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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2967 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 41

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
45 T3 Seventh Son (2014) - Feb 19, 2015
"Picture Star Wars set in a Middle Earth populated entirely by one dimensional archetypes and you've got a pretty good idea of what this is like. At least Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore seem to recognize they're in a piece of shit and try to ham it up admirably, but the charmless Ben Barnes plays the dopey lead role with annoyingly earnest seriousness. There's a few minutes of fun "giant scaly lizards destroy a CGI village" action near the end but boy do you have to wait forever to get to it."
30 T2 R.I.P.D. (2013) - Jul 22, 2013
"R.I.P.D. works better as a title than as an actual concept...the story is 100% formula "veteran cop teams with rookie" crap, and the script is just awful. This abomination is proof positive that every piece of shit comic book ever created will eventually be turned into a big budget Hollywood film. I blame Christopher Nolan."
99 T10 Inception (2010) - Apr 26, 2011
"A wonderfully intelligent scifi/action/thriller with a great cast and some truly amazing visual sequences. The cutting between the various dream layers during the finale did a great job of representing the time dilations the team was experiencing and made it easy to keep track of the interwoven story threads. I totally regret missing this in the theater, it would've been awesome. The best movie of the last five years."
75 T8 A Christmas Story (1983) - Aug 13, 2007
"If you don't love this holiday classic you probably have no joy in your life. Either that or you once shot your eye out."
20 T1 Ghost (1990) - Aug 13, 2007
"Patrick Swayze is seriously one of the worst actors I've ever seen."
40 T2 Wound (2010) - Sep 06, 2011
"An abused woman teetering on the edge of sanity is pushed right over by the sudden appearance of the daughter she gave up for adoption 18 years before. Any film told from the POV of a crazy person is bound to be fractured and surreal, but this never really coalesces into anything that makes much sense. It's a heaping helping of creepy weirdness and a dash of novelty gore with a side of pretentiousness, kinda like if David Lynch and Takashi Miike had a retarded baby...and served it for dinner."
45 T3 Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs (1943) - Apr 07, 2012
"Stupid and racially insensitive black version of Snow White...but man, "So White" has an absolutely smokin' body for a cartoon chick from the 40's. Betty Rubble, you have been replaced."
80 T9 Amadeus (1984) - Aug 13, 2007
"Tom Hulce and F. Murray Abraham both give excellent, animated performances, but the real star of this film is Elizabeth Berridge's cleavage. Wow."
70 T7 The East Is Red (1993) - Jul 14, 2011
"After a cataclysmic battle that ends with a castle literally falling on his head, supreme kung fu eunuch Asia the Invincible is presumed dead, but he's really just in hiding among the ruins. When he hears that others are exploiting and profiting from his name, he sets out to slaughter all the fakers, turning the martial world on its ear. Explosive and kinetic fight scenes including sewing needle fu, some fun naval battles and Brigitte Lin inexplicably surfing on a swordfish. "
70 T7 Pistol Opera (2001) - Aug 31, 2012
"Stray Cat, the #3 killer in Japan is assigned the task of assassinating Hundred Eyes, the existing #1. It's sorta like the interpretive dance version of Branded to Kill, packed to the brim with bizarre imagery, strange asides, and ultra stylized shootouts. It doesn't have a ton of narrative coherence, but the visual composition of practically every scene is incredible. It's bursting with angles and colors, like jazz for your eyes. It probably would have been just as good without any dialog."