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Celluloid Junkie - 3053 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 43

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
more Featured Reviews
60 41% Vixen! (1968) - Dec 06, 2012
"An absurdly racist married woman fucks just about every person she meets in this silly Russ Meyer softcore boobfest, including a sexy lesbian romp and a roll in the hay with her own brother. Erica Gavin has a great body but is a pretty terrible actress, so every scene where she's not naked is an endurance test. Then at the end the movie shoehorns in a ridiculous message that can be summed up as: "Racism in America is bad, but at least we're not filthy Communists." Ok, Russ."
50 26% The Green Hornet (2011) - Apr 19, 2012
"This is an OK "What if the Green Hornet was a goofy slacker?" kinda flick, but all I could think about was how much better it would've been if Stephen Chow had directed/played Kato instead of walking away from the project in 2010. For a movie that languished in development hell for almost 20 years, it's pretty embarrassing that this is the best they could come up with. Also, how is Edward Furlong still getting work?"
60 41% Tsumugi (2004) - May 10, 2012
"My 2,500th Mini-Review. Sola Aoi plays a highschool student having a fling with her teacher that evolves into a love quadrangle with another teacher and student in this sexy pinku film. Sola is super cute, and she spends half the movie grinning like a loon in a schoolgirl outfit, and the other half naked and getting pounded while her huge boobs bounce all over the place. Not much story, but so what? "
25 8% Boy Meets Girl (1994) - May 07, 2013
"A guy meets a girl at a pub and goes back to her flat, where she drugs, imprisons and tortures him. The DVD case belches "The English answer to Man Bites Dog" but that's complete bollocks. Man Bites Dog was a bitingly funny look at serial killing as a mere occupation, which also blurred the line between observation of violence and participation in violence. Boy Meets Girl is 90 minutes of an insane chick rambling nonsense, punctuated by annoyingly frequent yet pointless intertitles."
75 75% The Impossible Kid (1982) - Mar 04, 2012
"Oh man, you haven't lived until you've seen a tiny midget doing karate katas. Weng Weng is back with a leisure suit wearing, floor sliding, ball punching tour de force performance as Agent 00, kicking ass and fighting crime. This flick lacks the incredible midget vs midget finale of For Y'ur Height Only, but is otherwise just as good. Romy Diaz is completely mental, and Weng Weng's odd charisma is in full effect, as he scores with girl after girl without ever changing his facial expression."
20 6% A Beautiful Mind (2001) - Aug 13, 2007
"BAHAHAHAHAHA I'm supposed to believe that Russell Crowe is a genius? I'm sorry, I can't suspend my disbelief quite THAT far."
60 41% Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981) - Aug 19, 2010
"Pretty dopey zombie schlocker which is infamous for having an adult dwarf cast in the role of a child with an Oedipus complex. The people in this flick are officially the dumbest ever in the history of zombie movies. "Let's just let them in, maybe they want something inside the house that's not us." Seriously? Some clever kills and gore effects, though."
20 6% Two Moon Junction (1988) - Aug 12, 2011
"I actually sat through this entire shitty movie just to see Kristy McNichol's boobs. Life sure sucked before Google image search, kids."
65 51% Sid and Nancy (1986) - Aug 13, 2007
"Never trust a junkie. Sage advice from Nancy Spungen."
50 26% Orca: The Killer Whale (1977) - Dec 02, 2012
"A ridiculous Irish fisherman ignores the stern warnings from Charlotte Rampling about messing with a family of killer whales, subsequently incurs their wrath, and then engages the alpha male in hand-to-fin combat. This whale is so pissed, it somehow blows up a whole fucking town and literally calls the fisherman out to fight it. That everyone takes this sheer lunacy deadly serious is most of the fun. Novelty appearances by Bo Derek and Robert Carradine as whalebait."