Celluloid Junkie - 2501 Rankings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
Check out Barthalen's...
|70 T6||Kong: Skull Island (2017) - Sep 12, 2017
"For a movie about giant monsters that's part of a cinemaghhh (sorry, almost threw up in my mouth) cinematic universe, this was pretty allright! Characters can die suddenly and amusingly, everything looks and sounds OK and it moves along nicely. Am I extra positive since so many other recent blockbusters left me feeling dead inside, more than usual? Maybe. Probably. But I also saw a giant ape beat the shit out of a giant lizard monster and for a brief moment, life was good."
|82 T9||Shaolin and Wu Tang (1981) - Sep 12, 2017
"The type of martial arts flick that gets me smiling like an idiot within 20 seconds and lets me know I'm in for a Good Time. A nice balance between badass training montages, fights with enjoyably busy choreography and simple plot fluff. The crummy VHS quality was both a shame and made it more enjoyably classic-y. Oh, and wasn't that one hip hop group named after this movie? The Shaolin Bunch?"
|50 T3||A Cure for Wellness (2017) - Sep 05, 2017
"Strong visuals, nice sets and decent buildup had me interested, the unsubtle foreshadowing and predictable progression had me worried. I couldn't shake the feeling I was watching a watered-down Shutter Island, complete with DeHaan as Budget DiCaprio. I was hoping SO HARD for this to take a Society-like turn in the climax but the movie just gave me a steaming heap of bullshit instead. Damnit!"
|48 T3||Message from Space (1978) - Sep 04, 2017
"A tonally inconsistent mess with mostly unlikable leads who gain unearned importance because Deus Ex Glowy Spacenuts say so. I liked some of the sets, and there's an amusingly nostalgic factor in the model work, but these are minor pluses compared to the muddled and confusing NotQuiteStarWarsian nonsense surrounding it."
|84 T9||Shaolin Rescuers (1979) - Aug 29, 2017
"There's a bit of slowing down in the second half when some plot needs to happen, but all in all this was a highly enjoyable romp. A lot of acrobatic moves on display, diverse and frequent fights, pretty decent main characters I actually gave a damn about, and a deliciously busy finale to go out with a bang. Plus the villains defeat a martial arts master by kicking him in the balls, which will never not be funny to me."
|72 T7||Train to Busan (2016) - Aug 23, 2017
"Straightforward zombie fare without anything new or refreshing to add, but definitely achieving what it sets out to do. Good looking (and creepily moving) zombies, a few tense scenes, predictable character beats and some sappy but earned drama at the end. As a fan of the genre, I'm not complainin'."
|49 T3||Ghost in the Shell (2017) - Aug 23, 2017
"Hoo boy. Another case of Movie That Only Looks Good For The Trailers. The original concept has been lobotomized so there's just empty characters going through the motions to have a final battle with a Mean Person whose death will fix everything but actually just makes the whole thing feel circular and soulless. Overexplainy (the makers assume we're dumb) and without a point (the makers assume we don't need one, because dumb), just another unnecessary title for the 'forgettable' pile."
|79 T8||Dirty Ho (1976) - Aug 23, 2017
"The buildup is a tad slow, some of the earlier fights are played for laughs and Liu is rather low-key in this, so I suppose I was initially bummed this wasn't a bit more 'regularly badass'. But it didn't take long for Dirty Ho to dismantle my objections and offer an enjoyable romp with wonderful choreography. The final fight where three enemies work as one against the two protagonists who work as one was just an absolute delight. This should've had a Dirty Hoes sequel."
|82 T9||The Killer (1989) - Aug 22, 2017
"Too silly to work as either part drama or thriller, but if you're looking for priceless Hong Kong 80's Shooting Dudes In A Cool Way A Lot Of Times Until They Are Dead And Also No Longer Alive stuff, this is the good shit. The one female character has all the depth of a NPC on an escort quest though, and I feel it's important to mention tha~[*is violently gunned down behind computer, doves fly out of monitor*]"
|48 T3||Alien: Covenant (2017) - Aug 04, 2017
"The writers are so lazy and unambitious they can't convey a sense of wonder or interest through their characters so we're stuck watching bumbling moron colonists fall face-first into dumb deaths all so we can have non-answers to questions that weren't interesting in the first place and oh yeah let's force in some CGI fauxnomorphs that now have 5-second-lifecycle stages since that saves us all the trouble of having development happen in the meantime and [chest bursts from pure disappointment]"