Bio: Even though I haven't had time to do anything lately - www.spreaker.com/show/nothingsgood and CoolRunningsMovies.blogspot.com for my weekly podcast, full reviews and other stuff. Not updated in basically a year, but fuck it maybe you'll laugh.
|45 40%||The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) - Aug 17, 2019
"The second act of the sequel is more enjoyable (and truer to the film title) than the first movie, but the first and third acts are just as outlandish and nonsensical as anything Illumination has done. It's cute they tied all the interwoven stories together, but I only cared about one of them to begin with (unsurprisingly it had Harrison Ford, the only person in this voicecast worth anything). Jenny Slate should jump off the roof of One World Trade Center. And Tiffany Haddish."
|30 20%||Vice (2018) - Aug 15, 2019
"Dick Cheney and his wife debate running for Vice Presidency through Shakespearean dialogue as a demonstration of a conversation no one knows anything about in a movie that claims to be a true story from the director of Talladega Nights and Step Brothers."
|30 20%||Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) - Aug 01, 2019
"Congratulations, you can make the same movie 9 times."
|10 5%||Colossal (2017) - Jul 18, 2019
"I absolutely don't understand the appeal of this movie at all. Is it an unfunny comedy or a vapid drama? It would've been just bad without Jason Sudeikis, but he makes it irredeemable."
|80 89%||Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) - Jul 13, 2019
"Fresh in the way a superhero movie hasn't been in ten years. Fun animation, solid story structure, genuine jokes, and great voice acting by everyone but Jake Johnson - that guy sucks."
|65 65%||Toy Story 4 (2019) - Jun 28, 2019
"It has its emotional moments, but rarely its fun ones. Toy Story 3 felt like it was about growing up, but 4 feels like an existential crisis pondering what growing up means. You can say everything about this movie by stating that Bonnie - arguably the best character in the Pixar universe - barely even does anything in this movie. Hopefully Toy Story 5 will actually be Duke Kaboom 1. (P.S. - Key and Peele suck)"
|65 65%||John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) - May 21, 2019
"The action sequences are beautifully choreographed and devilishly clever, as good as the series has made it thus far. The in between, however, is convoluted, sloppy, nonsensical, and borderline pointless. The first twenty minutes are as good as any action movie gets. Unfortunately there's still two hours after that. Still, a fine entry in the series. I just wish there was more excommunicado, less parabellum."
|60 55%||Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - May 14, 2019
"My least favorite of the three Indy films. After half-a-dozen watches, it slumps too many times in the middle, has an unnatural romance angle, and a bizarre anticlimax that while extremely cool leaves something to be desired. Amazing production design, character creation and action sequences keep it afloat. Not sure what I'm missing that everyone else sees."
|15 7%||Avengers: Endgame (2019) - May 02, 2019
"There are so many things wrong with this movie it's impossible to put into 500 characters. It's quite the MCU fanfiction ending to a decade long trilogy of 2-hour trailers and lacking payoffs. Infinity War is the only one worth a damn, and this one takes a dump all over Infinity War with some of the laziest problem solving in the MCU to date. There's one action sequence in the first 2 hours, and one absurd action section that makes up the entire last hour. At least it glorifies suicide."
|45 40%||Pet Sematary (1989) - Apr 18, 2019
"Despite some generally creepy moments and a handful of quality performances, Pet Sematary is mired by tonal inconsistencies, trite and cheap editing, and a complete inability to successfully integrate Pascow into the story. Worth a watch if only for Fred Gwynne, the final scene, and the best use of a cat in 80s cinema."