Tall Girl 2

Near the beginning of this movie, Tall Girl (I don’t know her name and I don’t care) wears a hoodie that has a zipper on the shoulders and across the upper back. That means the entire shoulder area and upper back is exposed, which is the antithesis of what a hoodie exists for. This garment is pointless, confusing, unnatural, and stupid. It is the perfect analogy for this movie. A movie where the bully becomes a friend because the script needs it. Where the forced romantic interloper character is fridged one scene after he and Tall Girl kiss, because this movie needs to speed through its over-stuffed but somehow under-baked teetering-Jenga-stack of subplots. Where all the confidence gained by Tall Girl at the start of the first movie is eradicated here because the break-up between her and Toxic Incel Boyfriend won’t happen on its own. Where the dialogue feels like an AI is as fed the scripts of every episode of Saved By The Bell, then the AI was hit with a crippling malware attack, reduced to the computing power of a Tiger Electronics handheld game, and then spat out the results. Where the Selfish Narcissist Foreign Exchange Student from the first movie needs to be redeemed for a third act surprise romantic hook-up, so he says a couple of supportive things and suddenly everybody likes him again. And where, for the second movie in a row, our main character is presented as downtrodden and marginalized, while being a pretty, blonde, white girl whose parents are rich enough to consider sending her to Juilliard. This movie deserves paper cuts in the webbing between the thumb and forefinger. If this movie were a parent, I would hope that its child’s dog dies. I hope this movie develops an allergy to water. FUCK THIS MOVIE.