Celluloid Junkie - 3099 Film Ratings
Member Since: Apr 13, 2006
Location: Toronto, Canada
Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
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|60 40%||The Wandering Earth (2019) - Jan 20, 2022
"On route to flying the entire planet Earth to a new home star, the Earth is imperiled when it is pulled into the gravitational field of Jupiter. It's a big budget disaster film in space with some stellar CGI and scenes of destruction, but not much else. The script is awful, dishing up a steady stream of nonsensical science and lame characters, and none of the actors do enough to elevate the material in the slightest. Essentially a Chinese remake of Armageddon. Pretty explosions, though."
|55 33%||Special Correspondents (2016) - Dec 16, 2021
"Two journalists lie about filing their reports from within an Ecuadorian warzone and then have to concoct more ridiculous lies to cover it up. A weak farce with a decent premise and very middling execution, there's a few laughs to be had, but it's mostly pretty boring. Gervais' well-honed stand up stage persona is a narcissistic jerk, and his best screen roles have him playing a smarmy asshole. Here he insists on playing the put-upon everyman and it only exposes his limited acting ability."
|60 40%||The Harder They Fall (2021) - Dec 02, 2021
"Two outlaw gangs get in a scrap over some stolen loot and end up murdering each other to death in this odd Western. Full of obvious anachronisms and poor musical choices, this almost feels like a modern crime drama with cowboy cosplay. Elba and King are both in fine form as over the top villains, each getting to deliver a solid monologue in the second half...but one gets the sense that movie is trying to be too many different things at once, and it isn't terribly successful at any of them."
|75 75%||Jojo Rabbit (2019) - Dec 02, 2021
"A gung-ho member of the Nazi youth discovers a Jewish girl hiding in his home, much to his horror, and that of his imaginary friend, a manic Adolf Hitler. Waititi deftly handles some pretty touchy subject material, delivering a sweetly romantic story against the nightmarish backdrop of WW2 Germany. Mixes a surprising amount of humor in with the darker stuff to keep the overall tone fairly light and fable-like. Stephen Merchant's gestapo agent is simulataneously hysterical and terrifying."
|70 63%||Us (2019) - Oct 18, 2021
"A pretty decent home invasion flick where the attackers are evil doppelgangers of the family in the house. The first half builds up some admirable tension and terror that unfortunately begins to unravel as the story explains itself. The second half raises more questions than it answers, and tacks on a nonsensical twist that makes zero sense given what leads up to it. Still, it's got some quality gore and a really impressive lead performance from Lupita Nyong'o. Not bad at all."
|5 1%||Knock Knock (2015) - Oct 11, 2021
"Two hateful bitches insinuate themselves into a man's life, utterly destroy him, his family and his home (for no real reason), and then walk away without any consequences. Keanu channeling his inner Nic Cage is novel for about 5 seconds, but this is truly appalling stuff. Keanu does everything he can to be helpful and kind, but the movie paints him as the villain and his mindless evil tormentors as anti-heroes. It's like Eli Roth watched Hard Candy and thought "I can do it stupider." Garbage."
|75 75%||The Witch (2016) - Oct 11, 2021
"A family of farmers living near a remote forest in 17th Century New England experience a series of misfortunes and begin to blame unseen supernatural forces. Generates an awesome sense of dread, mostly using the psychotic religious fervor of the family to ratchet up the tension. Really solid script, grim sound design, and bleak cinematography...it's an excellent throwback to Hammer Horror witchcraft/satanism flicks, which were more about creepy atmosphere than action and gore."
|70 63%||Shadow (2018) - Oct 04, 2021
"A disgraced general hatches a plot to reclaim control of a great city. It's an interesting story, well acted and supported by some incredible visual compositions but is held back by two things: pacing (which is all over the place in the second half), and the complete and utter lack of a color palette. I mean, I totally get the aesthetic Zhang is going for, as well as the thematic parallels between the literal use of shadow and the way the general uses his double/shadow in the story, but damn."
|80 84%||The Dead Don't Die (2019) - Oct 02, 2021
"It's a Jim Jarmusch movie (about a zombie apocalypse in Smalltown, USA), so it's weird as fuck and ambles along at its own sedate pace. The cast is absurdly good: Bill Murray and Adam Driver as a pair of sardonic, deadpan cops who fully understand (and discuss the fact) that they're in a Jarmusch film. Tilda Swinton as a Scottish undertaker/ninja. Tom Waits as a crazy hermit/narrator/obvious stand-in for Jarmusch himself. Plus a ton of novel cameos. A very dry but enjoyable flick."
|10 3%||Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020) - Oct 01, 2021
"God damn this was stupid. Of course, Bill and Ted uniting the world with their music is retconned out of existence so their (obnoxious clone) daughters can be the chosen ones who don't just unite humanity but SAVE ALL OF TIME AND SPACE. Not only that, it commits the unforgivable crime of being wretchedly unfunny. This flick made me slightly chuckle a grand total of one time during its dreadful 90 minutes. Keanu looks like he's embarrassed to be there. Totally non-triumphant, dudes."