Welcome to Criticker: Home of insanely accurate recommendations!

A retired orchestra conductor is on holiday with his daughter and her friend in the Alps when he receives an invitation from Queen Elizabeth II to perform for Prince Philip's birthday. (Wikipedia)

A professional hit man and hit woman fall in love, only to discover that they have each been hired to kill the other. (imdb)

A magician is spurned by an opera singer, and takes a spectacular revenge by replacing the conductor and turning the hapless tenor into one thing after another. And watch out for the hair that gets caught in the projector gate! (imdb)

A man in a small town plans his own funeral in order to resolve an old murder case.

Based on Elizabeth Wurtzel's best-selling memoir, Prozac Nation stars Christina Ricci as a woman on the verge of losing her grip on life after she leaves her emotionally fraught home to start college. Quickly, her life takes a turn for the worse: She clashes with her roommate (Michelle Williams) and decides her boyfriend, Rafe (Jason Biggs), is her sole salvation. Her psychiatrist prescribes Prozac ... but is that her only choice?

Bill Parrish (Hopkins) has it all -- success, wealth, and power. Days before his 65th birthday he receives a visit from a mysterious stranger, Joe Black (Pitt), who soon reveals himself as Death. In exchange for extra time, Bill agrees to serve as Joe's earthly guide. But will he regret his choice when Joe unexpectedly falls in love with Bill's beautiful daughter Susan (Forlani). (Universal Studios)

Yakuza vampires battle it out to avenge the death of their boss at the hands of an international syndicate.

Mark marries Marnie although she is a habitual thief and has serious psychological problems, and tries to help her confront and resolve them. (imdb)

A recent college graduate goes to Paris after breaking up with his girlfriend of five years. His life should be open-ended and full of promise, but he can't shake his feelings of loss. Being a stranger in a strange land only aggravates his situation. When he falls in love with a young mysterious prostitute, a fateful journey begins. Though we soon learn that Simon is the one with deeper secrets. (mubi.com)

An all-knowing interlocutor guides us through a series of affairs in Vienna, 1900. A soldier meets an eager young lady of the evening. Later he has an affair with a young lady, who becomes a maid and does similarly with the young man of the house (imdb)