Celluloid Junkie - 2981 Rankings
Member Since: Jun 26, 2006
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|2 T2||Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) - Nov 15, 2017
"Such a long, dumb, noisy headache of a film that not only does it not succeed as turn-off-your-brain entertainment, its two and a half hours actually manage to feel like exhausting mental busywork. Nevertheless, it amazingly still holds together slightly better as a logically cohesive narrative than Alien: Covenant."
|6 T7||Merlin (1998) - Nov 15, 2017
"Despite cheesy-ass special effects the film (the two-episode miniseries, whatever) is pretty interesting as a sort of Cliff Notes trip through enough Arthurian legend mythology spanning decades of story to make at least half a dozen feature length films out of in just three lightning-paced hours. Whether or not such a thing does anything for you is probably dependent entirely on how interested you are in King Arthur/Merlin/Camelot/etc. It kept me interested."
|1 T1||Alien: Covenant (2017) - Nov 07, 2017
"One of the worst big budget studio films of the decade. I have no idea what Ridley Scott thought he was going for, what he was thinking, or how this thing is officially "fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes."
|3 T3||The Do-Over (2016) - Nov 04, 2017
"I would probably rank it a little above other recent horrible Sandler films like Jack & Jill and The Ridiculous 6 simply on account of it kinda takes a stab at actually having a plot, with events and turns and twists and reveals and everything - but that's not to give it too much credit. It's a pretty predictable plot and the movie is only ever marginally funny at best. I also find David Spade one of the least watchable supposed "movie stars" of my lifetime. "
|6 T7||First Knight (1995) - Nov 01, 2017
"Despite being as cheesy as Monty Python and the Holy Grail at points and Richard Gere's old lame ass, I'm such an easy-to-please slut for anything in the medieval fantasy/battles 90s epic milieu that I couldn't help but have a lazy Sunday afternoon good time with it. Sean Connery doesn't hurt either."
|5 T6||The Witch (2016) - Nov 01, 2017
"Yeah I guess I'm kind of the dumbass/contrarian on the outside looking in with this one. I could respect its authentic historical vibe and slow-burn dread and moody visuals and convincing performances and of course Black Phillip, but honestly I found it such a staid, somnambulant experience. Like, I was perfectly well-rested going in and I found myself fighting back yawns and my eyelids getting heavy by the end. I'm not much of a Kubrick nut so I'm not surprised by people's Kubrick comparisons."
|3 T3||Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017) - Nov 01, 2017
"No real hook to it for me, didn't grab me to watch a second episode despite generally liking Jason Ritter as an actor."
|2 T2||Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (2016) - Nov 01, 2017
"Despite very impressive animation (there's still some uncanny valley with the human characters, particularly their mouths when talking, but many of the settings/backgrounds look truly photorealistic), it never escapes feeling like a really long above average video game cutscene."
|0 T1||Still Star-Crossed (2017) - Oct 27, 2017
"Holy hell what a fucking disaster hahahahahaha"
|3 T3||Halloweentown (1998) - Oct 27, 2017
"Pretty typical Disney Channel original movie for-kids shenanigans, mildly amusing, cheesy, harmless, forgettable."