The Package

Dolph Lundgen is in dire need of Stone Cold Steve Austin's package. If this morning I had known I would be typing that sentence, I would have cut off my fingers and tossed them into my acai berry and banana smoothie. My favorite scene would have to be when the "Muscles from Somewhere Other than Brussles" decides to give his doctor a lesson on the history of the martini. That history appears to consist of 3 parts vermouth, 7 parts gin, and an olive or lemon. And...from what I gather, no history.

Mostly it fails to be camp enough, but some scenes, like the most entertaining smoothie making scene of all time, almost make it worth your while.

This one is painful. The story is stupid. It almost takes an Olympic-Trained mind to withstand the tedium this film serves up. Steve Austin gives a stone cold performance of a dead fish. Dolph Lundgren gives one funny performance where he basically teaches the audience how to make a nutritious smoothie. The twist of the film made me roll my eyes. The one scene that got a good reaction from me was when the package almost got opened, I jumped pretty badly. Avoid this.

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