Celluloid Junkie - 2601 Film Ratings
Member Since: Mar 31, 2008
Check out Barthalen's...
|11 6%||Bedtime Stories (2008) - Mar 13, 2019
"The Rob Schneider Project-day 27. The cultists have bathed me, changed my clothes. They left the curly wig on, but I barely notice. The constant pain has become a dull roar, my voice an inaudible rasp. So tired... Tired of resisting. On a screen of human skin, a movie is projected. Adam Sandler observes me silently. When I see the racist as shit Schneider cameo, I don't... I feel... nothing. I... am nothing. Nothing. Sandler kneels down, tears of happiness in his eyes. "Welcome back, Rob.""
|73 64%||Alita: Battle Angel (2019) - Mar 07, 2019
"[Adjusts glasses] "Well, you see, in the manga...". I fully expected to dislike this, but I'll be damned, I had a good time. The setting is pretty nicely realised, the action is fluid and fun to watch, they get away with some decent kinda-gore and most important of all, Alita herself was enjoyable! Her mannerisms were so well done, and she quickly becomes a character who you want to see succeed. I can't believe I'm hoping for a sequel, but here we are."
|90 97%||Mandy (2018) - Mar 07, 2019
"I love how most things in this movie can be explained by people either having supernatural abilities or just being really, really high. A simple pulpy story that's elevated to My Kinda Shit heights by intense colours and soundscapes, delicious weirdness and just going balls to the goddamn wall when it needs to. I loved the slow-ass buildup."
|84 90%||Citizenfour (2014) - Mar 07, 2019
"It's a weird thing to rate, because as others have rightly said, it's not much of an informative documentary. But as a look into the last few days of a young guy before his life would become completely upended because he felt he had to do what was right no matter the consequences... yeah, damn, this got me good. A very unique slow burner."
|62 41%||Captain Marvel (2019) - Mar 07, 2019
"When the most memorable part of your way too expensive new superhero movie concerns a cat, that's maybe a sign it could have used more unexpected twists, powerful character drama and/or action with stakes and consequences. It's perfectly fine entertainment, you know, in a general sense. Brie and Jackson carry the whole thing nicely. I liked the references to other MCU elements and look forward to Carol's integration into future stuff. (I guess I help fund more of these things, sorry!)"
|72 61%||The Gate (1987) - Feb 03, 2019
"Dear Timecop, I know I haven't written to you in many years, but what can ya do. Sooo, when you go on your next mission to kill bad people in the beforetimes, could you pick up a copy of this and hand it to my 12-year old self? He'd really appreciate it since it's one of those movies that's just a tad too scary for kids, which makes them exactly the right ones to see as a kid. Cheers!"
|29 14%||Atlantic Rim 2 (2018) - Feb 03, 2019
"Bargain-basement robots in a bargain-basement movie. Which coincidentally seems to be where the "action scenes" were filmed, the ones that only consist of watching people pilot a huge rob- sorry I meant people sitting in a chair, moving oversized joysticks back and forth, shaking around and making goofy faces. Paul Logan's still doing what he does best; not being cast as the lead and making scowly faces. "
|59 36%||Idle Hands (1999) - Feb 03, 2019
"The possessed hand from Evil Dead 2 in its first starring role. For a dumb, extremely 90's comedy, this had a few amusing moments. ...I'm not sure how ashamed I should feel for that."
|72 61%||Raw Meat (1972) - Jan 25, 2019
"My kind of low-key B-movie! Pleasance is enjoyable to watch, a Christopher Lee cameo is always welcome and the underground locations are effective. The main draw for me was the great camerawork; the way a shot just glides through the antagonist's lair, letting the whimpering cries in the background sink in while slowly, almost sensuously passing over multiple rotting corpses before focusing on the crying victim before she ..oh god I sound like a complete psychopath don't I?"
|70 55%||Pathfinder (1987) - Jan 25, 2019
"I expected a cutesy adventure in the snow, and I got Young Die Hard On Ice instead. Pretty hardcore for a kids' movie, which I appreciated as a jaded (semi-)adult. The impact is increased by so much being filmed in the outdoors, every runny nose-cicle and crunchy ice-beard adds priceless authenticity to this tale of survival and Discovering Who You Are (While Icing Some Mean Murdery Men)."