Celluloid Junkie - 2556 Film Rankings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
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|4 T1||I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) - Apr 09, 2018
"The Rob Schneider Project- day 24. Woke up already strapped into the view-chair. A voice behind me. “I’m particularly proud of this one. Relax. Let it happen. Your body is nearly ready.” That voice, so familiar… “Adam Sandler??”, I croak through parched lips. No reply comes as the movie starts. My soul is seared with offensive shit right away: Rob literally in yellowface, surrounded by an avalanche of gay panic jokes. I throw up and black out, mercifully. Schneider-annoyance factor:9"
|65 T5||Lone Survivor (2013) - Apr 09, 2018
"I'm not normally the type of viewer for this kind of ARE TROOPS material, but I'll be damned if the cast wasn't decent and the action pretty gripping at times. Opening with actual footage of SEAL training sets the mood, and the Explosions In The Sky soundtrack gives a sense of gravitas to anything on-screen. If you have some sort of fetish for the various sounds that guns can make or for people falling off of rocks onto other rocks, you might be a weirdo or the perfect target audience for this."
|60 T4||The Stuff (1985) - Apr 09, 2018
"A pretty random mix of consumerist culture satire and terribly amusing (or amusingly terrible) 80's schlock. The main adult character is a frustrating combination of Tim Heidecker's dickish 'Decker' character and Lindsey Graham. Every scene where The Stuff is oozing around is fun and I enjoyed the gross physical effects, but most human interactions or plot reveals just kinda baffled or annoyed me. I guess I just didn't have the right stuff ha ha ha h-[disintegrates into a white foamy puddle]"
|13 T1||Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre (2015) - Apr 04, 2018
"GODDAMNIT IT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A WOMEN'S PRISON OR A MASSACRE"
|66 T5||The Disaster Artist (2017) - Apr 04, 2018
"It's competent, but I think I would've liked it more if it was more daring or crazy. I want freeze-frames and Scorsese-style voice-overs. I want Adaptation-like moments of self-doubt and loathing and temporary insanity. I want Kubrick-like slow zooms onto Tommy's face while leaving the viewer confused and creeped out. ...But then again I also want to see a Leprechaun-Wishmaster crossover movie so what do I know."
|40 T3||Circus Kane (2017) - Apr 04, 2018
"Welllll I guess if you want a sort of Saw-like movie but with all the edge and teeth filed off, oh, and anything truly gory taken out, oh, and with limited production values, oh, and with monologues thrown in that go on for way too long, then I guess you could do a whole lot worse."
|81 T9||Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) - Apr 04, 2018
"Well whaddayaknow, it still holds up! Worth a look just to enjoy the craft and love that went into this, and there's some great stuff in here that blew my kid mind at the time. Cartoons that can legitimately die, often horribly. All the 'physical' toon interactions. The Daffy vs Donald piano-off. The film noir tropes. Jessica Rabbit, hoo boy. The drinkin' and shootin' and oh god Christopher Lloyd as the perfect cartoon villain. And as a bonus: a car driving a car."
|55 T4||Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017) - Mar 13, 2018
"Ahhh boy. I'm just so tired of all these star wars."
|11 T1||The Benchwarmers (2006) - Mar 01, 2018
"The Rob Schneider Project- day 23. Had been in a dark cell for.. weeks? Months? Until silent guards fetch me once again and bring me to a cold projection room. The straps seem tighter than before. The movie they play... Surreal. Schneider as the main character, married, every other actor being the comic relief? Unrelenting horror. After a cruel hour, I break and hoarsely whisper "Back to the cell. Please... anything but this". They comply, laughing. Am I in hell? Schneider-annoyance factor: 5."
|58 T4||Godzilla: Monster Planet (2017) - Feb 21, 2018
"The premise is pretty neat, adding some sci-fi elements mixes well with the desperate survival mode the human characters are in. Becomes a bit boring by the halfway point. The cell-shaded CGI animation is distracting(ly ugly) and makes the big action finale just feel like a crummy cutscene with a Godzilla who's just.. there. The very end is interesting again, so I'll guess I'll check the continuation. Not like I have anything better to do anyway.."