The Unseen

A list of the many, many, many issues with this movie. 1. If you’re going to do a slasher movie, the cast needs to be bigger than six people, especially when at least two of them are on the antagonist side. 2. If you’re going to do a slasher movie, the kills should not be as lame as “pulled into an ventilation cover to death”. Twice. 3. The killer should not built up as an inhuman monster in the first two acts, only for, in the third act, to be revealed as shorter, fatter, non-verbal Sloth from The Goonies. The killer should not be sympathetic. 4. Don’t have everybody in the cast underplay their role, except for one person who overplays it by a factor of 5. It makes the one look hammy and goofy, and it makes the rest look wooden and boring. 5. Don’t have a boyfriend for the main character that’s abusive to his pregnant girlfriend, then expect the audience to be happy to see him come to the rescue in the movie’s final reel. It’s bad enough that she tells him to kick rocks, and then two minutes goes somewhere with him to talk it out because he needs closure. 6. Don’t compound the grossness of a third act redemption for the domestic abuser by making the killer the product of incest. 7. Don’t score your attempts at tense moments with a full orchestra but have the prominent instrument be a damned xylophone. 8. If you’re going to have such a small cast, let us get to know them, instead of giving one her first few lines, getting her naked, then killing her in the span of five minutes. And maybe say her name before she’s a corpse, so she’s more than “naked dead woman” to the audience. 9. Don’t spend the third act with almost no dialogue whatsoever. We need more than grunts and screams. 10. Learn to edit. The audience doesn’t need to see Junior offer the heroine his teddy bear eight times as she’s crying, nor do we need to see him walk around the room, find a tricycle, or stuff the teddy down his pants. This is just one of many sequences that serve no purpose but padding a movie that already has a pace that it would be exaggerating to call it glacial. I think that covers it.