Celluloid Junkie - 2682 Film Ratings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
Check out Barthalen's...
|69 51%||Dragons Forever (1988) - Aug 31, 2020
"Three liars and cheats with questionable ethics are trying their best to help a crime boss continue to dump toxic waste. These are the main characters, and it initially soured me on the proceedings. I'm having a hard time enjoying Jackie punching dudes when he originally tries to pressure a woman into dropping a rape charge. Big Yikes Energy. By the time the finale rolled around, though, I could roll with the punches. And kicks. And acrobatics. Best part; cigar-smoking crimeboss hamming it up."
|52 30%||Okaruto (2009) - Aug 31, 2020
"I enjoyed the dry documentary aesthetic of Noroi which initially worked here as well, but every time something involving a CGI thingee needs to happen it looks so cheap that all goodwill evaporates. It also doesn't do anything truly interesting on the way to the conclusion once the setup is established. The big reveal at the end just looked like a Tim and Eric bit and that's both hilarious and sad."
|88 95%||Total Recall (1990) - Aug 31, 2020
"Man, they don't make 'em like this anymore. Total Recall is so good at being so damn entertaining. From the perfect casting, fast-moving plot with plenty of reveals and twists, to the squib-heavy action and (relatively) great physical effects; Verhoeven knows how to deliver the goods. And as a bonus, the density of quality Arnie screams is INSANE. Those vacuum-expanding eyeball-poppin' faces messed me up as a kid and will always be slightly unnerving to me."
|65 45%||The Lodge (2020) - Aug 31, 2020
"Past the halfway point I got a bit frustrated since the setup felt cruel and abusive to me, but the cold and isolated atmosphere kept me going. Stuck with me after the credits rolled, and despite not quite liking what it has to say about mental health, all the elements put together did make for an effectively moody piece."
|73 64%||Dragon Inn (1992) - Aug 31, 2020
"People from different factions out to exploit or capture each other get stuck in one location and shenanigans ensue. You never have to wait too long for something entertaining to happen, the fights are enjoyably exaggerated and lead to a satisfying showdown."
|75 69%||Tumbbad (2018) - Aug 31, 2020
"A great-looking and at times effectively creepy tale about the curse of greed. The few songs were integrated nicely, the location where the main supernatural events take place has a wonderful claustrophobic quality to it, even the CGI creature design worked. I always like it when there's specific rules to a process that people can then creatively exploit, so the climax got a great 'oh nooo!' panicky reaction out of me. A simple story, told well."
|74 66%||Knives Out (2019) - Aug 18, 2020
"An enjoyable (sortof)whodunnit with a solid cast that finds a nice balance between sillyness and tension. Craig is a bit distracting though with that rathahh ridicyuluhs drahhwl."
|75 69%||Blood Machines (2019) - Aug 18, 2020
"So it's like a Moebius strip come to life and there's a naked lady flying through space and it's all set to Carpenter Brut? [Crosses legs quickly, blushing] No, no, I'm fine, really."
|67 47%||A Deadly Secret (1980) - Aug 06, 2020
"It never really has a 'wow' moment, but this tale of villains being jerks for the flimsiest of reasons ("You talked to a person once who knows something important, so you must know it too! Tell me or die!") slooowly works towards a satisfying conclusion. The martial arts on display are decent enough, but the main thing from this that will stick with me forever is that wooden-spike-butt-torture scene, holy moly. "
|62 41%||Who Killed Captain Alex? (2010) - Aug 05, 2020
"I was a dumbass and totally missed the VJ Emmie audiotrack, but instead of kicking myself for that oversight I'll just pretend I've chosen to watch this as a snob in its most pure form, the way the author intended. ANYHOO, objectively it's all terrible, but considering the context this was made in it becomes kinda charming instead. The "Russian" dude's ammo belt of wooden stakes; perfection. This kind of pure, lowest-of-budgets filmmaking with ambition behind it just warms my cold, dead heart. "