70th
Machete is the most brutal and gory grindhouse release . But Machete is more, it's full of innuendos and cynical moments. (De Niro as a racist Senator who steals a taxi-cab ?!?) Everyone who was waiting for this since Rodriguez fake trailer will be pleased after this release i think. Trejo makes a very good job and all the other actors are good, too ( Don Johnson is my favorite). So what's next? YEAH, Werewolf women of the SS!!!!
Rated 04 Sep 2010
50
21st
Boobies woooo, the middle act felt weird and draggggggggggggggged. They could've done so much more with this premise to make it even more ridiculous, you have Steven Seagal for fudge sakes, but they spent a lot of time on a "whatever" revolution race plot.
Rated 08 Dec 2010
76
47th
Makes no qualms about being over the top and having an inconsistent quality but it still works rather well for the most part.
Rated 13 Sep 2010
75
65th
This shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S and I love it. Funny, action packed and I can't stress this enough, fun. See this Quentin? This is what Grindhouse should have been, this and a polished up Planet Terror.
Rated 10 Oct 2013
76
43rd
The character of Machete is delightfully badass - killing anything that moves, surviving all sorts of wounds and bedding all the hottest babes. And all the while he looks as ugly as Danny Trejo (the film's greatest in-joke). Rodriguez's imagined world is shambolic and patchy - as is his directing - but the contract he makes is that if you will overlook a bit of stupidity, he will deliver where it counts - in big guns, knives and scantily-clad women. It's frequently silly but it does have heart.
Rated 05 Sep 2010
53
15th
More like "Meh....Shitty" - This movie only reinforces: the fact that Alba is a shit actress (every time she spoke, especially any Spanish, the audience giggled); DeNiro must have owed someone a big favor; Seagal doesn't make many films any more for a reason; Lohan is a waste of space - even if all she's there for is to show some booby; and Robert Rodriguez needs to stick to filming OTHER PEOPLE'S material. True, it has its moments, but they are few and far, far between.....
Rated 10 Oct 2010
79
77th
Good-natured sleazy action-fun-happy-time. The movie does slow down in spots, but then completely redeems itself again with the kind of over-the-top action you rarely see nowadays. Fun how the movie has 5 different major villains. Great cast, hot women, hilarious improvised weaponry, and more manly than an explosion in a chest-hair factory.
Rated 02 Feb 2013
40
26th
Now I know what Lindsay Lohan looks like.
Rated 18 Mar 2011
65
58th
A wonderful mess, like most of Rodriguez's movies, and like most of them, the weakest part of Machete is the script (here at an all time low - even for a Grindhouse-spoof). But fuck that! It has Trejo in the lead, blood 'n guts splattering, Lohan without clothes on and Steven Seagal delivering the least convincing death-scene ever. Stupid and incoherent but highly enjoyable.
Rated 31 Mar 2011
72
46th
slidercc's review of this movie was TERRIBLE. and Don Johnson played a great American other then that it was an ok movie.
Rated 17 Sep 2010
1
4th
I just wanted it to end.
Rated 23 Sep 2010
84
83rd
I was a bit disappointed in the script, but otherwise Rodriguez delivers exactly what the faux-trailer promised. Girls, guns and gore.
Rated 11 Oct 2010
43
17th
Machete don't fun.
Rated 26 Apr 2011
75
86th
I guess they messed with the wrong Mexican.
Rated 30 Sep 2010
85
88th
Or you will hate or love it. I liked the style of the movie, like a movie 70 years, with preposterous action scenes, heads and hands being chopped off and the blood spurting. In fact, sometimes exaggerates in the absurds, could be more serious, or not, maybe this it that let the movie so cool.
Rated 03 Oct 2010
65
47th
Rodriguez tried to make a Tarantino movie... it failed... the movie in general is 'so so'
Rated 03 Sep 2012
78
66th
considering that rodriguez made this from a random joke trailer he made i'd say job well done. it's not like people go to grindhouse movies for strong stories and tight dialog, but this sure has what we were looking for: a guy repelling down a building using someone's intestines as a rope.
Rated 09 Sep 2012
20
8th
Awesomely good cast with an extremely stupid story. Exceedingly unrealistic fight scenes. Inane gun battles. Lousy special effects. Nonsensical script. This movie is a complete and total farce. If you like parody movies that insult your intelligence then you might like this movie, but there are so many roll-your-eyes moments that I found the movie extremely hard to enjoy. Few movies have had so much talent wasted so badly. A few good one liners and some clever ideas, but otherwise awful.
