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Barthalen

Celluloid Junkie - 2563 Film Ratings

Member Since: Mar 31, 2008

Location: Netherlands

Age: 36

Gender: Male

Status: Single

more Recent Ratings
85 92% Blade Runner 2049 (2017) - May 10, 2018
"Villeneuve's slow, moody, ambient-drenched handling of the material is exactly what I was hoping for. A sequel not simply offering a dumbed down do-over but actually building on what came before without becoming insufferably wink-nudge-y. Interesting themes, strong acting, gorgeous sets and effective reveals. "
55 32% Lights Out (2016) - May 10, 2018
"A neat enough premise that gets sabotaged the longer it goes on thanks to inconsistencies and stupid characters, until you realise that you Don't Care Anymore About Any Of This and mentally you go lights out and coast along until the credits roll by and the escapism doesn't work so you start thinking too much again and oh god what am I doing with my life"
25 13% The Sandman (2017) - May 10, 2018
"[An unkempt man sits alone in a filthy room, dark circles around his eyes. After his seventeenth failed attempt to write an acceptable joke review about falling asleep while watching The Sandman, he grunts in frustration and simply pushes the Submit button.]"
71 58% Black Panther (2018) - May 10, 2018
"A whole lot of cool and refreshing elements trying to distract from the fact we're watching a very basic, predictable story. T'Challa kinda gets sidelined to focus on more interesting/lively characters, but I'll be damned if I didn't enjoy the hell out of Jordan, Gurira and Serkis. More interesting for its place in our current socio-political cinematic landscape than anything else. That goofy Phantom Menace-like final battle won't be what we remember about this, at least."
28 14% Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (2015) - May 10, 2018
"It's the equivalent of a bad Tom and Jerry cartoon but with the main characters replaced by dumb CGI bullshit. ...You know, sometimes I feel that all those hours spent on shitty monster movies could've been used to master a useful skill instead. But with my luck I probably would've ended up in digital design, creating dumb CGI bullshit for cheap monster movies, so I guess it evens out."
70 54% Horror of Dracula (1958) - May 08, 2018
"Wonderful and colorful set design plus Lee and Cushing's 'cool just to watch these dudes do their thing'-factor can't quite compensate for the so-so execution of it all. "
20 10% Hellraiser: Judgment (2018) - May 08, 2018
"Shit: Sandwich"
1% I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) - Apr 09, 2018
"The Rob Schneider Project- day 24. Woke up already strapped into the view-chair. A voice behind me. “I’m particularly proud of this one. Relax. Let it happen. Your body is nearly ready.” That voice, so familiar… “Adam Sandler??”, I croak through parched lips. No reply comes as the movie starts. My soul is seared with offensive shit right away: Rob literally in yellowface, surrounded by an avalanche of gay panic jokes. I throw up and black out, mercifully. Schneider-annoyance factor:9"
65 44% Lone Survivor (2013) - Apr 09, 2018
"I'm not normally the type of viewer for this kind of ARE TROOPS material, but I'll be damned if the cast wasn't decent and the action pretty gripping at times. Opening with actual footage of SEAL training sets the mood, and the Explosions In The Sky soundtrack gives a sense of gravitas to anything on-screen. If you have some sort of fetish for the various sounds that guns can make or for people falling off of rocks onto other rocks, you might be a weirdo or the perfect target audience for this."
60 38% The Stuff (1985) - Apr 09, 2018
"A pretty random mix of consumerist culture satire and terribly amusing (or amusingly terrible) 80's schlock. The main adult character is a frustrating combination of Tim Heidecker's dickish 'Decker' character and Lindsey Graham. Every scene where The Stuff is oozing around is fun and I enjoyed the gross physical effects, but most human interactions or plot reveals just kinda baffled or annoyed me. I guess I just didn't have the right stuff ha ha ha h-[disintegrates into a white foamy puddle]"