American Gothic

This is another one of those “the box art was cooler than the movie” movies. Can’t say I’m surprised, but I hoped. Really, what makes this movie so lackluster is that, for 70 of its 90 minutes, it is as stock and lazy as it gets. There’s a ton of checkboxes it ticks off with only the minimum amount of effort necessary. Group of friends that have all the depth of a piece of paper (in fact, they’re all supposed to be in their late 20’s per the narrative, but act like teenagers)? Check. One of them has trauma they’re trying to overcome? Check. Remote location? Check. Picked off one by one? Check. It is as stock as you’d expect for a late 80’s slasher movie in the waning point of the genre’s golden era. Acting is a thing that happens. Direction has all the style and flair of a home movie. They keep using this stock “creepy” sound effect, at least a dozen times, and it’s such a cliche sound effect it already has no effect, but the overuse somehow achieves diminishing returns anyway. The movie’s villains are also super cringey, not in a way that’s offensive, but embarrassing. A couple old people who have rejected modern society and have infantilized their adult children. And they’re never anything but creepy, so the opportunity to slowly reveal their sinister nature is squandered. About the only thing that makes this memorable is the last 20 minutes, where the lead has a nervous breakdown and joins the family. You sit there going “wait, what, where’s the final girl circuit, where’s the victorious ending”. This movie decides on a different path, and it is certainly a choice. I wouldn’t call it a good choice or a bad choice, but it sure is memorable. But to get there, you have to sit through a banal movie that is running on the fumes of a dying fad, adds nothing to it, cribs the notes of better movies, and doesn’t even have the decency to have enjoyable kills. The ending is notable, but it isn’t worth sitting through 70 minutes of an aggressively meh movie.