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DavidBlast

Cinema Addict - 1243 Rankings

Member Since: Nov 15, 2009

Location: Copenhagen, Denmark

Gender: Male

Status: Attached

Bio: Criticker Police.

more Recent Rankings
40 T3 After Porn Ends 2 (2017) - Aug 05, 2017
"A sequel?! Is this "pornography" a bigger thing than I thought?? Do YOU know of anyone who would ever watch that kind of stuff? PM me if you do - we need to get to the bottom so this! (Yeah so really relying on the hope that your Joke-Fu is strong on this one. A serious PM would just be so horribly awkward...)"
60 T6 Betting on Zero (2017) - Aug 05, 2017
"The good news is, that it isn't a sports spin-off movie from 'The Nightmare before Christmas'. The bad news is that it's just about some rich guy 'The Big Shorting' some giant pyramid scheme… and if you're hoping a pyramid scheme has something to do with 'Stargate', I have some more bad news for you... so... Oh! Good news! Features angry Mexicans! (Bad news: No mariachis.) "
40 T3 Chasing Coral (2017) - Aug 05, 2017
"I like what Netflix is trying to do, but so far, their "originals" have been anything but. This one follows amateur film makers as they struggle to set manual focus when filming dying rocks. We did it folks! We single handedly caused the 6th mass extinction event on this planet, but don't worry: There's a tacked on five-minute obligatory optimistic ending (TM) with smiling children, as to not leave you sad or whatever. Hey, what song did that band play on the Titanic? It's for a google search."
95 T10 Dunkirk (2017) - Jul 31, 2017
"I think Christopher Nolan has finally answered that long lingering question: What if 'Saving Private Ryan' were a good movie? "
80 T8 It Follows (2015) - Jul 27, 2017
"*Walks on the stage. Picks up the mike* So, give up a warm hand, uh, that was Captain Obvious, who rightly stated that this was, in fact, not the scariest movie ever made, even though we were promised so by Guillermo/Raimi/Carpenter quotes in the trailer. Still, there is something deliciously eerie about the simple premise. It doesn't *snickers* FUCK around, mehehe *microphone whine*. Getit? Cos... it's all about sexual disea-- *dodges a tomato as I am booed off the stage*"
70 T7 The Green Mile (1999) - Jul 27, 2017
"The greatest anti-death row movie ever made. Sure, most of the people on the death row are murderous, rapist psychopaths, but given the chance, for whatever reason, they might - just might - lunge at you from the confines of their cage, grab you in the groin and cure your pisser. Are we really willing to risk letting these men die?"
80 T8 Anomalisa (2015) - Jul 27, 2017
""They're not gonna.. surely not. 'Team America: World Police' made that sort of thing impos---OHSHITTHEYREGETTINGDOWN!!""
50 T5 Europa Report (2013) - Jul 15, 2017
"I am so in love with hard sci-fi, that I'll forgive anything: Found footage foolery, not too engaging characters... the fact that the story is lifted from '2010: Odessey Two'. If you burned down my house, I'd be like 'Dude WTF?!', and you'd point to your t-shirt that said 'I am Hard Sci-Fi'. I'd go 'Eeey!' and you'd go 'Eeey!' *double guns* and things would be cool again."
T1 Extraordinary: The Stan Romanek Story (2013) - Jul 14, 2017
"I watched this film just to rank it. That was my first mistake. Then I added it to Criticker, because otherwise I couldn't rank it. Second mistake right there. Then I typed in the entry, where I originally called the director Jon Simple, and added Stan Romanek as an actor. It technically constitutes as a third mistake, but I'm not apologizing for that one."
35 T3 Pixels (2015) - Jun 19, 2017
"Man Child - the movie."