Cinema Addict - 2438 Rankings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
Check out Barthalen's...
|31 T2||Nightmare Sisters (1988) - Feb 21, 2017
"The first half is irrecoverably bad and embarrassing for everyone involved. At the halfway point a huge switch located offscreen labeled NUDITY is flipped and, well, the rest is titstory."
|14 T1||Piranha Sharks (2014) - Feb 20, 2017
"The type of shitty monster movie that features maaaaybe one whole minute of shark-related CGI nonsense, aka the stuff you came to see. Such a desperately cheap cash-in it even feels the need to rip off Sharknado's cover, talk about setting the bar low. Not a single original or good idea in this snoozefest. And there was so much potential in the concept. So, back to waiting for that spiritual successor to Mega Piranha."
|19 T2||Death Machines (1976) - Feb 16, 2017
"A chilling and sobering reminder of the dangers inherent in the 'watching a movie based entirely on what the poster looks like' decision making process. But seriously, look at that thing! Wouldn't you want to see THAT movie? Where's my humanoid-processing metal mindpyramid engine, ya jerks?!?!?"
|89 T10||What We Do in the Shadows (2014) - Feb 16, 2017
"For too long I ignored this, thinking it could never be as good as I hoped it would be. But ye gods, it was! Twists or 'humanizes' a bunch of genre tropes in smart ways, has a delightful cast of kinda sympathetic monsters (and Stu), and the effects look pretty damn good or hokey in the best way. Bat fight!"
|64 T5||I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990) - Feb 13, 2017
"Well I'll be, within 10 minutes the protagonist has bought a vampire goddamn motorcycle. While it's pretty goofy, the makers are clearly having fun with the premise and it doesn't take long for something amusingly dumb or gory to happen. Plus the contents are so British that you can almost hear the cans of lager being cracked open as soon as a scene ends. The kind of 'B-movie with a hilarious title' that genuinely wants to entertain, not just trick you into a purchase."
|65 T5||First Strike (1996) - Feb 10, 2017
"The attempt at some Bond-ish plot goes off the rails soon enough, luckily the creativity of the fight scenes makes this worth a watch; fun setups like an action scene entirely underwater, nice. I chuckled at how assholeish Jackie's bosses are regarding his safety, but maybe it's a meta reference to unsafe working conditions for HK stuntmen? Seeing the stuntreel during the credits always makes me feel bad for not rating these movies higher. Sorry you guys got hurt and I didn't appreciate it more!"
|25 T2||Around the World in 80 Days (2004) - Feb 02, 2017
"The Rob Schneider Project- day 19. A baffling day at the H.U.R.R.S. labs as we were forced to study this boring, racially confused piece of nonsense. When Rob briefly appeared (as himself) it once more felt like relief to us. Unnerving. And all the time, a shady figure was watching us from the observation lounge above. Our mysterious Project Leader? The team left in relatively good spirits, chuckling about that Arnie cameo. Not me. I know which movie will be next... Schneider-annoyance factor: 3"
|33 T2||A Doggone Christmas (2016) - Jan 31, 2017
"So many questions. Why is 98% of the running time not Christmas or snow related? Why is FBI lady dressed like a goth stripper? Why is Paul Logan SO ANGRY? Is it because he has a bad agent? How does a dog know how old timey dynamite works? Why is there a sequel called A Doggone Hollywood? Why does the version of me from that parallel universe have his life in order while I'm watching cheap 'telepathic pet' movies like a doggone moron?"
|89 T10||Hamlet (1996) - Jan 18, 2017
"I've never had to dig into Hamlet at school or when I lived on that garbage dump, so this was my first real exposure to the complete play. And ye gods, did this version deliver! I have nothing but respect for the acting on display (Lemmon is a weak link though), the long takes, stone-cold classic lines and delivery, fantastic sets and the deliciously uncompromising full 4-hour duration. As Phil Ken Sebben once rightly said: "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub. Ha haa! ..Rub." "
|40 T3||Sausage Party (2016) - Jan 16, 2017
"Know what'd be fucking funny? To have some fucking CGI shit be fucked up and vulgar, shit yeah! Also, add some fucking! Haha! What do you mean our non-union animators aren't paid for the overtime we forced on them? Well, fuck them too!"