Celluloid Junkie - 2619 Film Ratings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
Check out Barthalen's...
|0 0%||Foodfight (2012) - May 20, 2019
"Once you get locked into a serious Shitty Movie Watching habit, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. Together with begoniabol, I've seen some shit. CGI birds exploding. Adam Sandler in drag. Rob Schneider's face. A Santa with muscles. CGI fish with clipping issues. Neil Breen's ass. But nothing compares to this absolute soul-crushing experience. To everyone who was able to watch this in one go and not in 5 minute chunks spaced out between weeks; you are either a goddamn hero or insane. "
|80 81%||Avengers: Endgame (2019) - May 13, 2019
"The man sits by himself in the now emptied theatre. Silence has reclaimed the room at last. He stands up slowly, as if a long, arduous task has just been completed. A moment passes that seems to last forever. Finally he adjusts his glasses and slowly, yet decidedly, nods. He walks out in silence. Wait. Is that a... twinkle in his eye? Or a little tea-OH GOD IT'S A LITTLE TEAR WHAT A WUSS AHAHAHA"
|69 51%||The Villainess (2017) - May 13, 2019
"Holy hell, that whole opening segment. This flick will satisfy anyone's unquenchable thirst for both over-the-top part-POV dynamic murderaction and cheesy momentum-killing melodrama. Oh, and another annoying thi[FLASHBACK TO SOME CONVOLUTED SHIT]"
|70 55%||John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) - May 13, 2019
"Dude with aimhack + dumb baddies + bit of worldbuilding + colors. That's more or less the Wick formula and I'm relatively OK with that."
|70 55%||Event Horizon (1997) - May 06, 2019
"I've always had a soft spot for this one. Yes, the characters make dumb decisions and it becomes silly action-y towards the end, but gosh darnit if I just don't really appreciate the sets, the gore, the casting, the design of that engine and the glimpses of Hellraisery horror."
|49 26%||10 to Midnight (1983) - May 06, 2019
"The kind of cheap-looking vigilante glorification mush slathered in every-wrong-opinion-from-the-80s sauce that cancels out any enjoyment the sleaze might provide."
|50 28%||Demon Wind (1990) - May 06, 2019
"A cheap and silly but at times kinda-almost creative or interesting Evil Dead ripoff that for some reason has two of its characters enter the movie as karate-using magicians to a shitty synth rendition of Ride of the Valkyries (featuring capes and a summoned bunny) and has someone else turn into a doll that bleeds and then explodes and everyone's just kinda cool with it. Some decent make-up effects. Weak everything else."
|63 42%||The Long Dumb Road (2018) - May 06, 2019
"It's fine and Zouks is perfect for the role, but it's all kinda [GENERIC CRITICISM] for a [ROADMOVIE TEMPLATE]."
|75 68%||The Holy Mountain (1973) - May 06, 2019
"Uhhhh, soooo... yeahhhh... I mean... You know? [Runs away, confused and nude]"
|71 59%||Upgrade (2018) - May 06, 2019
"Dynamically filmed R-rated action in a pretty refreshing cyberpunkish setting that features some predictable story beats but lands the ending? Yeah, that sounds good, upgrade my order please. "