Bodies Bodies Bodies

Maybe if you’re going to engineer a movie for a specific demographic, don’t spend the entire movie making fun of the demographic by using the most hoary, surface-level cliches. It makes the characters paper-thin and impossible to enjoy spending 90 minutes with. Maybe don’t crowbar into the dialogue the buzzwords and phrases you see on social media but nobody ever says out loud. Because hearing people actually say these things is the wrong kind of hilarious. It makes the script sound like it was written by ChatGPT after only being fed Tweets and Buzzfeed articles. Oh, and the f-bomb? It loses all impact when it’s said every 12 seconds. You’re not the horror version of Wolf Of Wall Street, and it was irritating there too. Maybe give the audience one character to identify with? Because having the characters who survive the longest be liars, narcissists, twits, and drugged-up loons makes the audience want them all dead. Maybe don’t have an ending that’s a bigger cop-out than the original Friday The 13th? Mrs. Voorhees was a cheat of a reveal, but at least the fight was awesome. This … this is just insulting. It renders the whole movie pointless. Maybe if you’re attempting satire, be humorous. Simply drawing the broadest and crudest of stereotypes for characters and having the movie point and laugh at them is not funny. It’s not enough to just show the absurdity, you have to tweak it. And the same goes for tension. Dead bodies and a mystery do not create tension. Look at Clue; that’s full of murder, and it’s not tense. I don’t know. I’m not an expert. I just know that I stuck through 90 minutes of the most unlikeable cast in a horror movie I’ve ever seen, just so I could get the reveal, and the payoff made the whole thing worth less than the zero it was as already at.