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TimeCapsule

Movie Buff - 313 Rankings

Member Since: Feb 12, 2017

Location: NJ, USA

more Recent Rankings
67 T3 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) - May 26, 2017
"The fourth film in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise ends with the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow saying "I have no say in it Gibbs, it's a pirate's life for me" as he looks into the camera and winks. Maybe it's the tinfoil hat, but clearly Johnny Depp is attempting to send a secret message to the audience that Disney has him hostage to their movies. Obviously Disney executives are using some form of blackmail against him, which might help explain "The Lone Ranger"(2013) and the others."
36 T1 Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977) - May 25, 2017
"Sadly this so-bad-it's-good idea for a movie premise is just disappointingly bad. Although there are a few scenes or moments hidden in this artsy horror, most of the films is just plain old bad. Still some credit is due for the commitment put into even making this movie. That despite the cheap production, George Barry and company really put a lot of effort into making a killer bed come to life on screen. Probably best to just avoid the film, despite how amazing the title makes it sounds. "
76 T5 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) - May 25, 2017
"The conclusion of this Disney cash grab trilogy was surprisingly enjoyable. Whether it was simply severely lowering my expectations, inserting my own intermission in to the nearly 3 hour movie, or just being granted some sort of conclusion for some characters, in the end it seemed like standard giant blockbuster fare. That is if you consider this the "Transformers" franchise of pirate movies. Overly convoluted plots and expansive mythology just covering up an expensive CGI action schlockfest. "
73 T4 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) - May 24, 2017
"Disney followed-up their surprise hit "Pirates of the Caribbean:The Curse of the Black Pearl"(2003) with this messy middle chapter in an intended trilogy. With $ $ signs in their eyes Disney took a perfectly fine stand alone movie and began constructing some sort of epic sized story solely to manufacture money. Although the sequels have been financial successes, the stories being told are bloated with failed attempts to recapture the charms of the first film. Bigger and dumber, as is tradition."
89 T9 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) - May 23, 2017
"A Disney movie based off a theme park ride seemed like an idea destined to sink at the box-office. Instead the film was an epic smash success, spawning a handful of sequels. This return to high quality live-action adventure/comedy marked the first time Disney dared produce/release a movie with a PG-13 rating, and their risk paid-off tremendously. However they have taken the best thing about this movie, "Cpt. Jack Sparrow" and attempted to drain every last cent out of him with each new sequel."
21 T1 Jailbird Rock (1988) - May 23, 2017
"Someone got the legitimately brilliant idea to do a "women in prison" movie, but as a musical. Sadly, this alleged musical features basically no singing or dancing besides what's seen in the mediocre talent show finale. Plus the "prison" these women are in is closer to something resembling a boarding school than any kind of correctional facility. This potentially amazing premise is wasted on a movie not sleazy enough to be an exploitation film or competent enough to be entertaining in any way."
36 T1 Blood Tracks (1985) - May 23, 2017
"Instead of not-ninja action, this movie sees director Mats Helge attempt to make a snowy low-rent version of "The Hills Have Eyes"(1977). Most of the movie is spent with a large crew of throwaway characters simply meant to be fodder for the promised gruesome deaths carried out by the family of mutants. Unfortunately most of the fun splatter kills are impossible to see from being so poorly shot in the dark. Despite the movie's theme song and a few boobs, there isn't anything here worth watching."
62 T2 Eagle Island (1986) - May 22, 2017
"Director Mats Helge follows up "The Ninja Mission"(1984) with this unrelated "sequel" of a movie about an army of Russian not-ninjas attempting to steal some military secrets. Beginning with the film's opening rockin' 80's theme song the movie is surprisingly well made. However not as much action as in "The Ninja Mission", the movie's biggest surprise comes from the simple effectiveness of the story and characters. For a low-rent action/thriller the movie manages to stay engaging throughout."
47 T2 The Ninja Mission (1984) - May 22, 2017
"Swedish director Mats Helge gives the world another "Cold War" ninjas movie. Although the story seems like an unrelated prequel to the "Russian Terminator" (1989) with the true origin of the mysterious papers, this movie lacks a lot of the weird charms that made the later film so much fun. Instead this film was surprisingly competently made for being a cheap action movie. However most of the drama was just boring, but luckily the film gives way to an over-the-top action finale of stupid fun. "
27 T1 Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe (1991) - May 21, 2017
"Between being Jesse "The Body" Ventura the wrestler and Jesse "The Mind" Ventura the Governor, the world was treated to Jesse "The Movie Star" Ventura, the actor. Unfortunately for audiences the man who should only be a supporting character at best was given the opportunity to star in this terribly cheap and lazy sci-fi movie. Although boring and mediocre throughout, the movie has a few handful of fun moments with Ventura attempting to act and the ridiculously outta place saxophone heavy score."