Jungle Cruise

Captain Nebraska Smith and the Dollar Store Rip-Off. Laffy Taffy jokes have more inspiration than this soulless corporate monstrosity of IP creation. Dwayne Johnson plays the same character he's played for 20 years now, and Emily Blunt has one expression: trying to convince herself the zeroes on the paycheck make this green-screen-riddled, PS2-era CGI-addled, bland-as-an-issue-of-Parade Magazine nonsense is worth her time. The only one trying is Jesse Plemons. And the Spanish version of "Nothing Else Matters" is pretty. Everything else here is the cinematic version of a hot dog: spare parts from much better sources.