Celluloid Junkie - 2669 Film Ratings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
Check out Barthalen's...
|79 77%||Mutant Blast (2018) - May 22, 2020
"It's the kind of schlocky head-crushy B-movie you hope for when hearing a title like 'Mutant Blast'. Sure, the scene setting and storytelling aren't the best and they kinda lose their most potentially hilarious character early on, but then amusingly random shit happens like a giant rat walking into the scene killing 90% of the (horribly mutated) characters and all my genuine complaints suddenly seem rather silly."
|64 43%||Color Out of Space (2019) - May 07, 2020
"Give me some trippy visuals and creepy soundscapes and normally I'm a happy camper, but this definitely needed... well, more restraint and less frustrating character interactions. When people can't communicate and start making odd decisions because the plot needs them to, it just gets kinda annoying. I was losing interest until some pretty nasty body horror happens for a bit, but then it limps to its standard conclusions. Color me surprised, ha ha haoh god I'm so sorry"
|80 81%||Tai Chi Master (1993) - May 04, 2020
"If you're into crazy martial arts shenanigans, apart from some awkward comedy, this is an absolute blast. And, yes, I am very much into crazy martial arts shenanigans."
|76 70%||Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (2001) - May 04, 2020
"A slicker version of a kinda regular Bebop episode. Looks and sounds so damn good, but it's a bit of a shame the plot wasn't more interesting."
|80 81%||Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) - May 04, 2020
"As I wasn't really aware of Sharon Tate's history, the end felt a bit off. So yeah, in its right context, the viewing would've been much more impactful. But despite me being a philistine there was a lot here to dig into. Individual scenes are wonderful/tense, acting's excellent, everything just oozes atmosphere and authenticity, and ye gods, that action climax. Tarantino wallowing in movie nostalgia is our gain, if you ask me. (You probably shouldn't.)"
|73 64%||Eye of the Beholder: The Art of Dungeons & Dragons (2019) - May 04, 2020
"I didn't really expect much going in, but was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I lost a CHA save and became all nostalgic remembering the cover of a D&D module that was in my local store that always looked like The Coolest Thing to me as a kid. I mean, an armored skeleton hacking its way through a wooden door? That's the good shit. Ahem. Anyway! Wholesome, uplifting stuff."
|70 55%||Blade II (2002) - May 04, 2020
"I have a soft spot for this one. It has a sillier tone than the first with more over the top characters and designs, but that just makes it feel more comicbooky which suits me fine. Snipes is fun to watch, and knowing how crazy this guy can be on set makes it even more amusing. The movie starts to lose steam halfway through as it doesn't really build up to anything worth feeling invested in. And wasting Donnie Yen like this, c'mon guys. Not cool."
|39 19%||Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) - Mar 25, 2020
"The writer's hands are bleeding from banging on the metal walls. "Please, don't do this!" he shouts desperately, knowing it is watching. "We're sorry we called your script bottom-tier fanfic bullshit, but people are not going to take this! It... Oh god, it so blatantly shows your contempt for your audience. Please, have mercy!" As the garbage compactor walls close in to crush the last voice of dissent, the self-aware D//SNEY scriptwriting A.I. hums. Its goals were met. All is well."
|75 68%||Royal Warriors (1986) - Mar 05, 2020
"Delicious 80's actioner where Michelle Yeoh starts out kicking dudes all over the place and ends up driving an experimental tank through a quarry where everything explodes in order to save a coffin. How can I not approve."
|15 8%||Grown Ups (2010) - Mar 05, 2020
"The Rob Schneider Project-day 31. Adam's friends are over, the same from the movie that's playing in the background, but now they are naked and sweaty. I can't focus on the funny fart sounds on the tv, Adam is shouting about how every few years some 'aansjent spirrit of Snai'darr' needs to find a new 'sewtable hoost' because the previous one gets a 'likwefaid brayne'?? Then they all start chanting and pointing at me, haha. I think they want me to say something but I fart and step in a mousetrap."