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|5 56%||Happy Birthday to Me (1981) - Jul 23, 2019
"The last act of this movie has about a million turns and twists and reversals; it’s like the Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy of slashers. I don’t mind a twist or two but once a straight-up Mission Impossible mask came into play it took a leap too far. Some pretty good kills like the one with the barbell. I will dock a point from any 80s slasher movie with no nudity though, I don’t give a fuck."
|5 56%||Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019) - Jul 18, 2019
"I did dig whacko Gyllenhaal and some of the action was pretty fun for sure. I do tire a bit of Spider-Man’s seemingly perpetual sidekick status in the MCU though, to Tony for four movies and now seemingly a SHIELD errand boy. Maybe I’m a bit spoiled by his characterization in the PS4 game which I thought was spot on."
|6 69%||The Outsiders (1983) - Jul 15, 2019
"you ever wonder if there’s some weird alternate universe out there where Tom Cruise and Ralph Macchio had each other’s fame level/career trajectory and Macchio was still like a mega A-list movie star in huge action movies and stuff in the 2010s and Cruise was like a “hey I remember that kid from the 80s” novelty"
|7 82%||Crossroads (1986) - Jul 10, 2019
"It has a deep fried southern charm that you can sink right into the vibe of, a cool guitar duel and a great screen version of the Devil. No major complaints from me; enjoyed it."
|5 56%||How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) - Jul 03, 2019
"This is a feature length adaptation of the Pokémon episode “Bye Bye Butterfree” lol"
|2 13%||Aladdin (2019) - Jul 02, 2019
"The hell is this. Where the hell is my giant snake you motherfuckers? Jasmine’s new songs stand out like ostriches in the flamingo pen. Why is the Cave of Wonders like two rooms? What’s up with the conservative dress re: Aladdin’s bare chest and Jasmine’s bare belly? Gotta cover up in 2019 I guess. Jafar and his high whiny voice are approximately as intimidating as Oscar the Grouch. You know what might have fixed that? IF HE TURNED INTO A GIANT SNAKE"
|6 69%||Cold Pursuit (2019) - Jun 20, 2019
"At a lot of points this is actually a weirdly strong pitch-black violent comedy; not at all what I expected going in. A lot of clever moments and the villain is hilariously cheesy and awesome. I think Neeson was a miscast though simply because we’ve seen him do this old man action/revenge thing like twenty times now."
|5 56%||Jason and the Argonauts (1963) - Jun 20, 2019
"The special effects in this film are akin to the very earliest dawn of 3D video game graphics in the mid 90s - I totally see why they were amazing and groundbreaking at the time, which in no way changes how cheesy and hilarious they are today. The film also kind of lacks an ending, like, the main villain established in the first act is never encountered again. It has kind of a fun Saturday matinee adventure vibe to it in its stronger stretches though."
|7 82%||John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) - Jun 15, 2019
"I think there’s undeniably slight diminishing returns over time with the John Wick series (for context I gave the first film a 9 and the second an 8) - but that isn’t to say I didn’t have a fun time with the action shoot ‘em up kung fu fighting knife-throwing goodness. Still a totally justified theatrical viewing. Mark Dacascos was great as the villain. Sequel hook was not nearly as compelling as the end of Chapter 2 though."
|6 69%||Fatal Attraction (1987) - Jun 06, 2019
"Bizarre fact: This was the worldwide highest grossing film of 1987. Can you imagine something like that happening today? It would be like, I dunno, Red Sparrow or something being the highest grossing film of 2018. Anyway, the movie is yuppie trash but kinda fun and watchable in a slightly-elevated-soap opera way, although Glenn Close is somewhat weird casting for this supposed erotic sexpot role; guess Sharon Stone or Kim Basinger didn’t pick up the phone."