login | register
0 rankings
more

Hawkins

Movie Buff - 271 Rankings

Member Since: Sep 20, 2015

Location: San Diego, CA, USA

Age: 28

Gender: Male

Bio: The jungle, it just came alive and took him...

more Recent Rankings
76 T7 Cool Runnings (1993) - May 28, 2017
"A hokey, formulaic, feel-good sports flick that bumbles through slapstick training montages into a "Rocky" climax that manages to conjure a swirl of genuine emotions while making a statement about building personal (and national) pride. It's a great movie for kids. "
83 T8 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) - May 05, 2017
"How easy is Dave Jordan's job, and how do I get it? "Hey guys I think this seminal chart-topping hit could work great over dramatic slo-mo!" - should be me. Better yet, just let me upload my own playlist to the blu-ray so I can put Kool & the Gang on there like god intended. Anyway, the laugh quota is way too high and there's a few dodgy lines and edits but I don't care. It's the only time I've ever cried with 3D glasses on. "
58 T3 Escape from New York (1981) - May 02, 2017
"Screw Hideo Kojima, was Bin Laden inspired by this fucking thing? I was waiting for Van Cleef to bust out a game of Double Jenga and start ranting about Halliburton with the way that opening sequence was going. Anyway, cool concept but the story rapidly runs out steam as it fails to develop any meaningful conflict or characters. It asks only question we all know the answer to - is Kurt Russel a bad enough dude to save the president?"
68 T5 Wild at Heart (1990) - Apr 24, 2017
"White Trash Shakespeare for the aggressively hip. Harry Dean Stanton is a fantastic actor and there's too many Wizard of Oz references. It works better as a Cage flick than a Lynch flick, whatever that means. "
50 T2 Mortal Kombat (1995) - Apr 09, 2017
"I think the scene where Cage has to tell the stunt actor to fall down is actually a clever joke about the fatality window - and that's about all I managed to appreciate more as an adult. It is real shitty. There aren't any memorable fights, the plot has no drive, Kano is somehow the only likable character. Still, there is an undeniable nostalgia I have for this ridiculous trainwreck. Hollywood, time to hit the reboot button! "
73 T6 The Avengers (2012) - Apr 09, 2017
"It's hard not to be cynical about the blueprint this set for the industry, but for it's own sake it's an entertaining ride that manages to feel jaunty even while aliens are invading and Manhattan is about to be nuked. I guess stakes don't always mean tension..."
59 T3 Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - Apr 09, 2017
"Imagine how much cooler would this be if Cap got caught up fighting WWII instead of questing for the mystical franchise tie-in stone that nobody gives a shit about"
65 T4 What We Do in the Shadows (2014) - Apr 03, 2017
"Charming but sparse, with a few jokes that drag on too long. It's at its best when Jemaine Clement is hamming it up, he really embraces the role. Now I'm gonna have to watch the Belgian vampire mockumentary from 2010 to see if it's any better..."
92 T9 Swiss Army Man (2016) - Mar 25, 2017
"A heartfelt song of life from the guys who brought us the "Turn Down for What" music video. It's gorgeous, hilarious, weird, and fresh all pivoting around a completely stupid premise. I loved it. "
36 T1 Grand Piano (2013) - Mar 14, 2017
"Bugshit absurd premise with disappointingly little payoff. I had some fun reading too far into the 'performance anxiety' angle, with the sniper representing premature ejaculation and the player ultimately having to finger a C correctly. Props to Elijah Wood for actually playing the instrument, his skill level is clearly not world class (he aint' Van Cliburn) but I was impressed all the same. My prediction: Damien Chazelle's next movie will be about the best jazz bass player in the whole world. "