The Lawnmower Man

Everyone got this movie wrong. It's not about how virtual reality turns a "simple man" into a genius; it's about how the second you give a stupid white kid internet access, he turns into a psychopath who thinks he's smarter than everyone else. In part 3, he joins 4chan.

For the record, and for the last time, yes, I did mow lawns growing up, and, yes, I did have an older handsome gentleman take an interest in me. Maybe at one point he did hook me up to an electronic device. But that is exactly where the comparisons end.

I don't know what bastard took this great movie from my childhood, and replaced it with what I just saw, but I want you to know that you're the lowest of the low: Swapping great effects with tacky 'early CGI' is one thing, but your version is straight-to-tv schlock, not the eyeopening, mindbending, thought provoking science fiction epic, I saw when I was 12. Whoever you are you've sweeded part of my childhood, you fucker. I'll find you. Oh yes I will.

"Hey guys lets take this King short story about a retarded goatman guy who eats grass and is all ghoulish into this Of Mice and Men for the next generation" ;)

I blame this crap movie for single-handedly destroying virtual-reality development. I should have been nailing cyber-chicks and learning shit by subliminal flashy images by now. Get cracking techies! And if you have to sacrifice a few guys who struggle to tie their shoes, I'll look the other way.