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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2968 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 42

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
60 T5 Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981) - Aug 19, 2010
"Pretty dopey zombie schlocker which is infamous for having an adult dwarf cast in the role of a child with an Oedipus complex. The people in this flick are officially the dumbest ever in the history of zombie movies. "Let's just let them in, maybe they want something inside the house that's not us." Seriously? Some clever kills and gore effects, though."
65 T6 Jarhead (2005) - Aug 13, 2007
"Apparently the Gulf War consisted of a bunch of bored silly fratboys grabassing each other in the desert for months on end waiting for fighting to happen. Darkly humorous, but seems to keep the viewer at arms length...I found it hard to get emotionally invested in the plight of the characters."
40 T2 Apocalypse Now (1979) - Aug 13, 2007
"Painful. I've sat through this mess a couple of times trying to figure out what other people see in it. A couple of good scenes are not worth 3 hours of hideous, shattering boredom. The much-vaunted Brando "horror" scene plays like a confused and dribbling old man rambling complete nonsense. Literally every one of my kumpels has this rated as a Tier 10, I just don't get it."
90 T10 Being John Malkovich (1999) - Jan 29, 2007
"A unique and clever movie experience. This is also my go-to "rebuttal" flick whenever someone tries to convince me that Cameron Diaz is hot."
20 T1 Ghost (1990) - Aug 13, 2007
"Patrick Swayze is seriously one of the worst actors I've ever seen."
80 T9 Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) - Mar 30, 2011
"Awesomely hilarious gory action flick starring Rutger Hauer as the nameless titular hobo. While Machete was a decent homage to exploitation flicks, this one feels like the real thing...sleazy, cheap, over the top, and gratuitously violent. Hauer makes the perfect choice to never let on that he's in on the joke, playing the hobo straight as a somewhat confused and frightened old man surrounded by total insanity."
45 T3 Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs (1943) - Apr 07, 2012
"Stupid and racially insensitive black version of Snow White...but man, "So White" has an absolutely smokin' body for a cartoon chick from the 40's. Betty Rubble, you have been replaced."
40 T2 Any Given Sunday (1999) - May 06, 2008
"American Football sucks, movies about American Football are lame, and this is no exception."
10 T1 A Darker Reality (2008) - Dec 13, 2012
"A couple of stupid cops try to catch a pervert named Ghost who kidnaps and sexually abuses/mutilates women. This is low rent torture porn of the worst type. The story is nonsense, the killer is fucking lame, the cops are beyond retarded, and every single acting performance is the absolute drizzling shits...especially the victims. Also, the 'shocking' twist ending was something I had been expecting to happen since the 10th minute. Aside from a decent gore shot or two, this is total garbage. "
80 T9 Beat (1997) - Feb 13, 2013
"Korean drama about a skilled street fighter who wants no part of the life of crime his childhood friend is dragging him into. The film swings rapidly from light comedy to intense melodrama to chaotic action frequently, nicely capturing the tumultuous essence of the protagonist's psyche. Lots of melancholy angst and broody cigarette smoking, good tunes, and the fights are all gloriously wild. A worthy flick. "