Rated 29 Sep 2010
70
29th
Somehow my expectations were higher, but it was fun anyway.
Rated 03 Jan 2011
85
68th
By far the most fun I've had watching a movie this year. Such a ridiculously over-the-top gorefest with Danny Trejo in his first starring role, this is the movie that should've been in Grindhouse.
Rated 10 Jan 2011
40
25th
A visually well-made pastiche that can't produce a though of it's own, and inevitably drowns under the pathetic social criticism.
Rated 08 Sep 2010
54
24th
Wildly uneven tone, brutal violence, a fair amount of tits. A fun enough ride, I suppose. Sidenote: All the blood effects in this movie are CG and look like shit, why can't people use squibs anymore?
Rated 19 Sep 2010
3
31st
While it seems to have a problem telegraphing all of it's movements (obvious camera focuses to weaponry to be used in the next scene), most of Machete is so gruesomely over the top and gory that you can't help but laugh.
Rated 02 Oct 2010
50
37th
Well... Machete is cool, he's mean and he's a killing machine... Thumbs up for the style, and that this movie actually got made from being just a trailer in another movie. But personally I'm not in to the whole bloodorgy kind of movies. It just doesn't give me a hard on!. And the story, even though it is probably on purpose, stinks! Would give it 35, but the last 15 goes out to Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan ;-)
Rated 23 Nov 2010
49
46th
I liked how Michelle Rodriguez really broke away from type.
Rated 02 Oct 2010
60
38th
Machete worked swimmingly as a trailer because it never lost any steam. However when the gag of the over-the-top blade-wielding Mexican renegade runs out the movie drags. Really the first 5 minutes or so of this movie are stupendous. Then there's a hour long lull before it finally picks up again during the finale.
Rated 20 Dec 2010
2
0th
1 point per pretty girl and 1 point for the Hungarian, nothing else was in it.
Rated 08 Sep 2010
68
56th
Delivers the exact kind of schlocky fun I'd hoped for from The Expendables and failed to receive. Having said that, the movie is almost too self-aware for its own good. It's over-the-top and campy, but Rodriguez goes too far to show he's in on the joke. The performances, particularly those from Trejo, Fahey, Seagal and Savini, are awesomely funny and kick-ass. Literally an expanded trailer, the spliced-in trailer footage only highlights how visually cheap and lacklustre the finished film is.
Rated 20 Dec 2010
60
41st
Compare it to the trailer and it doesn't really seem like it adds value to the 'Machete' concept. Yes, it has some gorgeous shots, but they are all in the trailer. All of them. What the trailer didn't give away, however was how awful Steven Seagal was. One of the worst antagonists in moviemaking history. It's as messy as 'Once upon in time Mexico' but it does still have a number of good scenes. It just has more 'meh' ones. Bottomline: watch the trailer instead (...and wait for 'Machete Kills'?).
Rated 27 Sep 2010
52
11th
Unofficial trailer was awesome, cast is impressive, rest totally misses out on what could've been great fun. Steven Seagal is even the most impressive piece of acting, go figure.
Rated 17 Sep 2011
80
89th
I had a really good time with Machete. It was just too much pure fun to let its political ideas get in the way of how much fun it is. This is a b-movie, an exploitation film, and it's a very good one. It has bad actors, terrible editing and over-the-top action scenes, but it's for these reasons that it's so enjoyable. If it wasn't, then it would easily be a boring watch. But since it's made with such skill, and all of this was intentional, but fun, I had a great time watching Machete.
Rated 20 Nov 2010
20
41st
"Robert Rodriguez loves exploitation cinema but his homages to the disreputable genre are defined by italicized self-consciousness that leaves his humor without any room to breathe." - Nick Schager
Rated 02 Apr 2012
72
65th
Yes it's extremely dumb, yes it's extremely stupid and yes it looks (intentionally) cheap, but I had loads of fun watching it. I've experienced many 'man-tranformations' while watching some movies, but never as rapidly during Machete. My beard was over a foot long, and during that end battle, when Trejo is riding a bike, and get's launched away by an explosion, while shooting people with his bike, it grew another mile
Rated 13 Oct 2010
35
19th
Trejo ftw. Artifacts that cut it short: Rodriguez is still shooting Grindhouse, but bad film look comes in and out as he pleases (contrary to P.Terror), budgetary limitations show, stunts never get to fly high, unnecessary chatter dampens the momentum.
