Ted (2012)

Stars	User	Rating
17	mwgerb	40 _28th
The joke distribution is about 50% "Haha, I get that reference", 20% fart jokes, 10% racism, 5% gross out humor, 3% slapstick, 2% gay jokes, and about 10% that I actually found funny. All of which, unlike on Family Guy, are woven into a coherent plot, albeit a predictable and completely formulaic one. This comedy sometimes works, but the humor and plot are just lazy, and that prevents this from ever being anything more than mediocre.
5	Judge Holden	2 _15th
I went into this with low expectations, as I hate Seth MacFarlane and all of his abortions masquerading as TV shows, and it turned out to be even worse than I imagined. Anyway, some of the jokes work but really this is just boring - a treacly, infantile premise mixed with filthy but stale jokes. How fucking innovative. At one point, Ted mocks Adam Sandler, but this features the same type of humor and structure as his movies. I'd actually rather watch Mel Gibson talk to a puppet.
4	KasperL	70 _65th
Could've been funnier. Could've had sharper references. Could've been tighter. Could've thought up its own plot, instead of repeating the one from last year's The Muppets. Could've been better, basically. But you know what? Ted is a character I won't forget. He (i.e. MacFarlane & the animators) and Wahlberg give the impression of chemistry and the film had me smiling - sometimes overbearingly, every so often nostalgically - at their immaturity and rooting for them to be thunder buddies for life.
4	Langelund (CinemaZone.dk)	65 _57th
Partly worth a score of 100 - and partly 0. The situational comedy between Wahlberg and Ted (highlights: the fist fight, name-dropping sluts and FLASH!) is almost as sharp and drop dead hilarious as everything else (Kunis, the kidnapping, the maturing agenda, the ending) is insulting and borderline un(teddy)bearable.
4	FrederikA	75 _77th
Starring a pot smoking, potty mouthed CGI character and riffing on Spielberg, this is closely related to last year's Paul in many ways, but the way MacFarlane utilizes his vast arsenal of low brow shenanigans camouflages the formalistic storyline, and leaves a pretty damn funny movie.
4	Paxton	50 _20th
This is a movie about a talking teddy bear that is an hour and forty-six minutes. I defy you to come up with a single reason any movie about a talking teddy bear should be longer than an hour and a half. Also, fair warning: "How You Like Me Now" does not follow every single joke.
3	Zealot185	54 _32nd
MacFarlane is finally given free reign with the R rating, and the only thing he proves is that he can only do juvenile, bigoted, or obscure-reference type humor. I still admit to laughing out loud at more than several parts, but for a film that acts superior to other contemporary Hollywood trash, it doesn't do a really great job of avoiding tropes. The kidnapping plot was pretty awful.
3	oldgoat	60 _30th
Some laughs, but pretty boring
3	doughbaron	40 _9th
A run of the mill romantic comedy interspersed with Family Guy jokes and limp suspense. The occasional funny scene is drowned out by the comedic limitations of having a main character being completely CGI.
3	bakcheia	68 _54th
Lasts for much too long and is incredibly predictable. However, I did laugh a lot, even though the movie was beyond predictable and really offers nothing new. Mark Wahlberg proves once again that he is a strong comedian. Mila Kunis is beautiful and fantastic as always. Unfortunately, too much focus is put on MacFarlane's bear and his tired brand of comedy.
2	doctor7	61 _39th
Some genuinely hilarious moments but much like the Family Guy movie (and you can be assured this is the exact same type of humour) it can't keep up the laughs for the full running time. Shame because Wahlberg has a ton of comedic talent and manages to make this at least watchable.
2	terrymac	59 _33rd
This has some charm, and has some very amusing moments. As you might expect from the creator, the humour is coarse, a bit scattershot and loaded with pop culture references. It perhaps comes off as a bit restrained, however. The net result is a fairly funny, enjoyable film which may have benefitted from being a bit sharper in terms of plotting and humour. The presence of Sam J. Jones and the Flash Gordon references generated a lot of goodwill from me. Worth seeing if you are in the mood.
2	djross	50 _43rd
The couch on which I sat while watching this is identical to the one with which Ted furnished his apartment.
2	MJVmovieMan	60 _31st
A lot of people have loved 'Ted.' I understand the love even if I can't share in it. The comedy is inspired, just as a lot of MacFarlane's 'Family Guy' jokes hit hard---but like so many others, they miss hard when they miss. This is a film that could grow on me or I could potentially like even less over the course of another viewing, but I left the film without enough standout moments to love it or even warrant another viewing. For now. This is simply an extended uncut Family Guy episode.
