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Favorite Mini-Reviews

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dunbar
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby dunbar » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:28 am

I appreciated that one, frederic.

It's from a South Park episode. The Toilet Paper episode. I always thought that was a cracking piece of randomness. The boys are formulating an alibi to explain their whereabouts so they don't get caught for toilet papering their art teachers house. Here's the full quote (which I guess didn't fit):

Okay. Last night, all four of us were at the bowling alley until about 7:30, at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy, the Goth chick from the Breakfast Club, was bowling in the lane next to us, and we asked her for her autograph, but she didn't have a pen, so we followed her out to her car, but on the way we were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests, which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45, at which time we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Fritas Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46.

frederic_g54
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby frederic_g54 » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:45 am

That was a rhetorical question, but thanks for clearing that up anyway :lol:

dunbar
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby dunbar » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:50 am

:( What else am I supposed to do with my years of watching South Park?

BillyShears
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby BillyShears » Sun Nov 27, 2016 11:29 pm

IT DIDNT FIT :(

Bojangles
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby Bojangles » Fri Feb 24, 2017 11:33 pm

This one has been making me laugh:

sproost wrote:Any music supervisor that still uses the Junkie XL Elvis "Little less conversation" song in movies in 2016 needs to take a serious, deep, long look in the mirror and ask themselves the question if music supervision is really the job that brings out their qualities.


edit: forgot to mention that that's a review of Passengers

TheDenizen
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby TheDenizen » Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:21 am

resurrecting this ancient thread to share some recent gems:

begoniabol on Killing American Style: "Men with mullets, men with a true sense of fashion, men who know how to FIGHT and aquire guns with endless bullets. Simple story, great start but has bad pacing issues. Gets a bit boring after a while, but that doesn't matter because MULLETS AND FASHION."

Kojiless on Occupation: "Imagine, if you will, being pounded in the butt (Chuck Tingle-style) by the 80s classic invasion flick Red Dawn while drunk on Fosters Light Ice that was served to you by an armor-clad alien with a snazzy cape. If the prospect of such an endeavor positively tingles your chuck, then...Occupation is still not worth your time or bandwidth."

BillyShears on Nightmare: "The babysitter confuses a 6 foot tall killer with the small child she’s babysitting as he lurches toward her with a hammer. Lady if he hits you in the head I don’t think anything will happen."

Barthalen on The Gate: "Dear Timecop, I know I haven't written to you in many years, but what can ya do. Sooo, when you go on your next mission to kill bad people in the beforetimes, could you pick up a copy of this and hand it to my 12-year old self? He'd really appreciate it since it's one of those movies that's just a tad too scary for kids, which makes them exactly the right ones to see as a kid. Cheers!"

dunbar
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Postby dunbar » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:50 am

Cinema_Asia on Taken 2 wrote:Just like in a porno when strange scenarios occur just to give people reasons to fuck, Liam's character makes a silly decision to take his ex-wife and daughter on a vacation so they can both get kidnapped. Taken 2 ha ha GET IT!? Now he gets to rampage in a foreign land full of brown people destroying random people's property and slaughter mustache twirling villains. The fight scenes were fast cut so much it was like a flip book. In the next Liam will take on the muslim world strapped to a nuke.


CMonster on The Hateful Eight wrote:As an excuse to watch all manner of things hit Jennifer Jason Leigh in the face, it works quite well.


BeeDub on Taken wrote:My particular set of skills consists of writing pithy blurbs on movie recommendation sites.


Ytadel on Focus wrote:I hate to be a moral nag, but something just kinda BUGS ME about the fact that most of the "heist" targets in this film are just regular folks with no evidence that they are wealthy in any way. Like, I'm all for ripping off banks or mega companies or whatever in movies. Go forth and heist! But when you're stealing wallets and credits cards from just regular-ass people who probably now can't make rent or feed their kids, I'm just sitting here, like, wow, you dicks. Why should I root for you?


Seethruskin on Slender Man wrote:For crying out loud it's 2018 can we stop with the body shaming. Of course Hollywood is only interested in a movie called Slender Man. When's Thicc Man coming out. Smh


Kojiless on How It Ends wrote:We'll never know, because THERE WAS NO ENDING. Characters, plot lines, and MY SANITY appear and disappear like those Asian butterflies whose wings cause hurricanes in the Caribbean drawn like moths to the flames of Seattle burning after the Seahawks win the World Bowl Championshop. Follow Forest Whitaker's lazy eye...it always points west.


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