Rated 06 Sep 2010
48
35th
Disreputable by design, it hits all the required bullet points, and counts on the audience's enthusiasm to make them stick.
Rated 26 Nov 2011
40
26th
When did saying "It's a Robert Rodriguez film" become a paraphrase of "Don't bother"? He continues his transition from filmmaker to film student with another well-observed, intentionally-crappy throwback that seems almost wilfully ignorant of the fact such tripe was originally down to severe budget contraints and lack of talent, rather than some smug writer/director winking at the camera for 100 minutes. An expensive replica that isn't funny enough to be a parody, yet adds nothing to the genre.
Rated 05 Sep 2010
68
51st
I really wanted to give this something in the mid 70s (or even low 80s), but damn was it about 30 minutes too long. For the first hour or so the movie was hilarious and fun, but it just got bogged down in the last 20-30 minutes with all of the loose ends to tie up. The good? Trejo, Seagal (he really was unironically great), Fahey, Deniro, and Marin. The bad? Alba's speech, too much Michelle Rodriguez (not bad in the beginning though), and Lindsay Lohan is godawful (even when she's kidding)
Rated 23 Jul 2011
54
28th
I appreciate Rodriguez; but the more time passes, the sillier plot gets!
Rated 17 Sep 2011
79
85th
Whilst still thoroughly entertaining throughout, it never reaches the high standards set by the first ten minutes (except maybe the hospital scene, which is quite possibly the most awesome scene ever filmed). Danny Trejo was long overdue for a starring role and the cast is near perfect but Tom Savini could have used a lot more screen time.
Rated 23 Oct 2010
0
0th
One of the worst movies I've ever seen. I kinda liked Jessica Alba, but, no revolution for me, thank you.
Rated 10 Mar 2011
30
17th
Great opening scene - whish they had gone with more of that kind of stuff. When you get seriously bored watching stuff like this, and start wondering what your're gonna do for dinner the next day, you know you are wasting valuable seconds of your life.
Rated 07 Nov 2010
35
19th
Oh well, so much for expecting 'Movie of the Year'... The Machete-trailer was Grindhouse's most memorable part by far, but as a feature piece it loses its coolness at the same speed as the Matrix sequels. Hot chicks though - and that Don Johnson kid got talent.
Rated 14 Sep 2010
55
53rd
For the first half of the movie I was excited waiting for something completely over the top and awesome to happen; it never did. I realize this was supposed to be a "bad" movie but it was bad even as far as bad movies go. There were too many characters, not enough exciting moments and the end was just awful. Machete didn't have the epic-ness of Sin City, the cheesyness of Planet Terror nor the hilarity of Dusk Til Dawn. I was stoked for three years but Rodriguez really let me down on this one.
Rated 12 Oct 2010
90
67th
Yes, it's a cheesefest, yes, it's exploitation, yes, it's got gorgeous women defying gravity by running around in high heels and dubiously falling for the ugly guy... but it's so DAMN entertaining.
Rated 05 Feb 2011
35
38th
#11#, popcorn, hype, story, (dir/writer Rodriguez), (casting)
Rated 30 Oct 2010
75
77th
Priest, priestess, nurses were cool, jumping cars were also cool but both the Machete&Torrez and Luz&Van encounters lacked the intensity I was expecting. All in all the movie serves its purpose tho I guess. Cheap and fun.
Rated 05 Dec 2010
71
54th
Any movie STARRING Danny Trejo is going to be awesome. It's over-the-top. It doesn't make a lot of sense. It has tits, violence, action, blood, and bad jokes. It's a solid comedy film, and a passable action movie. Best watched with the guys over a few beers.
Rated 22 Sep 2010
67
31st
Occasionally great fun, but much too self-aware. The satire is strictly 101 level and never aspires to more. Some characters and entire scenes are entirely useless and seem like they were filmed for the benefit of the trailer. It spends more time reinforcing stereotypes than it does breaking them down, sadly.
Rated 31 Oct 2010
95
97th
Well, this might become a cult movie. This is a tibute to 80s, B movies and "Old school." And remember - "Machete don't text"
Rated 15 Dec 2010
39
10th
where is the Planet Terror's funny world?...
Rated 15 Sep 2010
70
63rd
I dunno, I really wanted to like this a lot more. It was fun, had gratuitous violence and gore, Danny Trejo is undeniably badass...but it just wasn't crazy enough. The whole movie needed to be more like the first 5 minutes. This was still a pretty good action flick, but a slight letdown from how awesome it could have been. Michelle Rodriguez is so fine, she really needed to get naked though.