2	recklessmess	70 _47th
Seth MacFarlane is a thinking man's Adam Sandler. Like Sandler, he tends to dip into the same pool of talent and rely on the same fart and sex jokes, yet in a way, his stuff is slightly more intellectual, at least as intellectual as you can make scatological humor. Unlike Sandler, however, and much to his credit, he tends to avoid the low hanging fruit, and doesn't employ Rob Schneider.
2	Beer94	59 _35th
Basically an extended Family Guy episode under the guise of a rather mediocre and unoriginal plot, but it still works. Chemistry between Wahlberg and Ted and humour are pretty great, and even with the annoying characters, overly long sequences and romcom cliches, it still turns out to be an overall worthwhile feel-good film.
2	CMonster	79 _64th
The Cartoon Wars episode of South Park pretty much ruined Family Guy for me. That said I still think MacFarlane does have a pretty good funny bone when he puts it into a more structured medium than his cartoons. This took the good parts of Family Guy, added many different kinds of humor, and then threw in a plot more generic than a romcom as a template. It was very far from perfect, very very far, but I laughed consistently and at a couple times very hard deep laughs. Definitely worth it.
2	Leonardis	79 _31st
Feels just like MacFarlane's work. His fans will probably love this. I didn't laugh throughout the movie but it does have a fair amount of laughs and the performances are good.
2	Tony Irwin	43 _40th
The gags are hillariously obscene, but the movie itself is actually pretty inoffensive. There's no real anger or edge to the laughs: they never really explore the insanity that lies between men who are friends. It's charmingly absurd seeing the cgi bear running around the world, but the plot points are ripped out of every other (equally tame) summer buddy-story/rom-com that you've seen before. Wahlberg's innocent face works perfectly and I did love seeing Chicago on film and hearing its voices.
1	slidercc	85 _85th
Pretty funny, but it started to run on for too long and became less of a comedy.
1	Pickpocket	1 _12th
Pretty typical of most of Seth's work for me: too in love with itself for me to really enjoy. We get it, you think you're clever. Had way too many pointless subplots for me as well. The characters are so unlikable that when bad things happen to them no one cares. Tried hard for some dramatic tension at a certain point but failed miserably. Patrick Warburton being gay was so absurd that it actually worked
1	pilgermann	30 _7th
A few really funny bits don't make up for the rest of the dull, unfunny bits. McFarlane has made such a mediocre comedy that he should be ashamed of making fun of anyone else's films.
1	Ytadel	6 _70th
Pretty amusing, with a number of big old belly laughs that justify the ticket price. It does go into an odd half-assed thriller-esque direction in the end that kind of dilutes it, though. Never expected a 2012 film to have multiple references to Octopussy, of all movies, so props for that. Love or hate MacFarlane, I'm glad he's making movies now, because he's an actual unique and distinctive voice in the largely samey world of movie comedy.
1	timmo	50 _10th
An instantly forgettable time-waster. Basically nothing redeeming outside of being a way to spend 90 minutes you should probably spend doing something else more worthwhile.
1	martryn	67 _44th
There are some genuine comic gems in this film. It's too bad you have to watch the rest of the movie to see them. And, unfortunately, that means you'll get mired in useless and meaningless plot. Also, it's hard to forget you're not watching an episode of Family Guy.
1	Tripwyre	68 _56th
I really wanted to dislike this movie, but there are just too many big laughs to hold it in contempt. I mean, sure, the plot is pedestrian, and yes, there are a number of groaner jokes that fall completely flat. But it is funny -- it really, really is. While the film is conceptually fun, the story it tells plays things overly safe. Hopefully McFarlane goes a little more out on a limb next time. (...I like to think all the jokes I laughed at were written by Alec Sulkin. I'd be okay with that.)
1	frederic_g54	6 _35th
Much like MacFarlane's shows, it revels in self-righteous indelicacy and referential humour; It even features a ridiculous fight scene that lasts longer that it should, all of which are enough to overcome its lazy plot; If you enjoy those like myself, you'll have a good time, provided that your theater isn't overrun by a swarm of beverage-spilling, obscenity-screaming teenagers that suffer from ADHD; Shut up, you damn kids!
1	msprague	70 _61st
An almost live-action "Family Guy" episode. Fun, full of inappropriate humour, enjoyed it completely.
1	Snazz	70 _71st
Very funny and very entertaining, but unfortunately with a classic american by-the-book storyline, so no surprises there.
1	Ross	65 _64th
The film is very likable and funny. But you are left with a feeling of wasted potential. Ted is an amazing character and Wahlberg is kind of funny to. But other than the two main characters the film is nothing but predictable clichés.
1	KMcNeil	7 _70th
Get your fucking head out of your mom's ragged old cracker snatch and get me a motherfucking talking teddy bear, capiche?
1	BillyShears	80 _77th
Seth MacFarlane could make a really good Naked Gun/Airplane! movie if he wanted.
