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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2975 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 42

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
10 T1 White Noise (2005) - Aug 13, 2007
"What a stupid concept and a horrible movie. Cliche, predictable, and full of lame jump scares. The fact that there are people out there who actually believe in this supernatural white noise nonsense makes me weep for humanity."
30 T2 Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters (1982) - May 10, 2011
"Holy Christ on a bike, it's an Indonesian action flick about women's pro wrestling starring Barry Prima and Eva Arnaz. Why aren't I in heaven? It's because the comic geniuses at Troma decided to overdub the whole thing a la "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" and it is fucking atrocious. I'd love to watch the original film that the writers shit all over, but I never want to see this again."
70 T7 Turkish Star Wars (1982) - Aug 31, 2012
"A bewildering mashup of chopsocky battles in the desert, guys bouncing through colored smoke on trampolines, and shots of Turkish dudes talking in front of rear projections of Star Wars footage, all set to the first bar of the Indiana Jones theme blaring repeatedly. The climax sees Cüneyt Arkin beating up an entire army of furry hunchbacks, red werewolves, mummies, and robots while wearing magical dishwashing gloves. Bizarre but thoroughly entertaining nonsense."
60 T5 Find a Place to Die (1968) - Oct 01, 2012
"A desperate woman hires a bunch of ruffians to help her dig up her husband from a landslide at their mine, which results in several groups of bandits trying to seize control of the gold. Not a bad story with a large cast of characters each with their own motives, and it's kinda nice to see a Western where Mexican outlaws actually have some depth and aren't just used as comic relief or cannon fodder. Of course, the romantic subplot is laughable rubbish."
40 T2 Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) - Aug 13, 2007
"The rules from the first movie still apply. Why didn't these people learn?"
T1 Dead Man on Campus (1998) - Aug 13, 2007
"Why would anyone cast that talentless douchebag from Saved By the Bell as the lead in a movie? Especially one that is ostensibly supposed to be funny?"
90 T10 Goyokin (1969) - Dec 02, 2008
"A melancholy samurai tale which uses extensive flashbacks as part of the storytelling structure. Tatsuya Nakadai is incredible as the bug-eyed samurai haunted by his past failings. His weary performance is the best reason to watch this film."
40 T2 The X Files: Fight the Future (1998) - Aug 13, 2007
"I stopped watching the TV series after the first season, so I had no clue what the fuck was going on in this movie. There was a lot of running, and smoking, and stuff that happened in the dark."
55 T4 Hell Night (1981) - Dec 24, 2012
"A very formulaic horror flick about a group of horny teenagers spending a night in a spooky old mansion as part of a fraternity initiation. Doesn't do anything you wouldn't expect but does it all fairly competently. Linda Blair doesn't show off her lovely jubblies though. 'One Dark Night' a couple of years later was essentially the same thing with Blair replaced by Meg Tilly and a telekinetic zombie thrown into the mix, and is thus a better film."
T1 The Forgotten (2004) - Aug 13, 2007
"What a stupid piece of shit this was. When it ended I was actually angry about the time I wasted watching it, and I wanted to do physical violence to the disc to spare anyone else the same pain."