Rambo

*mumble* Hi, I'm John Rambo and I'll be your tour guide. On this trip we'll see some non-white people eviscerated, limbs amputated and skulls evacuated by a surgical hail of bullets. Also, rifle bullets will launch people 15 ft. During the tour I may stare blankly into space for minutes at a time, but don't worry I won't be thinking. Some locals will be brutalised, but no raping of white women, that's just naughty. So sit back, relax as we crack open some people-shaped tomato soup cans */mumble*

Keep your brain firmly in "HELL YEAH!" mode and you'll have a good time.

I don't think you guys understand. The whole opening is meant to let us know that Rambo doesn't like violence. He doesn't like it! This is basically like Straw Dogs if Dustin Hoffman had used the bear trap on an intruders head and their eyeball had popped out and flown directly into Susan George's mouth à la Evil Dead 2. So basically, way better than the actual Straw Dogs remake.

False advertising. Missions trips were nothing like this we usually just put shingles on a roof and held old ladies' hands while making sure the well water had the right ph balance. Here it's just a constant threat of kids getting bayonetted and gang rape and running on land mines as proxy for a godless universe. I was reminded of a line from First Blood: "God didn't make Rambo, I made him!" and here Rambo saves God. I guess that's poetry, in a Rambo kind of way.

This is a gory, dark, sharp-edged action flick that will leave you speechless. Most of the film consists of insane gory executions and guts splattering everywhere. Some nice explosions too, but the plot and dialogue are pretty weak. Just turn your mind off for about 80 minutes and enjoy.