1	Luna6ix	86 _92nd
after everything that macfarlane did with family guy and american dad i would have thought that he would have come up with some kind of absolutely absurd plot. so with all the stuff that i'm used to coming from macfarlane this seemed like a completely realistic plot. I didn't have high hopes, but i laughed 'til i cried and takes a really friggin' funny movie.
1	dst7175	83 _90th
The only problem I got with this movie is mark doesn't look like no lazy weedhead to me.
1	TheRealJ-Ro	85 _84th
Gotta love the people who walked into a Seth MacFarlane movie and are using the "oh, it's too much Family Guy-like humor" as a knock against the movie. Your expectations are clearly fucked up. "Ted" is a very funny modern fairy tale whose comedy succeeds in carrying the 100-plus-minute run-time with relative ease; it didn't feel too long or too short. It's always great to see Mila. Comedies that try to add weighty emotional content often fall on their faces. Ted pulls it off. Cudos, Seth!
1	moraesfelipe	55 _43rd
It's sometimes funny not because of its weed and sex jokes -- they are all over, and they are actually bad --, but the pop remarks that make this look like MacFarlane animation/cartoon background. So, we get nice stuff about Susan Boyle, Brandon Routh and Taylor Lautner, a couple of great scenes with Sam Jones, Ribisi dancing like a pervert -- and that's it.
1	RealMacgyver	80 _78th
Not a non-stop laugh riot but there aren't really any wide of the mark misses. For the most part it's entertaining but some moments are full on belly laugh funny, which doesn't happen often. As a geek of a certain age I appreciated all the Flash love, and the plot harkens back to 80's family movies with Macfarlane style humour thrown in. Don't expect the best movie you've ever seen, but do expect decent Family Guy. Nice start for Seth live action stuff.
1	CosmicMonkey	65 _24th
I'll get a lot of flack for saying this, but I actually Seth Macfarlane's style of humour works better in the chaotic, anarchic plotting of Family Guy, than it does in the restrained reigned in manner of Ted. Still, it's a decent film with it's moments. +5 for Flash Gordon
1	Ocelot	5 _2nd
One of the worst movies ever made.
1	mfidler1	80 _71st
It was funny.
1	SirStuckey	65 _45th
It's funny, but it got trailered to death so much of the humor felt stale. It's a little too long and can be a bit mundane, but overall I enjoyed it.
1	Okkervil	47 _35th
Perfectly watchable, even if it's all very predictable and its novelty factor wears off very quickly. There are some good laughs, but most jokes will result in smirks rather than anything else, and every joke could easily sit within an episode of "The American Family Dad Show", and you can take that as a positive or a negative I guess? I'll never watch it again, but for once viewing, meh... it was amusing enough.
1	Bown	63 _16th
Not gonna lie, it's pretty fucking funny. A lot of great jokes and one-liners. But unsurprisingly, the movie in between these doesn't hold up. The cast are serviceable, but the plot is cliched as fuck and I don't think anyone will have a problem figuring out pretty much every single plot point. It's also about 20 minutes too long. The cameos and stuff are good and it's still better than most post-cancellation Family Guy, but basically only worth a rental, and even then only if you're a fan.
1	Dunder74	4 _20th
I figured the whole "plays out like an episode of Family Guy" thing was exaggeration posing as critique, but good god does this play out like an episode of Family Guy. Too many references, too many sex jokes, and generally too much of a lot, Ted did actually nail some jokes enough to keep me entertained, despite the unconvincing coming-of-age bullshit. I wouldn't watch this again, but I wouldn't mind if it was on while I wasn't watching.
1	kgbelliveau	75 _38th
Ted was surprisingly more funny than I originally had thought. Seth MacFarlane is very self-indulgent with his jokes, almost at times patting himself on the back. Despite that familiarity with his others works, Ted remains full of boyish heart, reminding us all of the childhood Teddy bear that will forever be our best friend. Mark Wahlberg proves to have comedic chops, bringing good use of his Boston accent to this film. Ted is a good comedy, I do recommend seeing it.
1	dwyer	53 _11th
Where it kind of messes up is when it becomes a weird chase movie, taking us beyond merely accepting Ted as a believable character. It basically makes us forget that he's a talking teddy bear because the things he has to say and do have been done in a hundred other movies just this year. This plot turn is a huge disservice to the rest of the film, and by the time we emerge from beneath its load (and I do mean load), it's pretty tough to win us back over.
1	d_drudges	20 _17th
I didn't find the jokes funny, and everything else about the film being so terribly calculated just felt frustrating.
