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Suture Self

Celluloid Junkie - 2559 Rankings

Member Since: Mar 9, 2007

Age: 157

Gender: Male

Bio: I'm actively bullshitting my way through adulthood and I bet you are too.

more Recent Rankings
T4 Murder on the Orient Express (2017) - Nov 10, 2017
"It's like The Polar Express for 75 year old Agatha Christie fans."
T3 The Golden Compass (2007) - Nov 04, 2017
"The Golden Compass has charm but that charm is quickly devoured by a breakneck mishmash of a plot that lacked a coherent message and left at least three hundred questions unresolved. Dust? DUST? WHAT? "
T10 A Monster Calls (2016) - Nov 02, 2017
"Well fuck me, that was lovely. There are those that will refuse to consider this great cinema -- aka nerds -- but that monster's tree branches pierced through my skin and wrapped around my heart and ripped it right out. Yes, I'm being melodramatic. Yes, the movie is melodramatic. So what. The presence of the monster, both internal and external, is a good and strong analogy. It's hard to deal with loss without some kind of monster awakening as a result. The monster is destructive. But it heals."
T6 Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) - Oct 22, 2017
"More movies about animal extinction, please. "
T6 Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) - Oct 21, 2017
"A meditative pace, psychedelic visuals that still hold up, and a clever plot with built-in intrigue. While the big reveal at the end is kinda half-baked, it's not without some thoughtfulness. I understand why people may find this boring, but the hate seems...unwarranted. "
T3 Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984) - Oct 20, 2017
"Lots of people die for Spock's coffin only to find out that Spock isn't even dead. I did NOT see that coming!"
T7 Star Trek (1966) - Oct 20, 2017
"At the end of the day the question becomes: Is Star Trek a force for good in American society? Is it escapist nonsense that drags the American public deeper into delusion or is it a futuristic vision to be constructively contrasted with modern failures? I understand the argument of the former, but I prefer the latter. We need more positive visions in our media. Life should be respected. Differences should be respected. We have to work with one another. It's a trite message, but it's healthy. "
T5 Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) - Oct 20, 2017
"This is essentially a reimagining of Moby Dick through the impossibly corny lens that is the Star Trek universe. Quality varies."
T4 Star Trek: First Contact (1996) - Oct 19, 2017
"Cochrane, inventor of the warp drive, loves alcohol, rock n' roll, and naked women. What a crazy guy! Wowza! I love James Cromwell, I think Star Trek is great, but c'mon, this movie is just lazy. Not awful, but there are at least 100 TNG episodes better than this. "
T5 The Foreigner (2017) - Oct 12, 2017
"Jackie Chan has spent his entire life spreading a message of peace and love via repeatedly kicking people and the face. Inspirational. Jackie Chan continues spreading this message of peace and love in "The Foreigner", but the story itself is a throwaway IRA bomb plot that unravels as you would expect it to. It tries to be grim and serious, and Chan's dramatic acting is actually quite good, but at its core it's just a B-movie action/thriller with some cool martial arts scenes."