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Hawkins

Movie Buff - 324 Film Rankings

Member Since: Sep 20, 2015

Location: San Diego, CA, USA

Age: 29

Gender: Male

Bio: The jungle, it just came alive and took him...

more Recent Rankings
74 T6 Face/Off (1997) - May 24, 2018
"They're both playing Cage but would you really want it any other way?"
81 T8 Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - Apr 28, 2018
"Strongest guy in the universe seeks omnipotence in order to fix overpopulation by way of genocide even though he could just as easily make resources infinite. Not the smartest guy in the universe, just the strongest. I had fun, it was a good time. "
70 T5 Speed Racer (2008) - Apr 22, 2018
"Delightful and revolting expressionist trip with some heart buried under the all the camp and garish spectacle. Ignore the kid with the monkey and it's a gem for a live-action cartoon. Gotta love the on-the-nose naming conventions - bad guy is Mr. Royalton, dad is named Pops, the older brother who died in a crash is named Rex. You'd think Pops would wise up and name a kid Victor but no he goes on with "Speed" and "Sparky" like he's trying to taunt death or something. "
52 T2 Before We Go (2015) - Apr 18, 2018
"Gotta call out Chris Evans for the laziest trumpet acting of all time, those cheeks didn't move an INCH yo I thought this was a jazz movie I came here to see Captain America play the fuckin' great american songbook with some Dizzy Gillespie bullfrog cheeks full of righteous patriot breath. Nah, he just creeps on some lost girl until five in the morning I'm surprised he doesn't kill her at the end. "
54 T3 A Futile and Stupid Gesture (2018) - Apr 11, 2018
"It's a Wonderful Life except the guy realizes life would have been more fulfilling if he died of a coke overdose about thirty five years ago. Or he realizes he should have killed Chevy Chase about thirty five years ago. I'm pretty sure one of those two things is the message of this movie."
22 T1 Me, Myself & Irene (2000) - Mar 29, 2018
"Charmless rom-com, possibly elaborate therapy session for Jim Carrey. It attempts a few crimes on Steely Dan's catalog, most notably by closing on Do It Again...as covered by Smashmouth. Steely Dan being covered by Smashmouth is worse than the botched restoration of Ecce Homo. It is worse than Yoko Ono's intentional sabotage of Johnny B. Goode. It is an affront to god. Don't tell anyone I still have it on my ipod okay?"
76 T7 F for Fake (1973) - Mar 28, 2018
"A hall-of-mirrors of editing with Welles (playing equal parts Wonka and Santa) as a tour guide. I'm just not as impressed with the art forgery as he wants me to be - it's not like the guy's faking Rembrandt or Rubens, he's doing Mondrian and Modigliani. I mean come on, what Bob Ross teaches you requires about as much technique as that. Still, it's a fun jab at the posturing of critics and the unimpeachable value of 'master'works. Ultimately people want to be tricked, complicit to magic."
23 T1 Next (2007) - Mar 28, 2018
"Starting to think this Nic Cage guy is a complete maniac"
79 T7 Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) - Mar 21, 2018
"Concerned with the past and just how far Rodgers can physically fall and still be ok. Cap seems to be the wrong hero for a tech-oriented espionage thriller but that's the point - he mirrors the villain as an asset who lacks the historical context to question the mission or faction. They're like, both the Winter Soldier dude I'm telling you. It's all a conspiracy. The JFK bullet left an illuminati chemtrail that leads right to god damn Nick Fury as long as your calculation assumes a flat earth. "
46 T2 The Polka King (2017) - Mar 14, 2018
"Is this a passion project about a guy who cons people into investing in his passion project? Jack Black: 1 Netflix: 0"