Rated 13 Oct 2010
48
9th
I never took this movie seriously from the start. For most part I was laughing throughout the whole film just on the stupidity of it. For those who watch it. Don't take it seriously, secondly watching it with a girlfriend or wife is a big no.
Rated 13 Jan 2011
66
51st
Terrible film but hey it's supposed to be. From something that started as a fake trailer for the Grindhouse films it was better than I thought, and refuses to take itself seriously.
Rated 03 Feb 2012
38
13th
Pacing issues, this could be condensed into a 30 minute 80's telemundo show. Too much focus on aliens, Mexicans, immigrants and borders. Rodriguez must be one suave fucker though.
Rated 06 Oct 2010
78
62nd
Gore, babes and cheese - everything, and only thing, the movie has!
Rated 23 Nov 2010
75
56th
REVIEW TO DO
Rated 03 Dec 2010
95
98th
Silly, cheesey and self aware, this film sets out to be awesome and it achieves it. Don't expect anything deep, meaningful or clever from this film. It doesn't have it and it doesn't need it. You either "get it" or you don't and for those that do, this is the pinnacle or over the top cheese, rivalled only by Bayonetta.
Rated 15 Jul 2011
68
27th
68.000
Rated 12 Apr 2012
60
35th
Great fun, and after a strong start, I thought I was in for a treat, but it slowly went downhill. There's only so much tongue in cheek I can take before it grates on me, and not even the last action scene can make up for that. A few other issues and plot holes throughout, so it doesn't surpass an average solid action film for me.
Rated 08 Sep 2010
90
96th
Vintage Rodriguez and ridiculously fun. Danny Trejo has no business being a leading man, but hey, why not? As the body count keeps rising, the level of pure fun increases.
Rated 19 Mar 2014
5
9th
Comedy
Rated 05 Dec 2010
2
33rd
Moves along at a rapid clip and held my attention until the sloppy, muddled finale. I wanted it to end so badly, but it JUST KEPT COMING.
Rated 28 Jun 2012
61
27th
Rob Rod's wet dream that we all made possible by praising the Grindhouse trailer. Still, if you like boobs, blood, and ridiculous-ness, saddle up.
Rated 04 Jun 2011
8
76th
Robert Rodriguez really knows how to entertain.
Rated 01 Oct 2010
86
39th
nice
Rated 04 Nov 2010
33
44th
The best parts were with Jessica Alba or the She unfortunately Machete's character was over done, but the real thing that ruined the film is the end fight scene which started as a fist fight and some how degraded to a gun fight with a lot of vehicles running over people? The editing was hideous and looked like a fight in a student film.
Rated 26 Dec 2010
80
73rd
fun action popcorn flick. I thought it delivered.
Rated 12 Feb 2011
47
22nd
Don Johnson and Cheech Marin are fine, besides that - and the intestine jumping scene - there's almost nothing redeemable about this film. Though I approve of the political agenda the directing is terrible, the one-liners and dialogues forgettable, Tom Savini's role pretty much non-existant... Not a quality entertainment.
Rated 07 Mar 2011
75
45th
Entirely too serious for its own good, Rodriguez really can't make up his mind if he's making a pulp action movie or a political commentary and winds up somewhere in the middle. The best parts actually have to do with Machete interacting with the hired goons. Also, Lohan's tits.
Rated 15 Sep 2010
69
26th
Classic Robert Rodriguez
Rated 09 Oct 2010
96
98th
Holy shit,. this film was beyond awesome.
Rated 13 Oct 2013
3
24th
Likes: Humorous satire, fun gore, Danny Trejo, Lindsay Lohan playing rich white trash, Robert De Niro as some anti-immigration jackass. Dislikes: Overlong, Jessica Alba, Japan does this better, formulaic, and not as ridiculous as it should have been. Too much melodrama. Overall: Since I'm 1) a pinko-commie that supports total amnesty and 2) violent by nature, I was on board with the stupid yet good-natured plot, but my conscience can't give this much of a score.
Rated 01 Oct 2010
63
61st
Pretty funny... although at some points I wasn't sure if it was being just a little bit serious? Perhaps I'm not familiar enough with the US immigration debate to fully appreciate the subtleties of this one, but enjoyable nonetheless. Definitely not at the level of Black Dynamite though. Probably Steven Seagall's best movie ever
Rated 09 Mar 2011
70
69th
Machete don't rank!
