World War II is raging, but in the French village of Nouvion, café owner Rene Artois wants only a quiet life, plus some slap and tickle with his waitress Yvette behind his sour wife Edith's back. To this end, he keeps in with two German officers who are regular café patrons, Kurt Von Strohm and Hans Geering. (imdb)

Colonel Von Strohm wants to hand René over to the Gestapo along with the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by Van Klomp to get rid of Herr Flick, but René convinces them that it would be a better idea to try to forge the painting, give that to the Gestapo and split the money from the painting after the war. (imdb)

The airmen, wearing German uniforms, are captured by the Maquis but escape and burn the uniforms, taking clothes off scarecrows instead before disguising themselves as onion sellers. Von Strohm and Geering, now without uniforms, are angry with Rene and he is given two carrier pigeons to send to London for replacement uniforms. (imdb)

Michelle brings a bottle of nitroglycerin to the café for safe keeping until it is time for her to use it to blow up a German train. However, as it is in a gin bottle, Edith thinks it really is gin and gives some to Madame Fanny. René and the two German officers meet the plane bringing their uniforms but on board there is only a Jewish tailor who takes their measurements. He does, however, take the painting of "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies" back to London to be copied. (imdb)

General Von Klinkenhoff of the German High Command is to arrive in Nouvion by train. Von Strohm and Geering are not keen to see him as he will find out about their incompetence and allow themselves to assist the Reistance in blowing up his train. The General survives and various suspects are arrested but ultimately only Rene is identified as a saboteur and is sentenced to be shot. (imdb)

Rene's funeral is to be arranged by the village undertaker Monsieur Alphonse. Flick, along with his girlfriend, Private Helga, will be watching on the off-chance that the mourners will include other Resistance members who can then be arrested,but the plan is leaked so that Monsieur LeClerc will pose as the priest and no Resistance members will attend. Rene himself is passed off as his twin brother, also called Rene, come to pay his respects. (imdb)

The Resistance capture von Strohm and Geering, whom they intend to shoot in return for the death of the late café owner. The task of shooting them is to be given to René in revenge for his brother's slaying. (imdb)

Hearing that Flick intends to send the painting back to Berlin the next day, Von Strohm directs Rene to make the switch that night. A diversion is arranged in the form of a Hitler Youth Dance, in which local girls dressed in Bavarian costumes will perform for the Gestapo officer's delight. (imdb)