Jay forces the family to take their vacation on a house boat on a lake; Mitchell runs into an old flame; Cam must avoid the sun; Phil and Claire try out some adventurous excursions; the kids' quest for a good time goes awry.

Phil and Claire realize that Alex may be more self-sufficient in college than they give her credit for when they drop in for a quick visit. Meanwhile, Manny is determined to avoid a long tearful goodbye after Gloria and Jay move him into his college dorm. Mitch may have accidentally accelerated a planned renovation, and Haley gets an unexpected opportunity when she befriends a wealthy lady member at the country club.

Phil believes he'll have a day of bad luck after failing to successfully complete his daily superstition; Mitch is certain that Cam is undermining him during their kitchen renovation; Jay is determined to get Gloria to admit she was in an accident.

Jay's best friend visits from Costa Rica but spends more time with Gloria. Alex wants to prove to Claire that her relationship with Ben is sexual.

Phil and Claire start to question their enthusiasm for Halloween when no one else seems to feel the same; Mitch confronts Jay about how long the kitchen remodel is taking; Cam oversteps his boundaries as a house guest.

Claire marks Jay and Gloria's 10th anniversary by throwing them a party. Phil plans a magic trick where Gloria will appear out of nowhere in her wedding dress.

Jay gives a Thanksgiving toast that honors the family's successes, although everyone knows it isn't quite true; everyone tries to hide things about their perceived triumphs; Phil works hard to master a magic trick to prove he's not a failure.

The family discuss their biggest celebrity encounters. Phil displays his house to his musical hero, Jay's jury duty takes a surprising turn, and Manny's meeting with his favorite playwright doesn't play out as expected.

Phil and Claire go out of their comfort zone when he goes on a survival camping trip and she has to drive a big rig. Gloria is upset over Manny dating his female professor. A student in Cameron's detention class is an undercover cop. Mitchell's plan to teach Cam and Lily each a lesson backfires.

When Claire lands a big opportunity for Pritchett's Closets, Jay expects validation for his contribution; Pam's ex-boyfriend shows up and Mitchell sees this as an opportunity to get Pam out of the house; Luke and Alex find a business opportunity.

Jay teaches Joe how to play golf but he and Gloria both push him into becoming too competitive. Mitch and Cam host a party for Lily and her friends. Claire thinks that the Homeowners Association turned her application to build a shed on her own property.

Phil is sick and wants Claire to find his surgery bear. Jay and Gloria are having issues over explaining Joe about "the death" scenario whilst Cam is furious at Mitchell as he has a crush on someone.

When Luke goes missing after a night out in a sketchy neighborhood, Manny, Phil and Gloria team up to track him down. Meanwhile, Haley is desperate to land an interview with the creator of a popular lifestyle website and interrupts Alex during one of her college classes. Alex's professor, Arvin Fennerman, then proceeds to try and give Haley a piece of his mind.

Phil thinks that Gloria is upset at Jay for dropping the ball on Valentine's Day, so he convinces Jay to spice things up with a little role playing; Mitch and Cam must make things right when they unwittingly ruin Luke's Valentine's Day date. Joe has a crush on Claire.

Jay assumes that Gloria is frustrated in the bedroom when he overhears her talking about spanking on the phone. Plus, Cam and Mitchell throw a party to flaunt Mitchell's great new job in Cam's friends' faces.

The family go wine tasting and stay in Haley's boss's country house which has one important rule, don't touch the tiara. Meanwhile, Gloria and Mitch are invited to a party at Oprah's house but can't bring anyone else. Phil and Cam are practicing their hip hop routine, Claire is burying Phil's bear slippers, and Jay is sneaking out to check on Stella who he brought in the hotel across the street.

Haley's brilliant astrophysicist boyfriend and Alex's simple but heroic fireman hunk meet the family. Jay and Gloria meet Joe's pal's perfect parents. On couples retreat, anechoic chamber traumatizes Mitch and Cam meets his baseball idol.

When Jorge, Gloria's ex-boyfriend, stops by for a visit, his resemblance to Manny makes Jay question Manny's paternity. Phil agonizes over the perfect gift for Claire for the anniversary. Cam and Mitch deal with Lily's women's troubles.

When Haley hears that her loopy boss is looking for a product with the magical properties of peppers, she tries to gain favor by convincing Gloria to sell her salsa to NERP; Mitchell gets Cam the police ride-along he's always dreamed of.

When DeDe arrives for a surprise visit, Mitchell and Cam come to an understanding regarding her influence on their lives. Phil, Luke, Alex and Haley have bad news for Claire and compete for the right timing to tell her.

Haley meets Arvin's parents but when things don't go as planned, fate leads to an unexpected reunion with all of her ex-boyfriends. Meanwhile, the family seizes on a nursing home visit with Jay's mean sister, Becky, to settle old scores. But as Jay, Claire and Mitchell compete for her time, Phil, Cam and Gloria end up getting trapped in the home's basement with no way out.

Mitchell and Phil sneak out to comic book convention Hero-Con. Dressed up as their favorite `Clash of Swords' characters, everything is going well until Phil commits a fan faux pas. Joe's party is ruined when Donna throws a better bash next door.