Kuroel
Celluloid Junkie
Member Since: 29 Oct 2012
Location: Finland
Age: 36
Bio: "Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established." - George Carlin
Recent Ratings
Check out Kuroel's...
The Count of Monte Cristo (2024) - Rated 22 Jun 2025
"Don’t bother with this version. If you want an emotionally gripping and intellectually respectful version, watch the 2002 movie. The series gains nothing from the added 5 hours to the runtime. Performances are wooden (may be because of ESL issues) and direction is godawful. The camera doesn’t capture the intimacy between the characters and every interaction is so void of chemistry and tension it becomes tedious to watch. Biggest issue is over-explaining the plot like the viewer has brain damage."
Moana 2 (2024) - Rated 31 Dec 2024
"After an abysmal first half, the story finally picks up when Maui and Moana reconnect. There were few nice additions to the cast, although the little sister character was a lazy emotional crutch. Original songs were bland, aside from the funky middle beat. I don’t quite get the rave about the visuals though. It’s 80% water physics and 15 % boat acrobatics we saw plenty in the first installment. The batlady movements were a highlight animation-wise. That was genuinely novel animation."
95 (2017) - Rated 30 Dec 2024
"This is a momentous piece of Finnish history squandered on stupid sub-plots that have superficially anything to do with the main event – how Finland, against literally all odds, won (having never won a WC hockey title, had a no-name team, etc.). The Swedes were so confident of their win that they scheduled a national celebration party and ordered a winning song (Den glider in) beforehand. Yeah, that much they saw Finland as a threat. Feels like the game was a backdrop for a mundane drama film."
Quiz (2020) - Rated 30 Dec 2024
"Is opportunism an unforgivable vice? I'm not the judge of that, but I humanly understand the temptation. If I could cheat Nestlé (famously trying to privatize DRINKING WATER in poverished countries) out of millions, would I? (Abso-fucking-lutely). I like that the characters weren't too villanized. They were an average family, figuring out a loophole. If that isn't how most mega companies (probably Celador, too, the company that originally owned the WWtBaM IP) work, maybe you're a tad naiive."
Mufasa: The Lion King (2024) - Rated 20 Dec 2024
"It had small speckles of greatness like the relationship between Eshe and Mufasa and how their relationship contrasted the relationship between Taka and Obasi. The theme of how mentorship moulds the protégé was great. Too bad it wasn’t given much screen time. It plagued all the intriguing plotlines like the love triangle between Taka, Mufasa and Sarabi. There was no groundwork for why Taka fell for Sarabi. He just decided, lolz? The original songs were offensively forgettable."
Brain Divided (2013) - Rated 06 Oct 2024
"The woman seemed insane for giving the guy with the split personality a second chance until the end reveal."
Wyatt Earp (1994) - Rated 06 Oct 2024
"This is a murkier retelling of the life of Wyatt Earp who wasn't necessarily the swashbuckler as painted in cartoons and afternoon shows. Rather Earp is painted as a philandering drunk with a broken heart. I cannot testify to the movie's historical accuracy one way or the other, but if you're looking for fun action, there isn't much sense of adventure and gunslinging here."
Anyone But You (2023) - Rated 06 Oct 2024
"The leads are hot as fudge, and this has one of the best romance tropes – enemies to lovers. It's like spaghetti and meatballs, nothing Michelin level but that's not what you usually look for in comfort food. But the sauce is literal diarrhoea. For the life of me, I do not comprehend why this film felt the need to be as crass as it was. Who was this for?"
The Heartbreak Agency (2024) - Rated 06 Oct 2024
"Tight-wound, judgemental and condescending woman falls in lust with a male journalist who is casually sexist and a flibbertigibbeting manslut. I'm all for character faults to ground them and make them more relatable, but there should also be the equally important part – what makes them likeable. Of course their underlying heartache which has caused them to shield their hearts with cynicism is eventually unveiled, but it's a sluggish journey until then."
Nothing Lasts Forever (2022) - Rated 06 Oct 2024
"Nothing Lasts Forever exposes the diamond industry on things should be obvious but are not. Most know the ethical issues that stem from mining diamonds, but the document reveals that the demand on diamonds is just as artificial as diamonds will be in the future – lab grown and indistinguishable from naturally formed diamonds. And the diamond industry is not happy about that."
