Welcome to Criticker: Home of insanely accurate recommendations!

BREAKFAST: After eating breakfast, a man is transformed into an elaborate dumb-waiter-style breakfast dispenser - and the same fate befalls the man who obtains breakfast from him. LUNCH: After failing to catch the waiter's eye, two would-be diners end up eating everything within reach. DINNER: Portraits of various meals made up of human organs. (imdb)

The morning after a party, a young man wakes up to find Paris invaded by zombies. (imdb)

After fishing out coins from Rome's Trevi Fountain, cynical New Yorker Beth Harper (Kristen Bell) finds herself being wooed by several ardent suitors. As she deals with all of this new attention, Beth tries to figure out whether a charming reporter (Josh Duhamel) really loves her.

A writer named Algernon (but called Harry by his friends) buys a picture of a boat on a lake, and his obsession with it renders normal life impossible. He attempts to function again by consulting an analyst and becoming married, but eventually succumbs to his strange anxiety by disappearing into the picture. (imdb)

Comedian Louis C.K. stand-up concert special.

A drama about the fate of brothers forced to fight in the Korean War. (imdb)

Jason Statham returns in his signature role as ex-Special Forces operative Frank Martin, aka "The Transporter." Now retired in Miami, Martin makes a living driving for a wealthy family, including the young son, with whom he has unexpectedly bonded. But when the boy is abducted, Martin must use all his skills to bring him to safety and discover the kidnapper's master plan. (20th Century Fox)

War and Peace (1968) is an eight-hour epic film based on the eponymous book by Leo Tolstoy. (imdb)

Chinese soldiers in an ancient civil war get caught up in a fantastical quest to save the universe. (imdb)

Popular animated hero Asterix and his faithful sidekick Obelix travel to ancient Egypt to help Cleopatra build a new summer home... (imdb)