Cinema Addict - 1138 Film Rankings
Member Since: Jul 27, 2008
Location: Bridgewater, Nova Scotia, Canada
Bio: I rank in tiers of 5 (so every ranking will end in either 5 or 0), decided by the following criteria.
100-90 is OUTSTANDING: Note, I do feel like there is such a thing as a "perfect film", but I don't dole out 100s easily. The difference between a 100 and a 95 film is a certain intangible quality I suppose, something that I know will make me always come back to it no matter what. Any film that makes a 90 and up from me is one I would either recommend to anyone in a heartbeat, or one which I feel goes far above and beyond my expectations from it.
89-80 is QUALITY: A quality film for me is one which is often a strong recommendation, a film that does its job to a higher level than the next tier, often notable for overall performances and/or production.
79-70 is SERVICEABLE: A serviceable film for me is one which does its job and is good entertainment either within its own genre or as a stand-alone film. It may or may not be recommended viewing from me, but more often than not it will be.
69-35 is AVERAGE: Since the term "average" is so wide, here is how I define it. An average film falls anywhere between something that is not a total flop and has redeeming qualities (performance, content, production, etc.), and one which has the ability to entertain most people (while potentially not being a personal recommendation).
34-0 is UNDERWHELMED: An underwhelming film is one which is forgettable. It either has no redeeming qualities, or its positive qualities do not outweigh the negative ones. At their worst, movies in this category offend me as a movie-watcher.
|10 T1||Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) - Jul 23, 2017
"Way up there among the worst big-budget Sci-Fi I've ever seen. Looks fine, and has some interesting genre elements that it thoroughly underexamines or ignores, but in virtually all other ways, "Valerian" is Sci-Fi's limp penis. Horrible screenplay, absolutely no fun at all, mostly-sluggish action, with leads that couldn't have less chemistry if they actively tried, phoning in a romance that would put Romeo & Juliet's timeline to shame. Zero investment or reason to pay attention. Utter garbage."
|95 T10||Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) - Apr 22, 2011
"No doubt the single-most bat-shit insane movie I have ever had the pleasure of viewing. What better way to counter-attack a world of absolute insanity, than to act absolutely insane yourself? But it's kind of a lovely thing to see Hobo act so insane but really have an admirable personality, world view, and response to the world around him. He answers chaos with chaos. But the most important thing is, he rolls deep with a boomstick and unlimited ammo. An indulgent delight, does everything right."
|95 T10||Full Metal Jacket (1987) - Jul 27, 2008
"I would argue that this is the most relevant film, from a sociological standpoint, that Kubrick has made. It very effectively showed the mental effects of war on soldiers in such a way that puts it on-par with (or above) movies like 'Platoon'. 'Jacket' is endlessly quotable, topped with classic Kubrick icing. Whether through an academic or purely-pleasurable lens, 'Jacket' delivers a unique, moving viewing experience. It is nothing short of required viewing for any movie fan."
|100 T10||Spaceballs (1987) - Jul 27, 2008
"One of the funniest films ever to exist, even 30-plus years later. It's rare when a film can smartly entertain four-plus decades of moviegoers, but Mel Brooks can. I would be willing to call this Jon Candy's signature performance, may he rest in peace; Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga are hilarious, and this is the one and only time I am not annoyed by Joan Rivers' voice. Plus, good ol' Dom Deluise, who I could watch make breakfast, provides the voice of Pizza the Hut. Undoubtedly a perfect film."
|10 T1||The Brothers Grimsby (2016) - Mar 16, 2016
"Sacha Baron Cohen: for those who prefer their Will Ferrell a little more European. The saving grace here is that you aren't SUPPOSED to care, but where other, better people can make self-aware, silly movies and still have them be enjoyable (partly due to taking the ten minutes required to craft likable, investment-worthy characters), "cinema Cohen" is such a spastic hack that he would rather just keep tossing jizz and butt jokes at you until you crack a smile out of sheer exhaustion and/or pity."
|0 T1||Shutter (2008) - Jul 31, 2008
"Here it is, folks! Quite possibly THE WORST thing ever filmed, and this coming from a man who has seen lots of porn. The moral? Gang-raping your Japanese girlfriend because she is too clingy (and filming it) is bad because she might kill herself and come back and haunt you and your pretty new Caucasian bride. This is not one-percent exaggerated; that IS the plot of this movie. Be smart, kids - don't rape your Japanese girlfriend and film it. And whatever you do, do NOT see 'Shutter', either."
|10 T1||Premature (2014) - Nov 18, 2014
"For the first time in a long time, I am STARTING my rating at 0 and working up, based solely on the first 2 minutes (no pun intended), which is nothing but derivative garbage written by middle-aged men trying to remember what it's like to be a teenager. Reading interviews, the director's inspiration is heartfelt 80's teen movies. Well, Dan, you missed the boat with this mostly-heartless dribble. 5 points for masturbating to get out of trouble, and a few funny lines & scenes. Otherwise, terrible."
|10 T1||They're Watching (2016) - Jul 05, 2016
"There's this thing that indie movies do - especially horror - which is to make one/two characters complete cockbags for no reason. Takes 40mins to get going. The main thing about the horror-comedy is: it's supposed to be tense, funny and scary. This is almost never these things; it's more annoying than anything. 2mins of character development gives way to obligatory sex. This is lazy, derivative of better movies, unfocused, and the climactic special effects are atrocious. Put bluntly, this blew."
|95 T10||50/50 (2011) - Oct 07, 2011
"It does the dramedy mix with subtle perfection: the funny parts are funny and the serious parts are serious, neither were half-assed attempts at both, and awareness displayed that they need each other. Drama needs comedy to humanize and lighten its subject matter; comedy needs drama to deftly remind the audience that the subject matter is not meant to be light and fluffy. I loved the performances completely, the so-called "predictability" is debatable at best... it does everything exceptionally."
|95 T10||The Cabin in the Woods (2012) - Apr 26, 2012
"...fuckin eh. That's honestly just the best way I can summarize the amazingness that is "The Cabin in the Woods". From the 70's style title screen and its perfect placement, to the movie's epic concept and equally-epic execution, I found absolutely nothing to hate about this self-aware masterpiece. Casting is spot-on, writing and dialogue is unbelievable, monster design is top-notch, and at the end of the day it's one of the most enjoyable watching experiences you'll have all year and beyond."