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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 3080 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 45

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
more Featured Reviews
40 17% Kull the Conqueror (1997) - Sep 04, 2008
"Kevin Sorbo plays the Robert E. Howard barbarian like he played Hercules on TV: like a big doofus. Tia Carrere can't act either, and this dumb flick is riddled with bad CGI, and scored with heavy metal guitars. What kind of barbarian movie has zero tits and zero blood?"
10 3% Miss Congeniality (2000) - Aug 14, 2007
"Why do people like Sandra Bullock? She's not attractive and she's a merely decent actress at best. One thing she is definitely not is funny."
85 91% The Devils (1971) - May 16, 2008
"Intense, disturbing, and visually inspired, Ken Russell's powerful examination of the corruption of church, state and the individual was one of the most controversial movies of the early 70s. A career best performance from Oliver Reed as the doomed priest Urbain Grandier, a political enemy of Cardinal Richelieu who was framed as a sorcerer and satanist. Plus, you get tons of naked nuns, and Vanessa Redgrave masturbating and whipping herself. Nice."
75 74% Quick-draw Okatsu (1969) - Sep 13, 2012
"The first color entry in the Poisonous Seductress series, what it lacks in the class and style of the first film, it makes up by cranking up the levels of sleaze and violence. Junko Miyazono is beautiful and skilful with her sword, and determined to get her bloody revenge. Reiko Oshida plays the perkiest and cutest lady ninja I've ever seen (and I've seen plenty). Add in a cameo by Tomisaburo Wakayama as a bounty hunter with a lightning fast blade and you have yourself a winner, folks."
50 26% The Undertaker (1988) - Feb 19, 2017
"A portly undertaker with a pencil mustache murders half a small town in this low budget turd. The whole movie is either too dark or too quiet, the actors are barely conscious, and the script is madder than a box of frogs. I guess the real question is: is it worth sitting through to watch Joe Spinell play another creepy lunatic, mewling and rolling his eyes through every scene? Ehhhh, I'm going with "kinda"."
70 63% Phenomena (1985) - Sep 03, 2010
"Jennifer Connelly communicates telepathically with insects who help her solve a series of murders in a Swiss boarding school. It's dripping with atmosphere and style, has a wicked soundtrack that includes Goblin, Iron Maiden AND Motorhead, and has an awesome, gore smeared, WTF ending. Plus Connelly is just so damned cute covered in maggots. It's probably also the only film you'll ever see with a chimp brandishing a straight razor."
70 63% Fight for Your Life (1977) - Jul 25, 2010
"William Sanderson plays Kane, a racist psychopath who escapes from a prison transport with a couple of his buddies. They hole up in a small town, in the house of a black preacher and his family, and Kane proceeds to terrorize and abuse them for his own amusement. Eventually the preacher's family fights back. Nasty exploitation flick with some solid acting, decent gore and an absurd amount of racial slurs...oh, and a small kid gets his skull viciously beaten in with a rock. Bonus points."
80 84% Prime Cut (1972) - Jan 31, 2007
"No frills 70s gangster action. Lee Marvin is from the Chicago mob and goes to Kansas to collect a $500,000 debt from Gene Hackman who runs the Kansas mob. Hackman also has a sex slave trade on the side, selling girls from a local orphanage to rich old dudes. It's got a couple of great chases and shootouts, plus full frontal nudity from a really young Sissy Spacek. Oh, and a wheat harvester/baler eats a car. Yeah."
50 26% Orca: The Killer Whale (1977) - Dec 02, 2012
"A ridiculous Irish fisherman ignores the stern warnings from Charlotte Rampling about messing with a family of killer whales, subsequently incurs their wrath, and then engages the alpha male in hand-to-fin combat. This whale is so pissed, it somehow blows up a whole fucking town and literally calls the fisherman out to fight it. That everyone takes this sheer lunacy deadly serious is most of the fun. Novelty appearances by Bo Derek and Robert Carradine as whalebait."
20 6% Any Given Sunday (1999) - May 06, 2008
"American Football sucks, movies about American Football are lame, and this is no exception."