EastonD
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| 85 75% | The Long Good Friday (1980) - Rated 05 Feb 2024
"Bob Hoskins is the sexiest balding hairy fat man of all time, he wasn’t the only one wet during that shower scene."
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| 88 81% | Hard Target (1993) - Rated 05 Feb 2024
"Who doesn’t want to run their fingers through JCVD’s juicy cajun sex mullet or bayou brimleys thick luscious moonshine sopped beard? This is the greatest film I’ve ever seen. Snake punching, spin kicks, double guns, explosions, archery, doves, a fiery Lance Henriksen, hands free motorcyclin’, the guy who played the mummy in The Mummy, smoking yancy butler both her looks and her voice. we never gave american john woo the respect he deserves. this masterpiece and then face off? he spoiled us."
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| 55 37% | Reacher (2022) - Rated 20 Jan 2024
"I never thought I’d say this about another man but I think Reacher got way too swole for season two. He looks about ten years older, his face is puffy, I was afraid his heart would explode anytime he shook that juicy physique around. Of course I wouldn’t mind getting lost forever in his immense and terrible flesh but I still say he was uncomfortably big. Hopefully he turns down the gas a bit for season three. This show is absolute trash and I’ll happily watch the next thirty five seasons of it"
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| 50 34% | The Next Three Days (2010) - Rated 17 Jan 2024
"I’m pretty okay with implausibility, even a heaping spoonful like why would thin-ish russell crowe risk it at for Elizabeth Banks or how did Russell not just say forget the plan and plow that thirsty park mom? What I’m not okay with is tensionless implausibility where not for a moment did I feel like the stakes or lack there of would result in our “hero’s” capture/death, Oh they got to the zoo and picked up their boy without an issue! I’ve never made it through an airport as fast as they did."
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| 75 55% | Breakdown (1997) - Rated 12 Jan 2024
"as a native californian breakdown is exactly how I pictured the ol us of a between the coasts as a young boy: a miserable endless desert of chainless restaurants, denim shirts, jt walshs and mc gaineys. they don’t even have complete names! I’ve probably seen portions of this film about seventy times, the whole thing together all at once was quite neat. poor kurt russell had to share haircuts with his wife. I genuinely remembered the bald cop being in on it, my poor old brain is mush. fun film!"
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| 75 55% | A View to a Kill (1985) - Rated 06 Jan 2024
"A View to a Kill commits to film the single most incompetent performance by a spy in film history. James Bond (as played by the geriatric ham master Roger Moore) stumbles his way to victory despite never having made a correct decision at any moment in this film's comfortable run time. Blown covers, dead comrades, dumb plans, thank goodness for his equally incompetent foe or super genius secret nazi. Why ram the balloon? Just hover over the water until his grip gives out. grace jones = smokeshow"
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| 75 55% | Octopussy (1983) - Rated 06 Jan 2024
"Bond dressed as a clown diffuses a nuclear bomb. Another clown steals a gold egg and gets murdered by identically dressed twins. Maud Adams only being eighteen years younger than Bond makes her feel like his grandmother. Octopussy is her name but also the name of her octopus? Bond escapes his captors via vine and Tarzan yell. Bond and Ms Moneypenny flirting looks like a depends advert. Octopussy only employs women and excels in the male dominated arena of smuggling. Maybe the best film ever made"
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| 70 48% | For Your Eyes Only (1981) - Rated 06 Jan 2024
"There’s actually a good movie in there that happens to be bookended by a comically awful beginning and end. Bond actually turns down sex! The stakes are lower, the plot simpler, and the film benefits from this greatly. Sheena Easton is wonderful. That poor guy had his drink ruined for the third time. Bond lets a parrot talk to Margaret Thatcher, the old cow, while he plays naked water sports with a girl his granddaughters age. He also kills a handicapped bald man with a helicopter. fun times"
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| 40 29% | Moonraker (1979) - Rated 06 Jan 2024
"Write a new film? Why bother! Just grab a Spy Who Loved Me script and cross out all the watery parts and add spacey eugenics and boom! A shameless attempt to hop aboard the Star Wars train, sadly raker is snail-paced schlock. Medical school was probably tough for Dr Holly Goodhead . Lovely score/sets. Jaws finds love, why can’t you? The bowl cut in a karate gi is probably up to no good. The climatic space laser tag battle was shit. Attempting re-entry is a poor man’s keeping the British end up."
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| 65 43% | The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) - Rated 06 Jan 2024
"Stromberg's grand vision of a master race of undersea fishpeople was unceremoniously halted by a syphilitic drunk misogynist. Alan Partridge ruined the opening of this film. Carly Simon is a joy. This film balanced the serious and silly quite well. The quintessential Roger Moore Bond film."
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