Rated 07 Feb 2011
30
12th
Being a fan of the gritty exploitation films of the 70s, I wanted desperately to like Machete. The trailer was the highlight of seeing Grindhouse in theaters and the premise seemed workable, but the feature length rendition is an uninspired afterthought. Rather than having the faux-amatuer charm of a similar film like Black Dynamite, Machete just seems cheap and rushed.
Rated 14 Apr 2011
85
44th
with lines like....."yeah, well this cucaracha's got ak-47's and..."in the name of my father, uh.......i forgot the rest" and plenty of hysterical over the top action i can't help but recommend this one. con mucho gusto!..
Rated 24 Apr 2011
73
39th
funny
Rated 09 Sep 2010
72
57th
Audiences expecting a hardcore revenge movie will be disappointed. This is cheeseball filmmaking in the best sense. Trejo slices and dices through bad guys in a cartoonish bloodbath movie with campy performances and no shortage of gore, nudity, and over-the-top violence reminiscent of 'Shoot Em Up.' In many ways this is what 'Expendables' should have been. Dir. Rodriguez knows how to entertain, even if he makes the film too much of a parody. Note: Seagal's big scene is hilarious and too short.
Rated 11 Sep 2010
78
77th
what a movie! can you get any more over the top? this was planet terror on speed. if you liked that one, your gonna love this one. and finally Trejo gets a lead role. it only took about 180 movies.
Rated 26 Sep 2010
75
55th
Haha,fun movie to watch on saturday with a bag of popcorns. "Machete don't text" :DD
Rated 17 Oct 2010
90
84th
Holy beejsus, this was a thrill ride if ever there was. I can't believe how much fun I had. Rodriguez y crew knew EXACTLY what they were doing and did it with such style and humor, it was impossible to not be entertained.
Rated 25 Dec 2010
75
73rd
After Planet Terror and its trailer one would expect more from this.
Rated 24 Mar 2011
62
64th
'Machete don't text. Machete brings evidence'. Awesomest one-liners since Black Dynamite. It's not up with Grindhouse flicks because Rodriguez seems to have a smaller scope and probably less money to work with. If you're a guy there's a good chance you'll enjoy this film. Open a bottle a beer, roll a joint, sitback, relax and enjoy.
Rated 25 Jan 2015
92
95th
So, so good.
Rated 17 Jan 2011
70
64th
7- recommended, good
Rated 08 Sep 2010
80
67th
It was a fun time. I don't know why it's not getting much love on here. I thought it was quite hilarious though I can see what some are saying when they say it drags at times, but it's pretty minimal.
Rated 21 Oct 2013
71
30th
Its sequel outpaces it, but it's still glorious, insane fun.
Rated 21 Dec 2014
78
85th
A well made trash movie made with the purpose to be a like-B-Movie trash movie. A complicated sentence, i know. But the strength of this film is not in the pure fun action scenes, or in the parody scenes of a typical action B-movie, but in the perfect mix of these two components - parody and action - in every scene. C'mon, you cannot take it seriously, enjoy it or Machete will not be happy.
Rated 31 Jan 2011
72
63rd
The script and action is just one big mess.. And I think not that many people even care. I don't. This film is one big pile of women, raw (hilarious) action and all these Mexican, 80's, B-film things mingled together. Actually, al the things you're promised when watching the trailer. Nice!
Rated 05 Dec 2011
78
64th
A consistently hilarious and watchable joyride, far better than most "serious" action flicks.
Rated 23 Jun 2012
68
55th
Exploitation that doesn't really feel like exploitation. I'm not complaining about a movie with Jeff Fahey AND Don Johnson, but Black Dynamite and Hobo With a Shotgun were better.
Rated 26 Oct 2012
80
84th
* Casting, Acting : 9 * Script : 7 * Directing, Aura : 8 * Ease of Viewing : 9 * Naked Eye : 7
Rated 29 Jan 2013
83
66th
This is one Mexican you don't want to mess with! So, with that said. I will say nothing bad about this movie just for my personal safety. I will say that this movie had some very good bloody action, a great cast, and cute grindhouse girls galore! The movie does start at a slow rate and builds into some bloody awesomeness. De Niro was pretty awesome in this and I loved Lindsay Lohan's part in the film as it pretty much portrays her real life. Trejo is always awesome and Rodriguez is just hot.

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