Porno

I have a feeling this movie got this salacious name because, if it didn't, nobody would bother watching it. The premise is solid on paper: four teens and a college dropout, working at a small movie theater in a small Christian town in the early 90's, come across a secret basement after closing. In this basement, they find a bizarre movie full of occult imagery, graphic nudity, cult-like ceremonies, and a mysterious, ominous woman covered in blood. The woman, a succubus, comes out of the movie, traps the kids in the theater, and tries to hunt them down. In execution, though, the movie is a crushing bore. The movie lacks any sort of energy whatsoever. It ambles from scene to scene at the speed of a casual stroll. The viewer never gets a handle on what the stakes are. You'd think "their lives" would be it, but through either sheer hubris, stupidity, or a glaring oversight, none of the core five die. Only two ancillary characters die, and in a movie like this, that low body count is a disservice both for the sake of tension and visceral thrill. One of the core five gets graphically injured, and it should be enough to put him at least on the sidelines, but nope; he's up and walking around minutes later. It's nonsensical, and it undermines any sense of consequence or horror this movie has. And then there's the "comedy" portion of this comedy horror. I put it in quotes because there isn't any. It isn't funny, not in any way. There are no jokes, and their attempt at ... whimsy? ... is as awkward as it is unnecessary. There's the characters. The college dropout projectionist, Heavy Metal Jeff, is a sanctimonious, preachy dick, and the joke about his name not fitting because he listens to hardcore punk is not a joke at all. Ricky is equally obnoxious and judgmental. Chas, the lone female that isn't the succubus, seems cool, until you find out later on she outed Ricky to their boss. Well, thanks for nuking the one character that was worth getting invested in. The other two of the main five are just this kind of Beavis & Butthead pair of losers. So, everybody is either awful, turns out to be awful, or is nothing whatsoever. Thanks, movie. And then there's the poorly shot ending, which jumps around and introduces a ritual sacrifice to summon the succubus that's already there to begin with (?!?), and an alternate dimension that is never explained, and it's just all so stupid. So, so stupid. About the only thing I'll give this movie is the gore effects, when used, are SPECTACULAR. I can't think of the last movie that made me turn my head in disgust, but this one did it. That's an accomplishment. And that's the only positive this movie gets, because it's otherwise a waste of time.