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Celluloid Junkie - 3065 Film Rankings

Member Since: Jun 26, 2006

more Recent Rankings
T7 Phantom Thread (2017) - May 23, 2018
"Of Toxic Marriage and Poison Mushrooms: A Fairy Tale"
T1 Let There Be Light (2017) - May 23, 2018
"I love terrible Christian propaganda films but this one was not as enjoyable as God’s Not Dead or I’m Not Ashamed or the Kirk Cameron oeuvre. The introduction of the third act cancer plot is a giant “What?!” and the end comes off as a GND ripoff in so many ways, like, do something original bitches. Also the film kind of defeats its own point as the arguments the Sorbo character makes when he’s an atheist are just objectively way better than the ones he makes later as a Christian lol"
T9 Paddington 2 (2017) - May 15, 2018
"What a lovely, uncynical and warmhearted film! The ending made me tear up."
T1 Fifty Shades Freed (2018) - May 12, 2018
"I'm shocked that a movie could be perceivably worse than Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker but I actually think this somehow pulls it off. Those two at least had the decency to stick to being bad romance/erotica films; this one tries to be a thriller on top of that with kidnapping/ransom/guns/etc and it's so bad at it it makes Basic Instict look like the fucking Godfather in comparison. Ana and Christian also spend the whole movie being jealous cunts toward each other. Toxic marriage!"
T10 Cobra Kai (2018) - May 07, 2018
"Is it weird that I haven't loved a new TV series as much as this one in a few years? This could be possibly my Karate Kid nostalgia talking, but at the same time Karate Kid nostalgia doesn't make me pretend KK3 is any good so maybe not. This show does such a good job expanding and deepening the character of Johnny Lawrence, and manages to balance and respect both its old and new generation of characters so well. In that sense it's less Star Wars and more Rocky or Blade Runner."
T9 Mary and the Witch's Flower (2017) - May 07, 2018
"It's a more simplified tale of good vs evil than your typical Ghibli film but an enchanting and frequently visually gorgeous experience all the same. I like the way it flips Harry Potter on its head; less a story of embracing magic and more one of tasting but ultimately rejecting power for the simple life."
T3 1984 (1984) - May 01, 2018
""Hurp durp 1984 is so relevant to our current society" - basic bitch republican/democrat living perfectly free first-world life that in no way resembles 1984 under democrat/republican president "
T9 Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - May 01, 2018
"If there's a weakness for me it's how freakin' much of the film's plot revolves around, of all MCU characters, Vision. I don't care about Vision. But on the whole I can respect the crazy juggling act they had to engage in to work the already-established Avengers, the Guardians, Spider-Man, Black Panther, Doctor Strange and Thanos all into one film that actually coherently flows together and calls to mind Return of the King's sequence of escalating, interconnected climactic events and battles."
T5 Darkest Hour (2017) - May 01, 2018
"For me this is an iconic "noble snooze" movie. It's extremely visually beautiful in terms of lighting/framing/cinematography/etc., well-made, impeccably acted with a starring Oldman turn that deserved the Oscar, and for lack of a better term very "important," very historically-minded, very grandiose. It was also a big old damn chore to sit through. I felt my hand pulled toward my smartphone through its runtime as if by industrial electromagnet. I kept making up excuses to pause. Zzzzzz"
T2 The Commuter (2018) - May 01, 2018
"Honestly probably the weakest of the four Jaume Collet-Serra/Liam Neeson team-ups - and none of the other three are particularly standout cinematic works either - lacking the compelling high-concept hooks of Unknown and Non-Stop or the grit of Run All Night. Very just Generic Thriller 101, Neeson's casting being the only thing lifting it above straight-to-DVD tier."