Shelby Oaks
Alright, I need to give a lot of background for this.
I was a fan of Chris Stuckmann. I was subbed to him back when he was making his first videos with a shitty camera and doing those cringe Indiana Jones shorts. I have seen it all. I loved the guy and thought he was a fun, silly reviewer to get non-serious opinions from, and if he liked something, I knew it had enough appeal to check out. His Hilariocity reviews were funny, and I could see his passion for movies.
Fast forward several years and he stopped giving grades for films, stopped really criticizing anything, and only tried to see the positive. It all came to a head with his Madame Web video, and that’s when I knew he had become a sellout, a coward, and honestly lost all his integrity. He couldn’t even be honest that he didn’t want to lose favor with other creators or with the studios.
Before I go into the actual film review (no spoilers), I want to mention that he made a video called The Problem with Horror Movies Today about 11 years ago that I absolutely loved. He made very clear and passionate points about how horror has lost its sauce and how the tropes were ruining the genre. The movie he made does not work well with that video.
So here we are, and honestly I’m so exasperated after the film that I find it hard to even talk about it without spoiling anything, which is weird, because this is a 90-minute movie where almost nothing happens. You all saw the trailer and the advertising. This movie has nothing to do with found-footage documentaries or any intrigue like that. It tries to pretend it’s like Lake Mungo or The Blair Witch Project, but those films came out during a time when people gave a crap. This comes out desperate to be different but immediately falls into the slop pile. It’s like Chris wanted to use these tropes without understanding what they mean for actual filmmaking. (Not that found footage is even a good trope, he still failed!)
The first 17 minutes promise a mystery, but the answers only confused me. Add to that the fact that the main woman refuses to clean the blood off her face from a horrible incident all day and waits until dark to play a tape given to her by a crazy person, and it just makes me feel like this is a film I can’t even look deeply into. It’s dumb, droll, and asinine; a travesty of wasting my time and not even having the decency to make things make sense.
Where do I even go from here? I’ve been sitting here writing for a while trying to vent without spoiling things, and I just can’t. The film just gets so bad. It’s strange because I don’t even think the spoilers would make sense. People would say, “No, that didn’t happen, that would be dumb!” Well, the movie is dumb, and I’m pretending it’s not.
I went into this with zero expectations, honestly even negative ones, hoping to be surprised like I was with Talk to Me, and this still let me down. This might be one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and I don’t know how to drive that point home. The writing is abysmal, and the acting is cardboard. The effects and sets looked good enough, but was that Chris… or more talented people working for him? If Chris stopped criticizing movies because he knew all he could make was shit, then that makes a lot of sense. This film is awful, and I am never watching it again unless I’m drunk with friends shitting on it.
I did not get Stuckmannized...
I was a fan of Chris Stuckmann. I was subbed to him back when he was making his first videos with a shitty camera and doing those cringe Indiana Jones shorts. I have seen it all. I loved the guy and thought he was a fun, silly reviewer to get non-serious opinions from, and if he liked something, I knew it had enough appeal to check out. His Hilariocity reviews were funny, and I could see his passion for movies.
Fast forward several years and he stopped giving grades for films, stopped really criticizing anything, and only tried to see the positive. It all came to a head with his Madame Web video, and that’s when I knew he had become a sellout, a coward, and honestly lost all his integrity. He couldn’t even be honest that he didn’t want to lose favor with other creators or with the studios.
Before I go into the actual film review (no spoilers), I want to mention that he made a video called The Problem with Horror Movies Today about 11 years ago that I absolutely loved. He made very clear and passionate points about how horror has lost its sauce and how the tropes were ruining the genre. The movie he made does not work well with that video.
So here we are, and honestly I’m so exasperated after the film that I find it hard to even talk about it without spoiling anything, which is weird, because this is a 90-minute movie where almost nothing happens. You all saw the trailer and the advertising. This movie has nothing to do with found-footage documentaries or any intrigue like that. It tries to pretend it’s like Lake Mungo or The Blair Witch Project, but those films came out during a time when people gave a crap. This comes out desperate to be different but immediately falls into the slop pile. It’s like Chris wanted to use these tropes without understanding what they mean for actual filmmaking. (Not that found footage is even a good trope, he still failed!)
The first 17 minutes promise a mystery, but the answers only confused me. Add to that the fact that the main woman refuses to clean the blood off her face from a horrible incident all day and waits until dark to play a tape given to her by a crazy person, and it just makes me feel like this is a film I can’t even look deeply into. It’s dumb, droll, and asinine; a travesty of wasting my time and not even having the decency to make things make sense.
Where do I even go from here? I’ve been sitting here writing for a while trying to vent without spoiling things, and I just can’t. The film just gets so bad. It’s strange because I don’t even think the spoilers would make sense. People would say, “No, that didn’t happen, that would be dumb!” Well, the movie is dumb, and I’m pretending it’s not.
I went into this with zero expectations, honestly even negative ones, hoping to be surprised like I was with Talk to Me, and this still let me down. This might be one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and I don’t know how to drive that point home. The writing is abysmal, and the acting is cardboard. The effects and sets looked good enough, but was that Chris… or more talented people working for him? If Chris stopped criticizing movies because he knew all he could make was shit, then that makes a lot of sense. This film is awful, and I am never watching it again unless I’m drunk with friends shitting on it.
I did not get Stuckmannized...
Mini Review: I used to love Chris Stuckmann, back when he filmed with a bad camera and made silly shorts. His Hilariocity reviews were hilarious, and his passion for movies was clear. But over time he stopped grading films, stopped criticizing, and only focused on positives. His Madame Web video showed he’d lost integrity, afraid to upset studios or peers. His own horror critique years ago clashes with the weak, empty film he made—confusing, asinine, and a waste of time. I did not get Stuckmannized.
Watch the Trailer