1	Cinema_Asia	57 _23rd
This takes a rather wholesome idea for a children's film and warps it into a vehicle for adult humor. This isn't that bad but the humor is comedy central material which consists of nerdy pop culture references and sex jokes. Kind of works if you like crude humor but dark comedies like Bad Santa did it way better through warping childhood nostalgia. Wahlberg seems a natural fit for this type of role and took a break from starring in a long line of turds. Two bonus points for Flash Gordan.
1	woodoo	20 _2nd
Let it be known that the guys who came from TV commercials fare a hell of a lot better directing movies than the guys who came from TV shows. MacFarlane's sense of humor is punishing.
1	daisylegs	3 _7th
it's been a while since a film made me this angry.
1	lethias	78 _35th
90 -> 78 after rewatch, prolly biggest fall of them all
1	Superargo	89 _92nd
This is one of those (increasingly rare) movies in which I'm sitting there in the theater doing the staccato-screaming-coughing super-loud laughing that makes everybody around me jump and sorta sigh at me and drowns out some of the dialogue. Absolutely couldn't help it, though. MacFarlane might rip some of his own Family Guy stuff, but I honestly haven't laughed this hard since the SOUTH PARK movie. Plus, you get to hear Norah Jones say "penis."
1	natebarrios	55 _23rd
Giovanni Ribisi
1	TrixRabbi	69 _28th
It's pretty much like a modern episode of Family Guy while being funnier than any episode of Family Guy in the past three years.
1	jthusky	72 _59th
Overly reliant on some Family Guy-esque poor humor (some cheap shock gags and pop-culture stuff), but at the same time it had a lot of good-to-great humor that went over well. The plot and pacing? Sucked, but you don't see a comedy and expect those to be good, you just hope the jokes can power through them. Ted has enough that it does.
1	quez2go	72 _50th
The basic plot of this movie is simple and familiar but it is well executed and riffed on in fun ways. I hope that for MacFarlane's next feature (which I hope does happen) he is more creative and daring with the story he chooses to tell (for a movie with a living teddy bear it was surprisingly unoriginal). The cast does well, especially enjoyable was Giovanni Ribisi, and there are plenty of memorable jokes, but I know MacFarlane has a better movie in him.
1	Scorpus	74 _52nd
Ted has a pretty forgettable plot, but it's packed full with classic, hilarious, MacFarlane-style laughs
1	wedders	66 _18th
Never really got this films appeal - Family Guy IRL doesn't work for me somehow. Plus this is a LONG ass film where not much really happens.
1	mkellins	30 _11th
Nothing very original here. It was mostly just painful to watch. My biggest problem with it was the dialogue, it wasn't funny at all. Maybe the jokes would have worked in Family Guy but not in a real film.
1	Ryan Lueders (ReelRyan)	62 _18th
If you close your eyes and listen to the actors speak, you realize you are just watching a really long episode of Family Guy. Most of the cast, excluding Mark Wahlberg, have done voice work on Family Guy, even Patrick Stewart does some narration. Sadly, unlike Family Guy, this film wasn't very funny. I feel like I've seen this movie before and this wasn't an improvement. I still love Mila Kunis though, she alone is worth most of the points that this movie earned. She's just so stunning.
1	ryanfea	79 _35th
Formulaic but fun film from Seth MacFarlane. Features the same type of humor as his other work and features gags at a rapid pace utilizing toilet humor, sex, drugs and MacFarlane's obsessions like Star Wars.
1	Ripshawryan	55 _2nd
funny, but like most comedies, it fizzles and dies around the halfway point, when the writers decide the movie has to actually be about something. then it just gets to be really sappy and kinda lame. Mila Kunis is still in it though so it's not a total loss.
1	alwayssummer	65 _23rd
121226 Would you like to watch a movie or a very long Family Guy episode? This is the latter and it just does not hold up well to the added length. It had it's funny moments, but the teddy thing actually turns out to be a gimmick. The exact same story could have been told (and has been a thousand times already) with a human as the best buddy.
1	VengefulKBM	55 _30th
It certainly has its moments, but overall I don't get what all the fuss was about. Much like Family Guy, really.
1	Dakota99	6 _62nd
Ted is very much a Seth MacFarlane project, almost too much you could say. Ted definitely has some funny moments, I certainly don't get bored watching it, but it's all pointless. There isn't really any story arch to it, it's just a bunch of scenes strung together, with little subplots here and there. Mark Wahlberg does a lot for me, and him and Ted have good chemistry, but MacFarlane's talent doesn't really translate well to a full blown movie. Family Guy suits him better.
1	DyanneThorne	4 _0th
While it has a few genuinely funny gags, usually when things get completely surreal, it is still the most uncomfortable piece of trash I have watched in a long time. For all its talk about friendship and love, this movie has no heart. I makes me seriously doubt whether the directer has one.
1	anilscn	35 _23rd
Sexist and nonsense

Average Percentile 37.27% from 5813 Ratings