The Housemaid

I wanted to see this for two reasons: it came highly recommended from some trusted sources, and I like Amanda Seyfried. Her in a campy throwback to 90's domestic erotic thrillers? Oh hell yes, inject it directly into my veins, I'm all about that. She is most definitely the shining star of this movie. I'm surprised she didn't need physical therapy after making this from how much she single-handedly carries this movie. If you have any interest in this, Seyfried is worth the price of admission alone. The third act (up until the endings, which we'll discuss later) is as unhinged as her performance, going places even movies like Single White Female and The Hand That Rocks The Cradle didn't go. These two elements are what elevate The Housemaid to an enjoyable watch. But what keeps it, for me, from being the home run I expected and the classic it could've been are three things: hackneyed writing, a lack of the camp that seems intended, and Sydney Sweeney. Let's start at the top: the writing is absolute crap. Sweeney's character needs the job to satisfy parole conditions, so there's some built-in reason for her to overlook some things, but the level to which she does defies even that rationale. She is the kind of stupid that makes you wonder how she doesn't fall out of windows, but only when the plot needs her to be stupid. On a dime, she can become clever and cunning and strategic. There is no consistency with her character. But hey, that's okay, because the story constantly requires coincidence, contrivance, and convenience for events to unfold. I can't tell you how many times I thought "oh, come on, are you kidding", especially at the movie's Return Of The King-like quadruple ending. Without giving away details, the movie comes to a natural endpoint when the antagonist dies. The movie could easily end with the cops pulling up and a slow crane pull-away shot outside, but nope, we have to have one of the cops interview one of the survivors, where the absolute dumbest and most convenient coincidence possible occurs. But there's still two more endings to go! This is a bloated movie at two hours and ten, and it could've easily been an hour and forty-five. The lack of camp is probably the most subjective. Everything I've heard about it, the movie seemed to be a campy, trashy throwback to 90's movies, with the self-awareness to know it was a throwback. Nope, it is dead serious, an issue highlighted all the more by Seyfried's insane performance. She seems to be acting in a whole different movie, the cheesy, R-rated, Lifetime-original-on-cocaine this should've been, while everybody else seems to think they're in the sequel to Sliver. Now, maybe this is preference, I admit. Maybe I bought into hype that wasn't there. But it is what it is: I was hoping for delicious, self-aware camp, and I got a movie where one person only seemed to understand that. And that leads me to Sweeney. Is she an actress? Or is she an influencer and human IP using acting as a marketing vehicle? Because I've seen her as the star of three movies, and of them, in only one did she seem fit for the role (The Voyeurs), and in none of them can I honestly say she seemed like she wanted to be there. She brings nothing to the table here, almost always keeping a vacuous, slack-jawed stare on her face at all times. No matter what the scene, whether she's supposed to be surprised, stunned, confused, or fearful, she's got the same empty glare and the same slightly unhinged jaw. If we're looking strictly at her abilities as an actor, I cannot for the life of me understand her success, and her "performance" in The Housemaid has only cemented my opinion that acting is more a vehicle for brand management than a true passion for her. In the end, The Housemaid is perfectly fine, but its entry fee is a surrendering of any critical thought whatsoever. Not that movies like Single White Female were deep analytical texts, but this, even moreso needs the audience to just shut up, turn off the brain, and go with the flow. It's fine for that, and Seyfried is a blast. But this could've been more. So much more.