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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 3065 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 44

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
more Featured Reviews
30 11% Swamp Thing (1982) - Dec 11, 2011
"A scientist is blown up by his own secret serum, turning him into a giant plant-man. David Hess as a psycho mercenary is the only entertaining thing in this cheap, crappy sci-fi monster flick. Once he dies, the film becomes the drizzling shits and cannot even be saved by two guys in rubber suits sword fighting over a dripping wet Adrienne Barbeau. Barely of "Made-for-TV" quality."
1% The Forgotten (2004) - Aug 13, 2007
"What a stupid piece of shit this was. When it ended I was actually angry about the time I wasted watching it, and I wanted to do physical violence to the disc to spare anyone else the same pain."
0% Be Cool (2005) - Aug 13, 2007
"One of maybe 5 films in my entire life I've had to switch off before it was over because it was so painfully and insultingly stupid, unfunny and boring. Negative entertainment value, this abortion will permanently destroy a small part of the joy in your life. Seriously one of the worst things ever created by human beings."
80 84% Samurai Spy (1965) - Aug 13, 2007
"Awesome ninja action. This flick introduces all the cool ninja conventions that were staples by the time the 80's came along and ninja flicks were being cranked out by the dozen. Reverse jumping, shuriken flurries, rope darts, it's all here and filmed with incredible style. The plot is a little convoluted and deals with samurai politics in the wake of the Battle of Sekigahara, but it doesn't really matter. This flick is more concerned with making ninjas look cool as fuck. Mission accomplished. "
60 40% Shakma (1990) - Oct 23, 2013
"A bunch of nerdy med students lock themselves into a lab building one night so they can LARP it up, but their game is interrupted by the escape of a violent baboon they had been experimenting on. The ludicrous roleplaying game is just a convenient plot device to have the victims spread out around the building so the monkey can pick them off one by one. The acting is bad, and most of the action involves someone holding a door shut as the baboon flails uselessly against the other side. Silly."
20 6% A Beautiful Mind (2001) - Aug 13, 2007
"BAHAHAHAHAHA I'm supposed to believe that Russell Crowe is a genius? I'm sorry, I can't suspend my disbelief quite THAT far."
90 95% A Scanner Darkly (2006) - Jan 02, 2007
"Keanu Reeves' best acting performances ever were in this movie and in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. In both films, he played a disaffected stoner who could barely function in normal society. Coincidence? Harrelson and Downey Jr steal many scenes with their druggy twitchiness."
30 11% AVP: Aliens vs. Predator - Requiem (2007) - Jun 20, 2008
"Too many shitty humans, not enough alien ass kicking. The alien ass kicking that was there was filmed too close and without enough light. Boo. At least most of the humans died horribly."
75 74% Snowpiercer (2014) - Jan 26, 2015
"A sudden ice age reduces humanity to a small number of people aboard a high tech super train, endlessly circling the dead planet. This film takes a ludicrous premise and commits to it completely with an insane abandon that immediately brings Terry Gilliam to mind. The plot twist is an obvious one and the ending is senseless, but it serves up more than enough visual surprises and bloody action to satisfy. Tilda Swinton steals the first half of the movie with a hilarious performance."
60 40% Point Break (1991) - Aug 13, 2007
"Dumbass cop learns to surf so he can catch some dumbass surfers who rob banks. Dumbass cop shoots sky in anguish."