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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 3081 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 45

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
more Featured Reviews
50 26% The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) - May 15, 2008
"Angarano is totally uninteresting and unconvincing as a hero, the dialog is simply atrocious, and the dramatic performances are universally awful. But it has Jackie Chan fighting Jet Li, and that alone is enough to make this film worth seeing once. Otherwise it's a massive letdown filled with lame, childish fantasy. I would LOVE this if I was 10."
85 91% Face to Face (1967) - Jul 13, 2011
"Philosophical western about a genius professor from Boston who goes to Texas to get some relief for his tuberculosis, and ends up joining a ruthless gang of killers. He initially tries to reform their immoral lives, but quickly develops a lust for power once he learns to handle a gun. Packs in plenty of shoot 'em up violence, Pinkertons and fist fights, but also has a more thoughtful and intelligent script than the average Spaghetti western. "
70 63% Future Hunters (1986) - Jun 07, 2012
"In what is surely his most embarrassing role, Robert Patrick leads the international cast in this cheesy 80's action flick from the Philippines. The plot is absolutely preposterous and involves Nazis, a jungle tribe of buxom Asian women, a Bruce Lee lookalike, and a cave full of Mongolian midgets (yes, it specifies that they are all Mongolian). It's crap, but it's nonstop wacky entertainment....show me another movie where you can see Hwang Jang Lee beating the shit out of the T-1000. "
80 84% eXistenZ (1999) - Mar 04, 2007
"Criminally underrated virtual reality flick. Better than the Matrix."
45 21% Very Bad Things (1998) - Aug 14, 2007
"The scene where the whore gets accidentally killed is pretty funny. It's mostly downhill after that, which is too bad, since the whore getting killed is one of the first things to happen."
55 33% Jackson County Jail (1976) - Jan 02, 2014
"A woman driving across country ends up forced to spend the night in a backwoods county lockup, where she gets raped by a hillbilly cop. She murders the cop in a rage, and then goes on the run with another prisoner. It's not great and offers zero surprises...and other than showcasing the ability of a young Tommy Lee Jones to radiate a powerful aura of hopelessness without a word, I can't really think of a compelling reason for this to exist."
85 91% The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover (1989) - Aug 14, 2007
"Artsy and allegorical drama about a boorish gangster who owns a restaurant (and terrorizes the other patrons there daily) and his wife who carries on an affair there right under his nose. The symbolism seems to be pretty obviously political in nature, but it also presents some interesting ideas about lust, gluttony, sex and death. Lush colorful visuals, haunting music, a sick finale, and 43 year old Helen Mirren buck naked in a van full of rotting meat. Awesome stuff."
90 95% A Scanner Darkly (2006) - Jan 02, 2007
"Keanu Reeves' best acting performances ever were in this movie and in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. In both films, he played a disaffected stoner who could barely function in normal society. Coincidence? Harrelson and Downey Jr steal many scenes with their druggy twitchiness."
40 17% Carmaux, défournage du coke (1896) - Jul 22, 2011
"In a touching scene, a large smelter gives birth, only for her newborn babe to be drowned and dismembered by savage Frenchmen. Those sick fucks."
35 14% The Living Dead Girl (1982) - Jun 07, 2013
"A tremor causes a chemical spill near a crypt, raising a recently deceased woman as some sort of blood drinking fiend....and her living lesbian girlfriend starts bringing her home random people as snacks. The majority of Jean Rollin's films deal with the undead in some form or another, so you would think he might have clue about creating a scary mood, but you'd be completely wrong. Glacially paced and badly acted, only the occasional scene of ridiculous gore breaks up the monotony."