JSchlansky

jschlansky
Celluloid Junkie - 4336 Film Ratings
Member Since: 15 Apr 2014
Bio: I perform various production-related tasks

more Recent Ratings

53 31% Witchboard (1986) - Rated 18 Jul 2024
"Wouldn't it be great if real cops were like the guy in this movie and were just obsessed with magic tricks instead of murdering people?"
84 84% Longlegs (2024) - Rated 15 Jul 2024
"Resides perfectly in that hyper-specific "FBI chasing serial killer with a hint of paranormal" sweet spot that I could linger in forever. Oz Perkins remains one of the best in the game when it comes to atmosphere and tone."
68 53% They Cloned Tyrone (2023) - Rated 14 Jul 2024
"Better than expected. If they lopped off half an hour, scaled back the exposition dumps a bit, and finessed a couple of those twist/reveal moments to make them more effectively surprising, then this would be a stronger and tighter piece of work"
75 66% Chainsaw Man (2022) - Rated 13 Jul 2024
70 58% Jesus Camp (2006) - Rated 09 Jul 2024
"If god was real, he would have smited that kid's rat-tail. Checkmate, Christians"
25 8% Vamp (1986) - Rated 08 Jul 2024
"It sucks (not in the vampire way)"
0% Savage Vengeance (1993) - Rated 07 Jul 2024
38 15% Uncle Sam (1997) - Rated 07 Jul 2024
"For a movie about a zombified Uncle Sam killing people on the 4th of July, this thing takes itself WAY too seriously while not even delivering any memorable kills or memorable anything really. At least the big finale is fun for about 30 seconds, and Isaac Hayes nearly keeps it watchable single-handedly; that dude always brought it and was way too good for this schlock."
76 68% A Bucket of Blood (1959) - Rated 06 Jul 2024
"The Walter Paisley cinematic universe has richer lore than the MCU"
30 10% Deathstalker (1983) - Rated 06 Jul 2024
"If the action wasn't badly choreographed and incompetently shot, and if the star had any shred of charisma, and if there wasn't a rape scene every 3.5 minutes... this would be a drastically different movie that's still bad. Oh and the soundtrack sounds like it was composed live (not performed live, composed live) by someone who never had any idea what was about to happen"